Why Being “Low-Maintenance” Is Costly

Most of us have a stack of self-help books we fully intend to get to. Our friend Misty Stinnett, co-host of Go Help Yourself, has read hundreds of them for her show, and she joins us to talk about reading when your attention has its own plans. Misty is quick to say she isn’t an ADHD expert, but she has years of practice getting through a book she’ll have to explain on a microphone a week later, and plenty of what she’s learned carries over for the rest of us. Her favorite permission slip is that the book works for you. You aren’t on the clock for it. If one idea sticks and changes how you see something, the book did its job, even at 500 pages. Knowing what’s at stake for you before you open a book helps. So does putting it down without guilt when it stops connecting. There’s room for the slow road too: visiting a hard book a paragraph at a time on the days that’s all your brain will give. The members version includes the pre-show, with a face-blindness mystery thriller recommendation and the origin story of “bless the baby.” The after-show is packed with listener questions: whether to reread, how to remember what you heard in the car, why a single paragraph can wear you out, and the old guilt some of us carry about reading for fun. It ends with a book recommendation that brings us full circle. Join us patreon.com/theadhdpodcast and see what you’re missing! Plus get the companion guide, Let the Book Work for You, with reflection questions and reframes for the thoughts that keep a book stuck on the nightstand. Grab the guide right here. Links & Notes Go Help Yourself The Visit with Kourosh Dini, MD Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman Reading Without Eye Movements (Journal of the International Neuropsychological Society, 2025) Support the Show on Patreon Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

Last season, Dr. Kathleen Nadeau described a lot of ADHD struggle as a planting problem, and we've been thinking about it a bunch. This episode is about environment, and how much of what gets blamed on ADHD comes down to where you are and who you're with. We break it into what we're calling the three gardens: the right job, the right room and the right people. A lot of the classic willpower research is shakier than its reputation. The marshmallow test turned out to say more about kids' home lives than anyone expected. The idea that sugar refuels your self-control ran into trouble when people who only rinsed with sugar water did just as well as people who drank it. If you've been telling yourself you need to try harder, we’ve got you. There's a coffee shop where a book got written, and a college move-in where getting a few pictures on the wall was what finally eased the overwhelm. If you're wondering whether your job still fits, there's a useful question in here: is this still working for me? Asking it that way leaves room for the job to have changed, so you don't have to start from the assumption that you failed. The members version includes the pre-show, where we catch up on our kids' new college apartments and John Green's new novel. The after-show has the story of how Pete's mom's rose garden ended up in the Smithsonian, plus headphone advice for anyone stuck in an open-plan office. It also has a live demo of FocusFlight, an app that turns a work session into a pretend flight. Links & Notes Support the Show on Patreon Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

You'd swear you sent that email. You can picture yourself writing it. And then you find it, unsent, still marked unread. This week, Pete and Nikki borrow the literary idea of the unreliable narrator to explore why ADHD makes us shaky witnesses to our own lives. They look at how working memory, time blindness, and mood bend the story we tell ourselves, and at research showing how far self-assessment can drift from the record. Then they turn to practical ways to get a clearer picture: asking the people around you what they see (RSD and all), capturing moments while they're fresh, and letting the data you already generate tell you what you actually accomplished. Along the way, Nikki shares how coaching helps clients notice their own patterns, and why a log should help you see instead of grading you. Links & Notes Accuracy of Self-Evaluation in Adults with ADHD: Evidence from a Driving Study, the 2005 Knouse, Bagwell, Barkley, and Murphy study Pete discusses The Fragile Dance of Memory and ADHD with Dr. Daniella Karidi, one of the three episodes referenced ADHDtime, Daniella Karidi's coaching practice Join our Patreon community Join the Discord

You say it a dozen times a day. Somebody asks how you're doing, and before you've had a chance to check, you've already said you're … fine. In this conversation, we pick up a thread from our earlier episode with Dr. Sharon Saline on masking and follow it somewhere much smaller. Not the protective mask you choose in a hard moment, but the everyday one that's been on so long you've lost the off switch. We talk about what the gap between the performance and the truth actually costs you in energy and loneliness, why nobody offers help to someone who looks fine, and what happens when you say it to the people at home who genuinely want to know. We also get practical about lowering it: how to pick one safe moment, how to resist the urge to reassure everyone that it's all going to be okay, and why your body usually notices you're performing before you do. Plus get the companion worksheet, Where Am I Wearing Fine?, to help you spot your own pattern. Links & Notes Support the Show on Patreon Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database

Are you doing the thing because of what you'll get, or because of what you're afraid of? Both get the task done. Only one of them is sustainable. This week, Dr. Ari Tuckman returns to talk about approach and avoidance, and why so many of us have only ever learned to start the second engine. We get into why avoidance works just well enough to become a habit, why "not as bad" is a ceiling rather than a goal, and what actually changes in a life that runs more on what you're moving toward. Along the way: the difference between shame and embarrassment and why it matters more than it sounds, what to do at 8 a.m. on a Monday when everything on the list feels equally urgent, and the case for disappointing people early instead of late. Links & Notes Get the “3 Reasons” Prioritization Worksheet Right Here! ADHD & Marriage: Learn to thrive in your relationship with Ari Tuckman, PsyD, MBA; Rachel Ban, LICSW; and Melissa Orlov! Support the Show on Patreon Dig into the podcast Shownotes Database