202. Stages of Healing After Betrayal: From Victim Thinking to Choosing Your Life (Part 1)
The Empowered Divorce PodcastShow Notes
This episode is a re-airing of a previously recorded two-part series on shifting from a victim mindset into a chooser mindset after betrayal, abuse, and relational trauma. I’m bringing this one back because this framework has been coming up more with clients lately, especially those navigating divorce, post-separation abuse, and the early rebuilding stages of their life after betrayal. In this first part, I walk through the “Victim → Emerger” stages of healing and the thoughts that often show up in each space. This isn’t about labeling yourself or putting yourself in a box. It’s about building awareness so you can recognize where your mind tends to land under stress, overwhelm, or trauma activation. We explore how certain thoughts in the victim stage are actually protective in the beginning—but can become limiting when we stay there too long. Then we move into the emerger stage, where reality starts to come into focus, emotions begin to surface, and possibility starts to feel slightly more accessible. You’ll hear themes around: Betrayal trauma and loss of trust Why victim thoughts are often protective, not “wrong” Power, agency, and where it actually lives Numbing, shutdown, and emotional overwhelm The beginning shift into awareness and possibility (emerging stage) Anger and grief as part of forward movement What it looks like to start seeing patterns instead of collapse This is Part 1 of a two-part series. Next week I’ll re-air Part 2 where I move into Reclaimer and Chooser mindset stages and how we begin stepping into agency in a grounded, embodied way. If you’re in a season where things feel disorienting, heavy, or unclear—this framework is meant to help you orient, not judge where you are. And just a reminder: healing isn’t linear, and you don’t move through these stages perfectly. Most people move in and out of them as they stabilize and rebuild. FULL PDF LINK: https://canva.link/victimtochooser _________________________ ✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING https://amiewoolsey.com/amie-woolsey 📍 Dating From Within Workshop- June 11th-13th 👉 Click here to register https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page 💬 Empowered Divorce Q&A – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month. 👣 Body Love Class – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal. 📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.🎯 Start by taking the quiz 📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced CourseWant real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.👉 Check it out here 📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.👉 Learn more + enroll 💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: Click here 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey
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Musicbed -January 8, 2024The Music Bed, LLC ("MB") approves the use of "Today Will Be The Day - Instrumental" (Composition(s) and Master(s)) for intro"intro" (the "Production") pursuant to your request date January 8, 2024 as follows:SECTION IComposition/Master: Today Will Be The Day - InstrumentalArtist(s): Summer Kennedy
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With the Cornell 7 case all over social media, so many women are wondering whether what happened to them counts, including what happened inside their marriage. This episode is for you. I’m re-airing my conversation with marriage and family therapist Geoff Steurer about sexual consent in marriage. We talk about why marriage is never a blanket yes, how coercion shows up in everyday ways, why your body’s response doesn’t mean you consented, and how pornography shapes our beliefs about sex. Before the conversation, I share the ways we rationalize what happened, how coercion can continue after divorce, and what healthy sex really looks like. You are the chooser of your life and your body, and you can choose to heal. Content note: This episode discusses sexual coercion and assault. Please listen with care. If you need support, RAINN’s 24/7 hotline is 1-800-656-4673 (rainn.org). @geoffsteurer https://www.geoffsteurer.com/ ________
Today I’m talking about indifference—the idea that if you feel nothing about your ex, you must be “healed.” I get why that sounds appealing after betrayal, trauma, and a life-saving divorce, but I don’t think indifference is a reliable measure of growth, especially when you’re still co-parenting and their choices keep impacting you and your kids. If you spiral when they start dating, brace when a text comes in, or feel grief watching your children be let down, that doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means something real is being touched. Instead of asking “How do I stop caring?” I invite you to ask “What just happened in me?” and “What needs my attention?” Somatic healing, honest emotional clarity, and boundaries can help you find relief while still building the life you choose. _________ ✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING https://amiewoolsey.com/amie-woolsey Free Video Series "Am I In An Abusive Relationship" :You will receive an email containing videos that guide you through the 8 domains of a relationship and explore potentially destructive dynamics you may be experiencing.Each video includes a worksheet to help you reflect on your lived experience and gain greater clarity and understanding of your reality.Please note: the email subject line will not include the word "abuse." https://amiewoolsey.com/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship 📍 Dating From Within Workshop- January 14-16th 2027!! 👉 Click here to join interest list https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page 💬 Empowered Divorce Q&A – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month. 👣 Body Love Class – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal. 📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.🎯 Start by taking the quiz 📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced CourseWant real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.👉 Check it out here 📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.👉 Learn more + enroll 💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: Click here 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey Need support ?📩 [email protected] Musicbed -January 8, 2024The Music Bed, LLC ("MB") approves the use of "Today Will Be The Day - Instrumental" (Composition(s) and Master(s)) for intro"intro" (the "Production") pursuant to your request date January 8, 2024 as follows:SECTION IComposition/Master: Today Will Be The Day - InstrumentalArtist(s): Summer Kennedy
I’m excited to welcome licensed psychotherapist and author Terri Cole back to the podcast to talk about her upcoming book, Father Wound (out November 17th), building on our past conversation about Too Much and the high-functioning codependent. Terri defines the “father wound” as a psychological and emotional injury from an absent, abusive, or emotionally unavailable father figure (and broader patriarchal conditioning) that creates a core worthiness wound, without needing to villainize fathers or involve them in the healing process. We discuss myths, how unhealed wounds can look like strengths, and key symptoms including perfectionism, people-pleasing, harsh inner critic, anxiety or numbness, self-abandonment, disordered boundaries, fear of abandonment, hyper-independence, and hypervigilance. Terri shares how healing through self-awareness, compassion, nervous-system practices, and integration can change relationship patterns and dating choices, plus resources, bonuses, and her free pre-order retreat at fatherwoundbook.com. terricole.com __________________ ✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING https://amiewoolsey.com/amie-woolsey Free Video Series "Am I In An Abusive Relationship" :You will receive an email containing videos that guide you through the 8 domains of a relationship and explore potentially destructive dynamics you may be experiencing.Each video includes a worksheet to help you reflect on your lived experience and gain greater clarity and understanding of your reality.Please note: the email subject line will not include the word "abuse." https://amiewoolsey.com/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship 📍 Dating From Within Workshop- June 11th-13th 👉 Click here to join interest list https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page 💬 Empowered Divorce Q&A – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month. 👣 Body Love Class – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal. 📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.🎯 Start by taking the quiz 📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced CourseWant real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.👉 Check it out here 📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.👉 Learn more + enroll 💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: Click here 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey
In today’s episode, I’m sharing a few quick updates (no October live Q&A because I’ll be in Vancouver for training, the next Dating From Within workshop interest list is open for January, and how following/reviewing helps other women find this support) and then diving into a powerful healing metaphor I learned from functional medicine: autophagy. I talk about why it can feel like you’re “going backwards” when things finally get safer—because your nervous system adapted to chaos—and how healing can look like sorting what you’ve carried: keeping what’s still useful, breaking down what’s damaged, and releasing what no longer needs to run your life. I also connect “mitophagy” to the question of energy, share a personal example around child support, and offer my pillars of healing—awareness, acceptance, and agency—plus two questions to help you reclaim your energy. _________ ✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING https://amiewoolsey.com/amie-woolsey Free Video Series "Am I In An Abusive Relationship" :You will receive an email containing videos that guide you through the 8 domains of a relationship and explore potentially destructive dynamics you may be experiencing.Each video includes a worksheet to help you reflect on your lived experience and gain greater clarity and understanding of your reality.Please note: the email subject line will not include the word "abuse." https://amiewoolsey.com/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship 📍 Dating From Within Workshop- January 14-16th 2027!! 👉 Click here to join interest list https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page 💬 Empowered Divorce Q&A – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month. 👣 Body Love Class – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal. 📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.🎯 Start by taking the quiz 📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced CourseWant real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.👉 Check it out here 📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.👉 Learn more + enroll 💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: Click here 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey Need support ?📩 [email protected] Musicbed -January 8, 2024The Music Bed, LLC ("MB") approves the use of "Today Will Be The Day - Instrumental" (Composition(s) and Master(s)) for intro"intro" (the "Production") pursuant to your request date January 8, 2024 as follows:SECTION IComposition/Master: Today Will Be The Day - InstrumentalArtist(s): Summer Kennedy
After divorce, your ex may be out of your life, but their lens can still come with you. You may find yourself questioning purchases, choices, how you look, what you wear, whether you’re “doing divorce right,” or what your ex might think—even when you don’t want them back and don’t actually need their approval. Betrayal, criticism, control, and years of adjusting around someone else can make their opinions feel so familiar that you don’t realize you’re still using them as a reference point. And sometimes it isn’t even your ex. It’s the church congregation, former in-laws, mutual friends, family, or the imagined audience wondering what they must think about the life you’re creating now. In this episode, I talk about how to recognize whose lens you’re looking through, take the mirror back, rebuild self-trust, and begin making choices from your own thoughts, values, body, and desires. Because you are the chooser in your life, and little by little, choice by choice, you get to build a life that reflects you. _________ ✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING https://amiewoolsey.com/amie-woolsey Free Video Series "Am I In An Abusive Relationship" :You will receive an email containing videos that guide you through the 8 domains of a relationship and explore potentially destructive dynamics you may be experiencing.Each video includes a worksheet to help you reflect on your lived experience and gain greater clarity and understanding of your reality.Please note: the email subject line will not include the word "abuse." https://amiewoolsey.com/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship 📍 Dating From Within Workshop- June 11th-13th 👉 Click here to join interest list https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page 💬 Empowered Divorce Q&A – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month. 👣 Body Love Class – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal. 📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.🎯 Start by taking the quiz 📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced CourseWant real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.👉 Check it out here 📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.👉 Learn more + enroll 💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: Click here 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey