You Have to Be Delusional: How to Reprogram Your Mind, Navigating Sobriety, Break Free from People-Pleasing, Take Accountability, & Decenter Men | MJ Gray

#168: On today's episode, we welcome relationship coach and author Stefanos Sifandos to HOW I SEE IT to unpack why we self-sabotage relationships, how childhood trauma shapes our fear of intimacy, and what it actually takes to break unhealthy relationship patterns. Stefanos opens up about his personal journey, navigating childhood abandonment and rejection, his past struggles with infidelity and sex and love compulsion, and the moment he was forced to confront the destructive patterns he had spent years avoiding. They explore the psychology behind cheating, emotional avoidance, shame, and whether people are truly capable of changing their behavior. Together, Han and Stefanos unpack why self-awareness doesn't necessarily translate into transformation, how our nervous systems become attached to familiar patterns, and why acceptance is often the most uncomfortable but necessary part of the healing process. From codependency and the need for control to intellectualizing our trauma and mistaking familiarity for safety, this conversation explores how our unhealed wounds manifest in our adult relationships and why understanding our patterns is only the beginning of breaking them. They also get into the internalized beliefs that convince us we're too much or not enough, the discomfort of nervous system healing, and the paradox of desperately wanting to be seen while simultaneously being terrified of vulnerability. They get into: Why self-awareness isn't enough to create change, and the role of radical acceptance in our healing

#167: On today's episode, we welcome Sabrina Zohar back to HOW I SEE IT. Sabrina is a dating coach, host of The Sabrina Zohar Show, and author of Why Am I Like This? Together, the girls unpack how our childhood experiences, narcissistic parental dynamics, and unresolved trauma shape the beliefs we hold about ourselves and ultimately the relationships we choose. Sabrina opens up about her personal healing journey, navigating a complicated relationship with her father, learning to move forward without accountability, and what writing her book revealed about herself. From rebuilding self-trust and identifying our "bullshit blueprint" to understanding attachment wounds, unhealthy dating patterns, and the stories beneath our emotional reactions, this conversation explores what it actually takes to break the cycles keeping us stuck. They also get into anxious attachment, the role of shame in our healing, ketamine therapy, and why real change requires more than self-awareness. The girls get into: Narcissistic parents and how it impacts our self trust

#166: On today's episode, Han is joined by psychologist Dr. Jacob Ambrose for a conversation about ADHD, neurodivergence, complex trauma, dating, attachment styles, trauma responses, and why healing often requires us to get deeply uncomfortable. Dr. Jacob explains how growing up feeling different, misunderstood, or repeatedly rejected can shape our identity, our ability to form relationships, and the way we behave when we start dating someone we actually care about. He and Han break down anxious vs. avoidant attachment, why some of us become desperate for closeness while others instinctively pull away, and what people on either side of that spectrum can actually do differently when dating and building healthy relationships. They also talk about why people with ADHD and complex trauma may experience limerence or obsessive relationship patterns, feel chronically unseen, end up in unhealthy or toxic relationships, or struggle to know when they should actually trust their gut. Dr. Jacob and Han also unpack intellectualizing your emotions, the difference between understanding your patterns and actually changing them, and one of the hardest questions that can come up during the healing process: What is actually me, and what is a trauma response? We get into: ADHD, neurodivergence, and growing up feeling different How repeated micro-rejections can impact identity and self-worth Missed ADHD, depression, shame, and feeling misunderstood Dating and forming relationships with complex trauma Anxious vs. avoidant attachment in dating Why anxious attachment can make us desperate for closeness Why avoidant attachment can make us pull away when intimacy increases What anxious and avoidant people can actually do differently when dating What is limerance? Why people with complex trauma can feel chronically unseen Why complex trauma can make it difficult to trust your gut The cost of intellectualizing your emotions instead of feeling them Why understanding your trauma isn’t always the same thing as healing it What’s authentically you vs. what may be a trauma response Why healing and self-growth require discomfort Creating healthier experiences of love, intimacy, and connection & MORE! This episode is for you if you have ADHD or identify as neurodivergent, are dating or trying to form healthier relationships while healing complex trauma, struggle with anxious or avoidant attachment, or are trying to understand what is authentically you versus what may be a trauma response.

#165: On today's episode, Han is joined by actress, comedian, creator, and the podcast host of Life's A Joke, Christina Kirkman, for a conversation about therapy, burnout, perfectionism, killing your ego, letting go of control, and learning to trust the unfolding of your life. Christina opens up about how she entered the entertainment industry, and how her relationship with expressing herself started, evolved, and has grown. She and Han talk about starting therapy, and the grief that can come with healing. They also get into using work, creativity, and humor to cope, what happens when burnout catches up with even the most driven people, and why sometimes the biggest shift comes from loosening your grip on the life you thought you were supposed to have. Christina shares how she reached a point where the version of success she had been chasing stopped working, forcing her to kill her ego, start showing up online, and allow her creativity to evolve into something she never originally planned for. The girls get into: Growing up in entertainment and Christina’s early start on All That

#164: On today’s solo episode, Han is back from New York Fashion Week, after making some really expensive entrepreneurial mistakes and leaving New York feeling more disillusioned with the influencer industry than ever. Han is popping the bubble on the things we put on pedestals and questioning everything we've been taught to believe about success. We all have these imaginary markers of success. The things we convince ourselves we need to achieve, the rooms we think we need to be in, and the milestones we assume will finally make us feel like we've made it. But how much of what we're chasing is what we genuinely want, and how much of it is simply what we've been taught successful people are supposed to want? From the realities of influencer culture to confronting her own desire for fame, Han gets honest about the expectations we create for ourselves, the relationship between ego and ambition, and what happens when the things we've spent years putting on pedestals turn out to be very different from what we imagined. Han gets into: The expensive entrepreneurial mistakes she made during New York Fashion Week (including hiring PR)