240. Q+A: “Why Do I Rush My Pleasure And How Do I Stop?!”

Rock-solid confidence, sex you genuinely enjoy, and healthier relationships all start with actually knowing yourself. This week, Em & Cass are talking with Laura Rubin, a creative coach, journaling expert, and founder of AllSwell Creative. She’s led breakthrough writing workshops for tens of thousands of people, been covered by The New York Times, Washington Post, Vogue, and Forbes, and built a career blending neuroscience and mindfulness to prove that writing by hand actually rewires how you think and feel. She joins Em and Cass to share how journaling can become the catalyst for confident decisions, healthier relationships, and better conversations in bed. If you're thinking... “I always start a journal, go hard for a week, and quit.” Laura's got a 4-minute practice that will literally rock your world and make journaling feel practical and accessible. “I don't even know what I would write about." Laura shares specific prompts to help you navigate your trickiest intimacy moments (when you don’t like how you look naked, when you have no idea what turns you on, when you can’t tell what’s yours vs. what you’ve been told to want). “Isn’t this just more wellness bullshit?” Laura didn't come here to BS. She's sharing the science-backed, FREE methods to actually change your life both in the bedroom and beyond. “Will this actually change anything in my sex life or my relationships?” Yes. Press play already.

Last week, a top couples therapist presented us with the research. This week it’s just us, no therapist in the room, trading what has actually worked in our own long-term relationships (and what has very much not). Cass gets into her current trying-list for keeping sex alive when she's tired, parenting, and has nothing left. Em gets into how she ruined sex for herself in past relationships without even realizing it. Cass opens up for the first time, with her husband’s permission, about his bipolar diagnosis and the “my person wouldn’t do that” story she had to let go of to stay married. For anyone who felt called tf out by last week's episode and wants the unqualified besties version. What you’ll learn: The two “secrets” we’re actually using to keep our relationships alive and thriving (tbh therapists might not agree lol) Cass’s current trying-list for keeping sex alive 10 years into her long-term love (pink pill, non-sexual touch, accountability for her desire, and actually using the resources we talk about) Why using sex as a repair tool is the fastest way to kill it, and what to use it for instead How to tell when you’ve slipped into a story about your partner (“they don’t get me,” “my person wouldn’t do that”) and how to quit before it ruins your relationship Our actual rules for what you can and can’t tell your friends about fights with your partner The habits we each need to kick to feel like adults in our relationships (one of us is lazy, one of us is a control freak) The very petty list of what the men we’ve slept with need to start doing to qualify as grownups

Zach Brittle is a Gottman-certified couples therapist in Seattle, host of Marriage Therapy Radio, and author of the upcoming book Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes. He's been happily married for 27 of 30 years (as in he GETS IT and has actually done the work) and has interviewed hundreds of couples, which means when he talks about relationships, he's not guessing. He joins Em and Cass for a no-bullshit conversation about what actually makes long-term love work. What you'll learn: How to actually build a thriving long-term relationship (and the two things most couples get wrong) Why "spontaneous sex" is a lie you've been mourning for no reason, and what to replace it with The exact sex negotiation one of his couples swears by (and how to steal it) Why learning the difference between physical intimacy that isn't sexual and sexual intimacy that isn't physical will completely change your sex life How to spot negative sentiment override in your own relationship (and why it's turning every "how was your day" into a fight) The one mindset shift that will change everything: why your relationship is NOT a zero-sum game, and nobody has to lose for you to win

One of you confessed: "I fear I'll never truly feel hot or sexy, and admitting that makes me feel even more lame." Em and Cass dive into why hotness feels like a make-or-break game we literally can't win: the impossible standards, the "hot girls are just born that way" myth, the way our attractiveness has been sold to us as our only real form of power, and why insecurity itself has somehow become the ugliest thing you can admit to. They get into the "am I f*ckable" question at the root of it all, the glow-up TikToks we've all saved, the effort we don't want to have to put in, and the small practices that have actually made them feel better (and hotter). Introducing our new monthly segment where YOU send in the anonymous confessions you can't tell anyone else, and we give you the honest reaction, advice, and pep talk you'd get if you sent it to your group chat. Submit yours at the link in our bio or HERE! Follow us on Instagram and TikTok @honeydewmepodcast

We’re digging into the Honey Archives to bring back one of our favorite conversations, and one we think everyone could use a little refresher on. Anna Kai, creator of Maybe Both and one of our favorite internet hype women, joins us for a brutally honest conversation about confidence, self-worth, comparison, and figuring out who the hell you are when life doesn’t look the way you thought it would. If you’ve been feeling behind, questioning your worth, comparing your timeline to everyone else’s, or simply need a reminder that you don’t have to earn your right to feel good about yourself... consider this episode your confidence reset. In this episode, we cover: What we should ACTUALLY be focusing on in our 20s How to build self-worth when yours feels nonexistent What to tell yourself when everyone else seems “ahead” Navigating rock bottom and finding your footing again Getting off the comparison train Letting go of the need to be liked by everyone Embracing the freedom of your 20s — single OR partnered An oldie, a goodie, and your reminder to stop measuring your life against everyone else’s. 💛 Connect with Anna: Listen to Brutally Anna Connect on TikTok Visit her website HERE!