
Show Notes
In this episode, Matt speaks with queer relationship coach Lonay Halloum about why we attract unavailable men. This episode will provide you with a deeper understanding of your relationship patterns and why you might be attracting unavailable men. This episode was inspired by a deep desire to help you heal the subconscious programs that lead to self-abandonment so you can end this exhausting cycle and finally attract available men.
The concepts and questions we explore in this episode are:
Matt and Lonay both share their stories about attracting unavailable men
Why do we attract unavailable men?
How do attachment styles play a role?
What is the subconscious mind, and how does it contribute to this?
How can we work with the subconscious mind to heal?
How does low self-worth play a role in this?
How can we break this cycle and start to attract available men?
Related Topics:
Matt's blog “Why do I keep on attracting avoidant men”?
Meeting your emotions: guided meditation
Research study about gay men having avoidant attachment styles
Today's Guest: Lonay Halloum
Website
Today's Host: Matt Landsiedel
TikTok
Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes
- CONNECT WITH US -
Watch podcast episodes on YouTube
Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community
Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls
Follow us on Instagram | TikTok
Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com
- LEARN WITH US -
Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.
More from Gay Men Going Deeper
Growing up gay shapes you. Even if you had a relatively good experience, many of us learned to hide parts of ourselves, seek approval, stay guarded, or adapt in order to feel safe, accepted, or lovable. Over time, those survival strategies can quietly shape our relationships, confidence, intimacy, and sense of self.
Growing up different can leave a lasting impact on how we see ourselves, our relationships, and our sense of belonging. Even years later, many gay men still carry the feeling of being on the outside looking in—surrounded by people, yet not truly known.
Apps are a huge part of modern gay life. We delete them, reinstall them, swear them off, go back on, and keep trying to figure out whether they’re helping us connect or quietly getting in the way.
Why do the guys who are a little distant, a little edgy, and a little hard to get feel so magnetic? Is it actually attraction…or is a deeper pattern being activated? In this episode, we unpack what’s going on underneath the pull toward “bad boys” and why it can feel so intense, compelling, and hard to walk away from. We talk about:
Intimacy sounds like something we all want, but being truly seen can feel terrifying.