UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone

540. The Thought Ladder and Thinking v. Believing (Classics)

UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone

Summary

Cara Lowenthal revisits the concept of the thought ladder, a crucial tool for changing negative thoughts into more positive or neutral ones. She emphasizes that many individuals struggle with positive thinking because they attempt to believe thoughts that feel too far-fetched or unrealistic. Instead of jumping from a negative thought to an overly positive one, the thought ladder allows for incremental changes, starting with a current thought at the bottom and a goal thought at the top, with various "ladder thoughts" in between.

Lowenthal explains that ladder thoughts should be simple and believable, serving as stepping stones toward the ultimate goal thought. She suggests using phrases like "I'm open to believing" to help ease into these new thoughts. The process involves brainstorming several ladder thoughts, practicing them regularly, and checking in with one’s emotional response to gauge readiness for the next step. This method promotes gradual improvement in self-perception and emotional well-being, reinforcing the idea that meaningful change takes time and effort.

Show Notes

You can’t just think a new thought and expect your brain to believe it. If you’ve ever tried telling yourself you’re worthy, confident, or beautiful, only to have your brain immediately argue with you, you know what I’m talking about. In this Classics episode, I’m revisiting one of the most powerful tools I teach for changing your thoughts: the thought ladder. I’ll explain why thinking something and actually believing it are two very different things, and why trying to force yourself to believe a thought that feels completely out of reach can leave you feeling even worse.

You’ll learn how to use the thought ladder to move from the thoughts you currently believe toward the thoughts you want to believe, one manageable step at a time. I’ll share practical techniques for finding ladder thoughts your brain can actually get on board with, including how to make a thought feel less personal and how to know when you’re ready for the next step. Thought work is not about transforming your brain overnight. It’s about practicing small changes that add up to a fundamentally different relationship with yourself.

Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/540 Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

More from UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone

Oct 27, 2026

Your maid of honor didn't come to your wedding, and you're still hurt about it. How do you move on when someone you care about misses an event that was supposed to be so important? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener's question about lingering hurt and why we can get stuck replaying someone else's behavior long after the event itself has passed.

Oct 22, 2026

Women are taught that anger makes us difficult, irrational, or unlikeable, while men’s anger is often treated as justified or even heroic. So what happens when you learn to suppress your anger, even when something genuinely matters to you? In this episode, I share a coaching story about a client who was angry about the unequal division of household labor in her marriage and refused to accept the idea that her anger was the problem. We talk about how women are socialized to repress anger and why that can come at a real cost.

Oct 20, 2026

What does nervous system regulation actually mean, and how does it relate to your emotions? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about the difference between feeling an emotion, experiencing nervous system activation, and being “regulated.”

Oct 15, 2026

Have you ever avoided dealing with a problem because facing it felt too overwhelming, uncomfortable, or scary? In this episode, I share a story from my own life that shows exactly how much worse problems can become when we avoid addressing them. We’ll look at why your brain is so drawn to avoidance, even when you know intellectually that avoiding something will not make it disappear.

Oct 13, 2026

Do you find yourself comparing yourself to every woman you see when you are out with your partner? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener’s question about hyper-vigilantly scanning other women and feeling like you are constantly being ranked against them.

See all episodes →