Show Notes
In this deeply honest and powerful conversation, Shaley sits down with mental health advocate, author, and peer mentor Mel to share her lived experience with bipolar disorder. Mel opens up about her early struggles, being misdiagnosed, and what it was like to experience severe depression, mania, and psychosis. She shares the reality of a nine-month depressive psychotic episode, the impact of medication, and the complexity of navigating bipolar disorder alongside physical illness, trauma, and motherhood. This episode also explores topics that are often misunderstood or left unspoken — including hypersexuality, eating disorders, stigma within families, and the challenges of accepting a lifelong diagnosis. Mel’s story is raw, real, and ultimately hopeful — a reminder that stability, purpose, and connection are possible. In this episode, we talk about:
Early signs of mental health struggles in childhood Depression, misdiagnosis, and SSRI-induced psychosis What manic and psychotic episodes actually feel like A 9-month depressive psychotic episode Eating disorders and bipolar disorder Hypersexuality and shame Medication, stigma, and acceptance Pregnancy, postpartum mental health, and bipolar Writing a memoir and healing through storytelling KEY MOMENTS: (00:32:15) SSRI-triggered depressive psychosis begins(00:35:40) Feeling like people are imposters / losing reality(00:38:10) Nine-month isolation and disconnection(00:44:55) Shift from depression into mania(00:47:20) Grand delusions (believing she could become a doctor instantly)(00:50:30) Hallucinations and suicidal psychosis
About Mel: Melissa Pang Howard is the author of the memoir Mental(ish) A Memior of Insanity and the Search for Stability. A blogger for the International Bipolar Foundation and a frequent panelist for the Reddit Bipolar AMA, she focuses on navigating Bipolar 1, c-PTSD, and the path from surviving to thriving. Through her writing and advocacy, Melissa explores the intersections of trauma, identity, and resilience to support others on their journey toward stability. Purchase Mel's Memoir here: Mental(ish): A Memoir of Insanity and the Search for Stability Connect with Mel:Instagram: @mindful_movement_for_mania Connect with Shaley: www.thisisbipolar.comInstagram: @this.is.bipolar Do you have a Bipolar Peer Support Group? Shaley private Instagram subscriber group is a safe, supportive space for people living with bipolar disorder. It’s a place to be seen, heard, and understood — where you can share openly, connect with others who truly get it, and find support on both the hard days and the good ones. Members also have access to monthly Zoom meetups for deeper connection and conversation. How to join:Go to @this.is.bipolar on Instagram and tap “Subscribe” to access the private chat and community.
More from this is bipolar
The whole world has been talking about psychosis with the Lindsay Clancy case. The experience is so misrepresented and misunderstood in mainstream media. In this episode of This Is Bipolar, Shaley Hoogendoorn talks with returning guest Charise Jewell about psychosis and bipolar disorder from someone who actually experienced the condition more than once. Charise shares how psychosis appeared during mania, including hallucinations, delusions, hospitalization, and the challenges of recovery. Together, they address common misconceptions, the importance of compassionate support, and why psychosis does not define a person. Timestamps: (00:10:53) Charise recognizes her own experiences in the symptom list(00:19:37) The broth story and how mania can affect judgment(00:28:06) Why psychosis can feel completely real(00:33:34) What led Charise’s husband to take her to the hospital(00:38:46) Charise’s confusion and denial during her first hospital stay(00:44:22) The second episode and the return of manic symptoms(00:50:53) Asking for better training and accountability in mental health care(00:56:28) Charise’s advice for listeners who are worried about symptoms(00:10:53) Charise recognizes her own experiences in the symptom list(00:19:37) The broth story and how mania can affect judgment(00:28:06) Why psychosis can feel completely real (00:33:34) What led Charise’s husband to take her to the hospital(00:38:46) Charise’s confusion and denial during her first hospital stay(00:44:22) The second episode and the return of manic symptoms(00:50:53) Asking for better training and accountability in mental health care(00:56:28) Charise’s advice for listeners who are worried about symptoms
In this episode, Shaley Hoogendoorn and Dr. Andrea Vassilev discuss the impact of bipolar disorder on work life, sharing personal experiences, statistics, and practical strategies for managing employment challenges. They aim to provide support and insights for those living with bipolar and navigating the workplace. Chapters (00:08:16) Managing Symptoms and Work Challenges (00:12:18) Symptoms That Can Affect Work Performance (00:15:18) Reliability, Predictability, and Bipolar (00:23:20) How Hypomania and Depression Affect Work (00:27:36) Managing Work During Mood Episodes (00:30:16) Should You Disclose Bipolar at Work? (00:38:17) Workplace Accommodations and Strategies (00:54:09) The Strengths and Gifts of Living With Bipolar About Shaley Hoogendoorn Shaley Hoogendoorn is the host and creator of This Is Bipolar, a podcast about navigating life with bipolar disorder. Shaley is a mental health advocate, speaker, content creator, mother, writer, and teacher who lives with bipolar II disorder. Through This Is Bipolar, Shaley shares her own experiences and creates space for honest conversations about bipolar disorder, mental health, stigma, relationships, parenting, work, and recovery. Her mission is to challenge stigma, reduce shame and self-stigma, create connection, and remind people living with bipolar disorder that they are not alone. 🎙️ Visit This Is Bipolar:https://www.thisisbipolar.com/ 📱 Follow Shaley on Instagram:@this.is.bipolarhttps://www.instagram.com/this.is.bipolar/ Join the This Is Bipolar Community 💛 Want more connection and support between episodes? Become an Instagram subscriber to This Is Bipolar and join our private peer-support community. Subscribers can take part in a monthly Zoom gathering and connect through a private community chat with others who understand what it's like to live with bipolar disorder. It's a space to share experiences, ask questions, offer support, and build connection in a welcoming community. 📱 Join us on Instagram:@this.is.bipolarhttps://www.instagram.com/this.is.bipolar/ Tap Subscribe on Instagram to become part of the community. About Dr. Andrea Vassilev Dr. Andrea Vassilev, PsyD, is a clinician, academic, writer, speaker, and mental health advocate who has lived with bipolar disorder for nearly 30 years. She specializes in treating bipolar disorder and is passionate about reducing stigma and helping people living with bipolar build meaningful, authentic lives. Andrea is the creator of Overcoming Self-Stigma in Bipolar Disorder (OSSiBD), an original program designed specifically to address self-stigma in bipolar disorder. Her work brings together clinical knowledge and lived experience, and her advocacy focuses on integrating lived experience into bipolar research, treatment, and education. Her workbook, Beyond the Bipolar Label: A Workbook to Overcome Self-Stigma, Break Free from Shame, and Live Authentically, provides practical tools to help people challenge shame and negative beliefs, build self-compassion, reclaim their identity, and move beyond the limitations of the bipolar label. 🌐 Andrea's Website:https://www.andreavassilev.com/ 📱 Follow Andrea on Instagram:@best.life.bipolarhttps://www.instagram.com/best.life.bipolar/ 📖 Beyond the Bipolar Label:https://www.newharbinger.com/9781648486685/beyond-the-bipolar-label/
In this deeply personal episode of This Is Bipolar, Dr. Andrea Vassilev sits down with Shaley Hoogendoorn for an honest conversation about one of the most difficult and unexpected years of Shaley's life. Shaley opens up about the sudden end of her marriage, how she discovered that her life was about to change, and what it has been like to navigate the shock, grief, and trauma of a divorce she never saw coming. Andrea helps Shaley look back on the past year—not just at what happened, but at what happened inside of her as she tried to process an enormous loss while also living with bipolar disorder. Together, they talk about the impact that trauma, grief, uncertainty, and attachment injury can have on mental health and mood stability. Shaley shares candidly about how this experience affected her bipolar disorder, the fear of becoming unwell during a crisis, and the work it has taken to recognize what is trauma, what is grief, and what may be connected to bipolar symptoms. The conversation also explores self-stigma and the complicated feelings that can surface when someone with bipolar disorder is struggling. Instead of simply being allowed to grieve, there can be an added layer of questioning: Is this a normal response to what I've been through? Is this my bipolar disorder? Am I becoming unwell? Can I trust myself? Shaley and Andrea discuss the things that have helped Shaley move through the past year, including therapy, medication, community, peer support, self-care, honesty, and learning to trust herself again. They also talk about healing when there is no neat ending—when you're still living in the "messy middle" and taking life one small step at a time. This isn't a story told from the other side with everything wrapped up in a bow. It's a conversation about what it looks like to keep going while you're still grieving, rebuilding, parenting, managing bipolar disorder, and figuring out what your life looks like now. It's an honest update on where Shaley has been, where she is today, and the hope she is slowly finding as she begins to imagine what might come next. (00:08:25) The phone search that revealed “divorce lawyer”(00:11:09) The first weeks of shock, panic, and physical overwhelm(00:16:24) Trauma, fragmentation, and why the story feels hard to tell(00:19:04) Losing the identity of wife, stay-at-home mom, and financial safety(00:22:52) Ambiguous grief and the death of a life that could have been(00:25:06) How the crisis affected bipolar symptoms(00:28:44) Suicidal ideation and getting through the worst moments safely(00:31:02) Self-stigma, feeling unlovable, and challenging that belief(00:37:28) Protecting sleep, medication changes, and weekly therapy(00:46:16) Glimmers, future hopes, and learning to trust myself again with Shaley Hoogendoorn for an honest conversation about one of the most difficult and unexpected years of Shaley's life. Shaley opens up about the sudden end of her marriage, how she discovered that her life was about to change, and what it has been like to navigate the shock, grief, and trauma of a divorce she never saw coming. Andrea helps Shaley look back on the past year—not just at what happened, but at what happened inside of her as she tried to process an enormous loss while also living with bipolar disorder. Together, they talk about the impact that trauma, grief, uncertainty, and attachment injury can have on mental health and mood stability. Shaley shares candidly about how this experience affected her bipolar disorder, the fear of becoming unwell during a crisis, and the work it has taken to recognize what is trauma, what is grief, and what may be connected to bipolar symptoms. The conversation also explores self-stigma and the complicated feelings that can surface when someone with bipolar disorder is struggling. Instead of simply being allowed to grieve, there can be an added layer of questioning: Is this a normal response to what I've been through? Is this my bipolar disorder? Am
Living with bipolar disorder can look different for everyone, but one thing many people share is the pressure to pretend they're okay when they're struggling. In this honest conversation, Shaley Hoogendoorn sits down with returning guest Lee Formella to talk about what it's has been like living with bipolar disorder as a man. Together they discuss late diagnosis, learning acceptance, managing anger, masking symptoms at work, addiction, and why men often struggle to ask for help. Lee shares how years of therapy, medication, and self-awareness have changed his life—not by eliminating bipolar disorder, but by helping him build a life that's more manageable and meaningful. Whether you live with bipolar disorder, support someone who does, or simply want to better understand mental illness, this conversation offers hope, validation, and practical insight. In This Episode
Join hosts Shaley Hoogendoorn and Dr. Andrea Vassilev as they delve into the complexities of traveling with Bipolar Disorder in this enlightening episode of 'this is bipolar'. Together, they explore how changing time zones and disrupted routines can impact mental health, offering practical tips to manage these challenges. They share personal stories and expert insights on maintaining balance and stability while traveling, ensuring that your adventure is both memorable and manageable.Discover strategies for regulating your body's internal clock, managing overstimulation, and finding downtime for self-care even amidst the excitement of travel. Shaley and Andrea underscore the importance of self-awareness, planning, and kindness towards oneself, creating a roadmap for travellers with Bipolar Disorder to feel empowered rather than overwhelmed.Tune in for an open, supportive conversation that empowers listeners to embrace travel with confidence and self-compassion.Resources Mentioned:Be sure to sign up for my newsletter at thisisbipolar.com (https://www.thisisbipolar.com/) to get a free "Bipolar Travel Toolkit" PDF to help you prepare ahead and manage bipolar disorder while traveling. Jet Lag Rooster (http://www.jetlagrooster.com/)Chris Aiken Jet Lag Document (https://chrisaikenmd.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/jetlag.pdf) Chapter Markers:(00:04:15) Challenges of Travel(00:06:26) The Impact of Social Rhythms(00:09:27) Substance Use on Vacation(00:10:36) Personal Travel Stories(00:15:25) Comfort Items and Coping(00:20:17) Managing Physical Wellbeing(00:24:49) Navigating Support at Airports(00:40:40) Encouragement and Empowerment Connect with us:IG @this.is.bipolar (https://www.instagram.com/this.is.bipolar/)Youtube: this is bipolar channel (https://www.youtube.com/@thisisbipolar)TT @this.is.bipolar Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening. If this episode or podcast means something to you, I would be forever grateful if you would follow/subscribe the ‘this is bipolar’ podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts so you stay up to date. It would also mean the world to me if you gave a 5 ⭐️ star review- this helps the podcast reach those who need to hear it most. Much love, Shaley xo More about your Host:Shaley Hoogendoorn is a speaker, content creator and currently hosts the popular “this is bipolar” vlog and podcast. She lives with bipolar 2 disorder and shares her story and the stories of others to dismantle the stigma around mental illness. Shaley is passionate about educating and empowering others about bipolar disorder. She has contributed to publications for Sanctuary Ministries, Psych Central and BP Hope magazine. She hosted a series interviewing women living with mental illnesses at SheLoves Magazine in a series named "Sisters in Mental Illness." Shaley’s greatest hope is that creating safe spaces to connect will give hope and comfort those that struggle. Meet our Guest Co-Host:Dr. Andrea Vassilev holds a doctorate in psychology, is a therapist in California, and has lived with bipolar disorder for over 25 years. Andrea is the creator of the program Overcoming Self-Stigma in Bipolar Disorder and serves on the Board of Directors of the International Society for Bipolar Disorders. As a clinician and academic with lived experience, Andrea brings a special perspective to both her professional and advocacy work. Andrea hopes that by telling her own story of life with bipolar disorder through the lenses of clinical causes, treatments, and outcomes that she can provide education, hope, and comfort to others. UPDATE- Andrea's Book is now available get you book or audiobook BEYOND THE BIPOLAR LABEL: A Workbook to Over come Stelf-stigma, Break Free from Shame and Live Authetically Beyond the Bipolar Label amazon US link You can connect with her on Instagram @best.life.bipolar or at www.andreavassilev.com