
Show Notes
In this episode, Natalie and Victoria talk about raising siblings who have different needs. Key Takeaways How sibling dynamics shift over time, especially as children reach their teens The unique challenges that come with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) in sibling relationships Why it's important to let siblings just be siblings, rather than stepping into a co-parenting role Sensory clashes between siblings — when one child's coping mechanism is another's trigger Explaining autism to younger siblings in an age-appropriate way How to handle meltdowns when both children need you at the same time Fairness vs. equality — why "everyone gets what they need" is a more helpful frame than equal treatment The importance of one-on-one time and separate activities for each child
Mentioned in This Episode Wonderfully Wired Brains: An Introduction to the World of Neurodiversity An informative and inclusive children's guide to neurodiversity for those not in the know and to inspire children who are neurodivergent. MyTime Young Carers — weekly online activities and events for siblings of disabled children Sibs — UK charity dedicated to supporting brothers and sisters of disabled people Young Sibs Contact Carers Trust Sense Connect with The Autism Mums Website – https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums
Transcript Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] In this episode, we're talking about what it can look like growing up with an autistic brother and sister. What does that look like for siblings? Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, so we are coming at it from the perspective of parents observing a sibling relationship every family is different, but there are definitely common things that come up that I'm sure you'll recognize. Victoria Bennion: One of the things that comes up, I've noticed is difference in development. Sometimes there's an age gap and sometimes there isn't, but you might notice children reaching milestones. In a different order or at a different pace than you expected? Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, I definitely noticed that with mine. I think I've been thinking about this a lot more recently because I have a younger daughter, older son. A son with diagnosis, and the rates of development of each child, in some ways the youngest is catching up with the oldest when there's a five-year difference. And looking at the impact of that on the older one. I think it can bring up mixed [00:01:00] feelings for siblings sometimes it can be motivating or encouraging, but other times it can feel confusing, especially when trying to understand something that seems easy for one child and it's hard for the other. Victoria Bennion: I think that's where gentle age, appropriate explanations can help a bit. Talking about how everyone's brain works differently and how development isn't a straight line. Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, we've used books in the past. I don't know if you've, done that. Mine's a much younger child, but we have started introducing, what autism is to her and we do have a book that explains that brains work differently, which we can link to in the show notes, which could be quite helpful. Victoria Bennion: That's a good idea. We've used a couple of videos, which would been helpful, but not books, but mine are a little bit older. Natalie Tealdi: I think another thing that comes up for us is that communication styles can be different. So if one child has PDA, and big anxieties around demands, that can be quite tricky for a sibling to understand. Victoria Bennion: Oh, yeah. Particularly if one uses direct language, even if they [00:02:00] don't mean it unkindly, it can feel like pressure to the other sibling and the other sibling doesn't always realize Natalie Tealdi: yeah, we definitely have that with my youngest is trying to be mothering and be helpful. But using quite a lot of language, like t
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