172: Gentle Strength Parenting with Vince Benevento (Boys Will Be Men author & therapist)

There are a lot of ways that fathers get in their own way of being a great parent. Sometimes it wears the mask of "self-improvement." Sometimes it gamifies your presence. And sometimes, it's a desire to overcorrect your parents' mistakes.

In many ways, it's much harder to be a father today than ever before too.

Gender roles are more fluid than they were in previous generations (but there's still value in distinguishing gender roles). Fathers are forced to feel through their feelings when it comes more naturally to think through them. And balancing the climate of your home, the relationship with your partner, and your responsibilities at work can lead to burnout.

That's why I was personally excited for today's follow-up discussion with Boys Will Be Men author and therapist and fellow father, Vince Benevento.

Vince answers all my toughest questions around:

The Gentle Strength method to become a stronger, and gentler, parent

How to be better at accepting yourself as you are today instead of who you'll become after hitting another milestone

How to better divvy up the balance of traditional and modern gender roles to best benefit your entire home

And more, including…

Why modern fathers have unique challenges previous generations didn't have (and how to better balance your responsibilities without burning out) (4:28)

How your tone, anxiety, and sense of urgency seeps into your climate at home even when it originates from work (6:38)

The insidious "Destination Mindset Trap" that stifles your presence when parenting (7:15)

Why men in particular are prone to gamifying being present (and why you might be blinded to how this interrupts presence) (9:25)

The best thing you can do if you have too much free time that will show you why you're more isolated than you acknowledge (11:43)

The real reason workaholics struggle in relationships that precedes working long hours and doing fulfilling work (17:25)

Why new parents have a tendency to overcorrect their parents' mistakes (and why this overcorrection backfires) (27:47)

Why the word "self-improvement" is a sneaky way you hold yourself back (40:44)

3 characteristics of "Gentle Strength" that make you a better parent in your children's eyes (even after you've drifted apart from your kid) (42:00)

Guest Bio:

Vince Benevento is the Director and Founder of Causeway Collaborative, leading and providing direct service for all three specialized teams. A licensed professional counselor, he holds a BA in Psychology from Wesleyan University and an MA in School Counseling from Fairfield University.

Vince began his career as an in-home therapist for adolescents and families at the Wheeler Clinic in Plainville, Connecticut, a regional behavioral health services provider. From there, he entered the corporate world, where he worked as a professional recruiter and honed his career-counseling skills. With this valuable experience under his belt, Vince transitioned back to individual and community-based counseling as an employment specialist for the Kennedy Center, one of Connecticut's largest and most highly regarded community organizations. At the Kennedy Center, Vince worked to find meaningful jobs for unemployed adults with psychiatric diagnoses and criminal histories. He joined Freudigman & Billings in 2010 as an educational therapist and completed a year-long internship in the Weston High School guidance department, where he initiated and co-led weekly support groups for at-risk-students. In 2012, Vince brought his skills and experiences together to start Causeway Collaborative.

Vince's work experience, whether in the corporate world or in counseling, is united by a single purpose: to help students, young professionals, and those who are struggling to plan for the future and to realize their potential.

Vince recently published the book, Boys Will Be Men: 8 Lessons for the Lost American Male too.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

1. Buy V