Show Notes
In gay culture, “body count” refers to how many people you’ve slept with. And whether it’s high or low, it often feels like a no-win situation. Have a low body count and you risk being seen as repressed, inexperienced, or undesirable. Have a high one and you’re either celebrated… or slut shamed.
In this off-the-cuff conversation, we unpack why gay men are stuck between purity culture and performance culture, and how both distort our relationship to sex, desire, and self-worth.
We explore:
Why body count became a stand-in for confidence and masculinity
How sex gets turned into proof of worth instead of a personal choice
The difference between sexual freedom and sexual pressure
Why sex positivity isn’t about having more sex, or less sex What sexual empowerment actually looks like when shame isn’t running the show
This episode isn’t about judging how much sex you’ve had. It’s about reclaiming choice, agency, and a healthier relationship to desire.
Join the Sexual Empowerment 101 7-week men’s group Link
Today's Hosts:
Michael DiIorio - Take the 360° Self-Review for Gay Men
Matt Landsiedel
Support the Show - viewer and listener support helps us to continue making episodes
- CONNECT WITH US -
Watch podcast episodes on YouTube
Join the Gay Men's Brotherhood Facebook community
Get on our email list to get access to our monthly Zoom calls
Follow us on Instagram | TikTok
Learn more about our community at GayMenGoingDeeper.com
- LEARN WITH US -
Building Better Relationships online course: Learn how to nurture more meaningful and authentic connections with yourself and others.
Healing Your Shame online course: Begin the journey toward greater confidence and self-worth by learning how to recognize and deal with toxic shame.
Gay Men Going Deeper Coaching Collection: Lifetime access to BOTH courses + 45 coaching videos and 2 workshop series.
Take the Attachment Style Quiz to determine your attachment style and get a free report.
More from Gay Men Going Deeper
Growing up gay shapes you. Even if you had a relatively good experience, many of us learned to hide parts of ourselves, seek approval, stay guarded, or adapt in order to feel safe, accepted, or lovable. Over time, those survival strategies can quietly shape our relationships, confidence, intimacy, and sense of self.
Growing up different can leave a lasting impact on how we see ourselves, our relationships, and our sense of belonging. Even years later, many gay men still carry the feeling of being on the outside looking in—surrounded by people, yet not truly known.
Apps are a huge part of modern gay life. We delete them, reinstall them, swear them off, go back on, and keep trying to figure out whether they’re helping us connect or quietly getting in the way.
Why do the guys who are a little distant, a little edgy, and a little hard to get feel so magnetic? Is it actually attraction…or is a deeper pattern being activated? In this episode, we unpack what’s going on underneath the pull toward “bad boys” and why it can feel so intense, compelling, and hard to walk away from. We talk about:
Intimacy sounds like something we all want, but being truly seen can feel terrifying.