Adam Darrow, From Threesomes to Ethical Non-Monogamy, One Man's Journey Beyond Jealousy and Societal Induced Shame Video
Oh F*ck Yeah with Ruan WillowShow Notes
This is a replay to get the video version of the episode onto podcast apps that previously only had the audio version. Season 6, Episode 746: From Threesomes to Non-Monogamy: One Man's Journey Beyond Jealousy and Shame with author Adam Darrow about his edgy, honest, and raw memoir "Seek the Risk" (affiliate link) https://amzn.to/3KrboVR This was an enlightening conversation and one many should listen to. Expanding our boundaries may seem difficult, and it doesn't pan out for everyone, but either way, valuble lessons are learned about oneself, one's limitations become clearer when faced with new challenges, and what we are willing to do for love becomes obvious. A question to ask yourself, well, more than one, what cultural shame is holding you back? Why should we allow culture to decide what is acceptable and what isn't? Would you ever stare normalcy in the face and give it the finger and do what you want? Even if it cost you relationships? Can you withstand the heat of a cultural assault from a judgmental mob of societal norm enforcers? (even if they are your friends and family?) Or would you just stand up tall, point your chin up, and say FU and just do it? When Adam Darrow met Jane at forty, he thought he was the adventurous one. After all, he'd spent his twenties competing in extreme sports and had explored threesomes—that made him pretty edgy, right? Then Jane, a PhD psychologist who spoke five languages, told him she didn't do boyfriends (and she meant it). Drawing from his background in extreme sports, Darrow spent two and a half years transitioning into non-monogamy, followed by three challenging years of emotional work before finding equilibrium.
The journey wasn't easy. He didn't think he could do it. When his partner Jane publicly announced their arrangement on Facebook in 2009, Darrow watched his life wildly transform. His best friend called him derogatory names. But over time, he discovered something unexpected: jealousy could be channeled into motivation to become a better partner. What initially felt emasculating became an opportunity to overcome deep-seated insecurities like imposter syndrome and validation-seeking.
His memoir chronicles this transformative experience through vulnerable storytelling that includes explicit extreme sexual details and uncomfortable emotional truths, as well as healing and growth. How did keeping emotions bottled up nearly break him? The book explores that question while advocating for moving beyond societal shame around sexuality, relationship conformity, and focusing on personal authenticity rather than rigid beliefs about relationships.
Estimated Timeline: Adam Darrow's Journey Into Non-Monogamy 00:03:40 - PhD Psychologist with Unconventional Past 00:06:43 - Extreme Sports Skills Applied to Non-Monogamy 00:09:13 - Separating Sex from Emotion in Relationships 00:19:57 - Managing Jealousy Through Don't Ask, Don't Tell 00:22:26 - From Jealousy to Compersion in Open Relationships 00:25:11 - Breaking Through Shame and Choosing Each Other 00:28:42 - Walking the Beach: Questioning My Limits, book excerpt 00:33:17 - Understanding Nesting Couples and Non-Monogamy 00:39:43 - Letting Go of Control in Relationships 00:46:22 - Vulnerability and Authenticity in Memoir Writing 00:51:51 - Writing the Book and Her Reaction 00:58:17 - Identity Beyond Sexual Acts, sexuality 01:06:44 - Overcoming Jealousy Through Personal Growth 01:11:27 - Healthy vs Unhealthy Jealousy in Relationships
Connect with Adam Darrow: Link to the books website www.seektherisk.net Substack seektherisk.substack.com Email for folks to contact Adam at [email protected] insta: @seektherisk Support the show Newsletters https://subscribepage.io/ruanwillow https://linktr.ee/RuanWillow Affiliate Firm Tech 15% OFF with code ruan15 https://myfirmtech.com/ruanwillow
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