How to move forward after a regret you can’t undo
How to Be Good to Yourself When You're Hard on YourselfShow Notes
In this week's audio newsletter, we explore what it means to be consumed by regret when there’s no do-over—especially when that regret feels moral, unforgivable, and identity-shattering. We look at why common advice like “learn from it and move on” often falls flat, and what actually helps instead. You’ll hear three stuck points that keep us trapped in suffering: 1) believing that moving on means it didn’t matter, 2) that you don’t deserve relief, and 3) that self-punishment proves you’re a good person, and how to gently loosen our grip, so what happened can still matter without having to hurt forever.
Get full access to How to Be Good to Yourself When You're Hard on Yourself at ellenhendriksen.substack.com/subscribe
More from How to Be Good to Yourself When You're Hard on Yourself
A new client I had never met emailed me, cancelling her first session. She wrote, “I don’t think you can understand me. I don’t have low self-esteem.” Her email sent me digging into a question I’d simply never thought to ask: is social anxiety just an updated-from-the-1980s way of saying low self-esteem? In this episode, we look at why the two can overlap but are fundamentally different. If you know you're a good and competent person and still dread the party, this one’s for you.
How often have you found yourself on a Friday evening, fuzzy blanket in hand, unable to tell whether you truly are tired and should bail on your plans, or your social anxiety is just being very persuasive? This week, we tackle dear reader Jenn's question about the classic dilemma: to go or not to go? Rather than white-knuckling our way through every invitation or cancelling every time we feel a twinge of dread, we'll introduce three questions to ask that can help us decide.
Autism awareness is everywhere right now, but with that visibility comes real confusion, especially around how Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and social anxiety overlap. This week, we unpack the most important difference between the two: not what we fear, but why. We talk about how neurotypical social anxiety is driven by a gap between feared outcomes and real probability, while social anxiety tied to autism often comes from lived experience: real social friction, real consequences, real history. Then, we'll get into why standard exposure therapy can backfire for folks with ASD. If you've ever wondered whether your social anxiety is "just" anxiety or something more tied to how your brain processes social communication, this one's for you.
After a whirlwind week of birthday celebrations, houseguests, and a 60-person party, Ellen found herself ignoring three friends-of-friends at a concert, and is having a hard time shaking the guilt. In this episode, we dig into the research on social exhaustion, uncovering why everyone, not just introverts, gets tired after socializing. Drawing on studies both classic and new, we explore the hidden cost of self-regulation and land on a mix of change (next time, just say we're running on empty) and acceptance (some social burnout is simply the price of showing up fully for the people we love).
Is it anxiety, ADHD, or both? In this week's audio newsletter, we explore why these two conditions can feel similar, the surprising ways they overlap, and the big differences that can help us better understand what's driving our struggles with focus, procrastination, racing thoughts, restlessness, and overwhelm. We also discuss how genetics, modern life, uncertainty, and even excessive screen use may shape our symptoms. Most importantly, we'll learn why finding the "right" label matters less than developing coping that works and treating yourself with a little grace. *As always, all HIPAA identifiers and story details have been changed or combined while keeping the essence intact. My goal is to honor the confidentiality of therapy while sharing relatable, based-on-a-true-story examples.