Show Notes
There are two kinds of people in this world: people with "fuck you" energy, and people with "fuck me" energy. And both of them are a trap.In this solo episode, I lay out a framework I learned from the Light Dark Institute that I talk about more than almost anything else in my life — because once you see it, you can't unsee it. You'll start categorising everyone you meet. It's like waking up from the matrix."Fuck you" energy: I'd rather give up connection than give up my own power. The armor, the island, the high-status loneliness."Fuck me" energy: I'd rather give up my own power than lose connection. The shrinking, the self-erasure, the pedestals.The antidote to both? "I fucking love myself, AND I fucking love you." Strong spine, open heart.Then I take this somewhere most people never do — into dominance and submission. Because these two energies show up in the bedroom, in kink, in the way we fantasise, in ways most people completely misunderstand:▸ Why "fuck me" people chase submission as an escape from self-loathing (I call them "frenzied submissives")▸ Why "fuck you" people fantasise about being forced or taken advantage of (the "reluctant submissive" and the brat)▸ What forced feminization is really about for so many crossdressers▸ Why the kink that heals you eventually loses its charge — and why that's a good thing▸ The two-thrones model of dominance and submission at its most spiritualI also share my own story — a reformed "fuck you" energy who had to learn that only fragile things need armor.This one's personal. Let's get into it.🌀 With gratitude to the Light Dark Institute and to John Wineland, whose "strong spine, open heart" language runs through this episode.Chapters:0:00 – Two kinds of people: the two energies0:56 – Welcome to Soul Kink Therapy1:17 – "Fuck you" energy explained1:52 – "Fuck me" energy explained2:52 – Why both energies are a trap3:49 – The antidote: strong spine, open heart5:56 – My story: a reformed "fuck you" energy7:42 – "I won. I was high-status. And I was so lonely."10:11 – "Fuck me" energy and the shadow of generosity11:19 – Applying this to dominance and submission13:55 – Frenzied submissives: chasing relief from self-loathing16:05 – Reluctant submissives, being "forced," and the brat20:01 – What forced feminization is really about20:45 – Why the kink that heals you loses its charge21:37 – Two thrones: the most epic love concept24:26 – A closing blessing—Topics in this episode:• Fuck you energy vs fuck me energy (Light Dark Institute framework)• Avoidant and anxious attachment in relationships• Strong spine, open heart (John Wineland)• Dominance and submission psychology• Why people fantasize about being forced (consensual non-consent)• The brat archetype in kink• Forced feminization and crossdressing shame• How kink heals the wound that made it hot• Self-love as the antidote to both energies#dominatrix #dominanceandsubmission #kinkWebsite:https://www.soulkink.com
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Am I addicted to crossdressing? To porn? To latex? To kink?If you’ve ever purged the clothes, the toys, the panties — swore you were done — then bought it all back weeks later… this episode is about that cycle.This is not a yes-or-no diagnosis. Emily Letts gives you a framework you can actually use:Anything can be associative or dissociative.The same behavior can pull you deeper into your life — or help you leave it.In Part 1 of this two-part episode, Emily talks about:• The binge-purge cycle around dressing, porn, and kink• Why “is this bad?” is the wrong question• How attachment and isolation sit underneath “addiction”• Her dad’s story as a 25-year police officer who came home and numbed out• The question: is there one person, not your spouse, who fully knows you?• Why kink often becomes the trailhead when therapy never felt safe• A resource list vs a dissociative list you can make today• Why shame is what keeps the purge going• Why crossdressing is not inherently the problem — your relationship to it isWork with Emily:https://www.soulkink.com/Framework inspired by teacher Katie Asmus (somatic / nature-based therapy).This episode is educational, not clinical diagnosis or medical advice.TIMESTAMPS0:00 – Am I addicted? The purge1:45 – Welcome to Soul Kink Therapy2:07 – Associative vs dissociative3:00 – Same behavior, different relationship4:26 – Into your life, or out of it?4:43 – A family lineage of addiction5:36 – Dad’s story: 25 years as a cop7:05 – The man no one fully knows7:46 – Is there one person (not your spouse) who knows you?8:27 – Numbing, TV, and first-responder silence9:24 – What this costs your family10:15 – Why kink becomes the trailhead11:03 – You are a full person11:37 – Not personality. Nervous system.12:49 – Addiction and attachment13:03 – Attachment theory and co-regulation17:02 – Secure vs insecure attachment18:00 – Why some men can only rest alone22:27 – “I’m not going to live a numbed-out life”23:34 – Getting “addicted” to self-inquiry24:21 – If you dress to escape… from what?25:00 – Life isn’t something you’re meant to run from26:43 – Everyone is addicted to something26:56 – Emily’s social media case study28:50 – Stop asking “am I an addict?”29:58 – Make a resource list34:15 – How to use the list when you want to escape35:12 – Make a dissociative list37:34 – Crossdressing is not inherently bad38:39 – It may be giving you nutrients you need39:40 – Be gentle with yourself40:35 – What’s coming in Part 241:15 – If this is overwhelming, get support41:43 – Initiation call + close#Crossdressing #BingePurge #Kink Website:https://www.soulkink.com/
Picture it: you're dressed, you feel amazing, you scheduled this — and the second you walk into the room, your body slams shut. Stomach swirling, chest tight, a voice screaming "I don't want to do this."If you've ever deeply wanted intimacy and then frozen the moment it arrived, this episode is for you.Emily gets radically honest about her own version of this — as a sexuality educator who, just six months ago, shut down completely walking into a scheduled intimacy session with her partner. No acute trauma to explain it. Just a war between parts. This episode is the map she wishes she'd had.Using Internal Family Systems (parts work), Emily breaks down why "I want it but my body says no" happens — and the exact process for working through it.In this episode:▸ A quick, non-clinical intro to parts work: protectors, exiles, and the calm Self underneath▸ Meet Cruella — the protector built by "the modern woman" archetype (via her teacher Om Rupani), who loved being sexy for status but shut down real vulnerability▸ Meet nymph and Sid — the arousal parts that were waiting underneath once Cruella softened▸ Why external consent without internal consent leads to the shutdown▸ Patricia Rich's Self-Led Sexuality and the "F" sequence: Find, Focus, Flesh out, Feel toward, Befriend, Fears▸ Why kinky, crossdressing, and non-monogamous folks have MORE internal negotiation to do — and why that's not a flaw▸ Your crossdressing part isn't a contradiction to fix — it needs recognition, not correction▸ A closing thank-you to the protector that kept her safe all alongThis is the work Emily is known for. If it lands, it can change your relationship with your own arousal.🌀 With gratitude to Om Rupani (the "modern woman" archetype) and Patricia Rich (Self-Led Sexuality), whose frameworks shape this episode. Internal Family Systems was developed by Richard Schwartz.Chapters:0:00 – "My body shut down": the contradiction2:41 – Welcome to Soul Kink Therapy3:09 – Parts work 101: protectors, exiles, and the Self6:49 – Back to the ceremony room: desire meets shutdown8:28 – The part that changed everything8:51 – "The modern woman": sexy as a weapon for status10:08 – Meet Cruella, the protector12:50 – Meet nymph: the arousal underneath14:03 – Meet Sid: the giggly sadist15:21 – A framework you can use yourself16:12 – Consent culture and its blind spot18:14 – External consent vs internal consent18:45 – The F sequence: Find, Focus, Flesh out, Feel toward, Befriend, Fears24:25 – Why our sexual relationship is so strong now25:22 – For kinksters, crossdressers, and the non-monogamous28:39 – Where to get support29:34 – A thank-you to CruellaTopics in this episode:• Desire discrepancy and sexual shutdown• Internal Family Systems (parts work) for sexuality• Self-Led Sexuality (Patricia Rich)• The "modern woman" archetype (Om Rupani)• Internal consent vs external consent• Crossdressing and kink as parts, not problems• How to work with sexual anxiety and freeze#sextherapy #partswork #internalfamilysystemsWebsite:https://www.soulkink.com