Reckoning with the Empty Nest

Neuroscientist Anne-Laure Le Cunff was climbing the ranks at a big tech company, and had ambitious plans for her future—when a health scare made her rethink her relationship with control. In this episode, Anne-Laure explains why we cling to plans, scripts, and to-do lists when life gets uncertain, and how we can learn to meet these moments with curiosity instead. She talks to Maya about how to develop a more experimental mindset and embrace new possibilities within the unknown. Check out Anne-Laure’s latest book, “Tiny Experiments: How to Live Freely in a Goal-Obsessed World.” And if this episode resonated with you, check out a previous Slight Change episode, “When Productivity Becomes Pathological,” with Judith Joseph. Also, A Slight Change of Plans wants to hear from you! What helps you navigate moments of uncertainty? Maybe it was advice someone gave you, a mantra you now repeat, or something surprising you discovered in your own moment of transition. Share your reflections with us in a voice memo and tell us why those lessons have stayed with you. You can email your voice memo to [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at (646) 397-8557. You may be featured in an upcoming episode. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Neuroscientist Amir Levine studies attachment styles – how comfortable we feel with emotional intimacy and how sensitive we are to disruptions in our relationships. For decades, scientists have believed that this wiring is fixed and largely determined by our early childhood experiences. But research by Amir and others in the field has upended this view. This week Amir shares with Maya how we can learn to shift our attachment orientation no matter our starting point and bring out our most secure selves. Check out Amir’s latest book, “Secure: The Revolutionary Guide to Creating a Secure Life,” and take this quiz on attachment styles to learn more about your own. Also, A Slight Change of Plans wants to hear from you! What helps you navigate moments of uncertainty? Maybe it was advice someone gave you, a mantra you now repeat, or something surprising you discovered in your own moment of transition. Share your reflections with us in a voice memo and tell us why those lessons have stayed with you. You can email your voice memo to [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at (646)397-8557. You may be featured in an upcoming episode. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Professional violinist Vijay Gupta grew up performing on the world’s biggest stages in order to fulfill his parents' dreams for him. But the pressure to play perfectly became too much, and over time he lost his love of the violin. Then Vijay started performing in homeless shelters and mental health clinics, where audiences wanted something very different from him: not perfection, but connection. This week, Vijay joins Maya to share how those experiences rekindled his passion for music, and gave him the courage to walk away from his parents’ dreams towards his own. Check out Vijay’s new book, “Restrung: A Memoir of Music and Transformation,” and learn more about his work with Street Symphony at StreetSymphony.org. For Fun: Watch young violinists Vijay and Maya on PBS’s Reading Rainbow in 1996, “Zin! Zin! Zin! A Violin.” For more episodes like this, we recommend our conversation with Shira Gabriel, “Why Experiencing Awe With Others Feels So Magical.” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Here’s a preview of another Pushkin podcast, one that explores many of the topics we cover here on A Slight Change of Plans: grief, jealousy, anger, and awe. It’s called Death of an Artist. In February 2024, celebrated children’s book author and illustrator Petra Mathers and her husband, photographer Michael Mathers, mailed letters to dozens of friends and family members to let them know they had died by suicide. Petra and Michael were by all accounts healthy, happy, and deeply in love. As much a love story as one about death, it begs the question: what did that decision do to the people left to mourn them? Journalists Leon Neyfakh and Alice Gregory set out to interview everyone who got one of Petra and Michael’s letters—as one married couple trying to understand another. Told through intimate conversations with Petra and Michael’s friends and family about their own relationships to aging, grief, death, and the friends they thought they knew, Death of an Artist weaves together a portrait of a community grappling with the Mathers’ deaths and the final words they left behind. Search for Death of an Artist wherever you get podcasts. And get early, ad-free access to the entire season now by subscribing to Pushkin+ on the Apple Podcasts show page or at pushkin.fm/plus. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb built her career helping people question the stories they tell themselves. But when an unexpected heartbreak left her reeling, she found herself sitting in the patient’s seat – and discovered just how hard it can be to rewrite your own story. This week, Lori joins Maya to share what being a patient taught her about being a therapist, how therapy might not actually be for everyone, and how we can all start to be more honest with ourselves. Check out Lori’s most recent book, “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone.” For more A Slight Change of Plans, we recommend our conversation with Julia Samuel, “Lessons from a Grief Therapist.” See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.