EP 298: If You've Tried Everything (Including Therapy) & You're Still Struggling ~ You're Not Failing & You're Not Behind
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol | Eating Disorder Recovery Podcast — Less Food Noise. More Life.Show Notes
We just got back from a few days at the lake, and I came home with something on my heart I have to share with you — especially if you're the woman who has already tried. You've done the therapy. Maybe more than once. You've read the books, listened to the podcasts, worked the treatment programs. And you're still here, still struggling, carrying a specific kind of heavy: "If I've done all this… why am I not better yet? What's wrong with me?" Sis, nothing is wrong with you. And in today's quiet, reflective episode, I want to hand you the truth that surfaced for me in the stillness by the water — the one that sets that shame down for good. For years, I did not know how to pause. Before recovery, I was going, and going, and going — always chasing the next destination, the next thing to control. And if I'm honest, I dragged that same energy into recovery. Even healing became a race. Am I there yet? Am I better yet? What's the next box to check? Here's what the lake taught me: you cannot expect to know your right next step if you're unwilling to sit in the pause. The answer doesn't come in the sprint. It comes in the stillness.
The quote that undid me: "You must forgive yourself for not knowing earlier what only time could teach." If you're the woman who's tried everything — including therapy — you're carrying so much shame that it didn't "work" yet. I did the hard thing. I showed up. Why am I still struggling? But hear me: your attempts were not failures. Some things can only be understood after — after you grow, after you go through it, after time quietly teaches you what you simply couldn't have known before. Every round of trying wasn't wasted time. It was the living that was growing the truth in you. You weren't behind. You weren't failing. You were becoming. I'm a woman of faith, and I believe stillness is where God finally gets a word in edgewise. But the science backs it up, too. When you're in constant motion, your nervous system lives in fight-or-flight — and a body stuck in stress doesn't heal well or think clearly. The part of your brain that figures out your "next right step" actually dims under chronic stress. So of course the answer won't come while you're sprinting. Here's the study that convinced me: researchers ran a huge experiment — over 2,000 people across 37 sites, and these weren't monks, they were total beginners — compared against people doing another calm activity (listening to stories). They found that even a single mindfulness exercise, done one time, measurably lowered stress. Not after ten years. One pause. One time. As a beginner. You don't have to be good at this, sis. And it compounds: in a separate ten-week program, more than 8 in 10 people showed a real drop in stress by the end. (Fun note — globally, women are nearly twice as likely as men to reach for this kind of stillness. We already know we need it.) The going-going-going isn't just wearing you out. It's keeping the wisest part of you switched off. The pause turns her back on.
The proof, sitting at a lake: Here's the part that made me teary in my chair by the water. I looked at my life on this trip and realized I was living the exact thing I never believed was possible for me. I ate normally. With other people. I planned meals with my family every night and had what was served. I didn't panic, didn't calculate, didn't restrict the day before or promise to "make up for it" after. I sat at a lake, in my body, and felt not one second of unease. Not one flicker of regret about my weight. I was just there — present with my people, at peace in my skin. Ten years ago I'd have sworn that woman wasn't in me. But she was. The whole time. I just hadn't yet lived the years that would grow her. And if she was in me, sis — she is in you.
A few lines from the episode "You must forgive yourself for not knowing earlier what only time could teach." "Your attempts weren't wasted time. They were the living that grew the truth in you." "You weren't
More from Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol | Eating Disorder Recovery Podcast — Less Food Noise. More Life.
Sis, let’s talk about a place that can feel like a full-on battlefield — and nope, not a restaurant, which is also terrifying - today we are talking about the grocery store. The fluorescent lights, the endless labels, the hundred little decisions, that low hum of anxiety the second you grab a cart. If the store has ever made you want to cry, freeze, or turn around and walk right back out, you are not broken, and you are so not alone. Today I’m sharing my own story and a handful of tangible tools to make grocery shopping feel safer, easier, and a whole lot less scary. My story (because I lived this): There was a season where I’d walk into the store and just get stuck. I’d spend hours in there — not shopping, scanning. Up and down every aisle, picking things up and putting them back, flipping over every package, reading every label, doing the math in my head over and over, paralyzed by the next decision. I’d leave one of two ways: empty-handed and defeated, or clutching something I grabbed in a panic that would sit untouched in my pantry until I threw it away weeks later. That’s what the eating disorder does — it turns a basic human errand into hours of dread. If that’s you right now, stuck scanning labels or avoiding the store altogether, I see you. I was you. And it doesn’t have to stay this way. The reframe: The store isn’t the problem, and the labels aren’t the problem. The eating disorder has turned shopping into a test — of willpower, discipline, being “good.” But you’re not there to pass a test. You’re there to feed the woman you love — and that woman is you. 5 tangible tools to make the grocery store easier:
Sis, here’s the truth: most of us wake up and immediately go into reaction mode. You react to how your body feels. You react to the number on the scale. You react to what you see in the mirror, to the anxiety about what you’re going to eat today. You’re constantly reacting to life like it’s happening to you — and when you’re in recovery, living in reaction mode keeps you right where the eating disorder wants you, because it feeds off the panic, the fear, the overwhelm. Today I’m handing you a simple 5-minute ritual that interrupts that pattern and shifts you from reaction to intention. Grab your journal — this one’s a keeper. Why this works (it’s not just woo): When you shift from reacting to practicing intention and mindfulness, you’re literally changing your brain — moving out of the amygdala (the fear-based, reactive part the eating disorder hijacks) and into the prefrontal cortex, where you make conscious, value-based decisions. Research in positive psychology also shows gratitude practices meaningfully reduce anxiety and depression and build real well-being. This little ritual puts the power back in your hands. The ritual — three questions to ask yourself: 1. What am I grateful for? Not toxic positivity — evidence of goodness, even on hard days. And get specific to recovery: “I’m grateful my body digested food yesterday without me obsessing.” “I’m grateful I sat through dinner with friends and was present.” “I’m grateful for the energy I had because I nourished myself.” You’re training your brain to find proof that your recovery is working. On the really hard days, start tiny: I’m grateful I woke up. I’m grateful for this breath. I’m grateful I get to show up even when I don’t want to. 2. What am I focused on gaining? This is the game changer — shifting from avoidance motivation (I’m scared to gain weight, I don’t want to lose control) to approach motivation (moving toward something). Instead of “I’m trying not to restrict,” ask “What am I gaining by nourishing my body?” — freedom from food thoughts, energy for your kids, mental clarity, peace in your own skin. We’re not running away from fear. We’re running toward our best self. 3. What am I choosing to release? You can’t gain what you named in question two while gripping the old beliefs and behaviors. Releasing might sound like: “I’m releasing the belief that my worth is tied to the scale.” “I’m releasing the need to know every calorie.” “I’m releasing comparison to how I looked five years ago.” “I’m releasing the expectation that recovery should look perfect.” Naming what you release creates awareness — and awareness gives you the power to say, “No, I already put that down,” every time it tries to sneak back in. The heart of it: When you live with intention instead of reaction, recovery stops being something you’re just trying to survive and becomes something you’re actively creating. “You’re not white-knuckling your way through recovery anymore. You’re intentionally choosing what you want to gain. We are going toward our very best self.” Your work this week: Use the ritual — at the start of your week, in the morning, when you’re triggered, or when you feel yourself slipping into old patterns. Five minutes. Write down one thing for each: what you’re grateful for, what you’re gaining, what you’re releasing. Intention over reaction.
Sis, we’re heading into the season of triggers — and if you’re already spiraling about how you’ll handle all the food, all the people, and all the comments about bodies and what’s on your plate, this episode is your armor. You know the moment: you sit down at the table, and your aunt says “you look so healthy, are you eating more?” or “wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” — and just like that, your chest tightens, your throat closes, and before you even realize it, you’re making plans to restrict tomorrow or add an extra workout this week. I’ve been there (Thanksgiving was the trigger for me). So today I’m handing you the real-time game plan I walk through with my clients — including one, “Allison,” who texted me mid-panic from a family gathering this week. The 6-step plan for when you’re triggered:
If recovery from an eating disorder feels so hard right now that you're white-knuckling your way through it — "why do I have to do this? why me?" — sis, I've been exactly where you are. But there's a blind spot keeping you stuck in that fight, and one shift in how you see it can make the whole thing feel lighter. Not because the work changes. Because you do. In this episode:
Sis, let's start with something true, and a little bit hard. When we first start down the long road of an eating disorder, we could never have imagined what we'd give up to become the smallest version of ourselves. It doesn't happen all at once — it's a slow sacrifice, one tiny concession at a time, until one day you look up and wonder, how did I ever let it get this far? And then, when you finally get out of denial, you ask the two questions: Will this ever change? And how do I change it? Today I'm answering that — with five things recovery taught me. And they're probably not the five you'd expect. Because recovery was never flashy. It wasn't the compliments or the "what do you do to be so skinny?" It was quiet. It was ordinary. It was doing the right thing when no one was watching and no one was clapping. The 5 things recovery taught me: