The Invisible Limits Holding You Back (And How to Change Them)

It's always been intimidating to enter a room where you don't know everyone, or anyone, and to initiate conversation with people at a wedding, holiday party, or work event. But it's never felt more potentially awkward and anxiety-generating than in an age dominated by screen-mediated interactions, when we don't get much practice in mixing at social events and making small talk in real life. Here to help us get a lot more confident and comfortable in this area is Jeanne Martinet, author of The Art of Mingling, which is out in a newly updated edition. Jeanne last joined me on the podcast nearly a decade ago, and today she's back to share why the ability to mingle is more important than ever and how to get better at it. We discuss why small talk is more valuable than you might think, and can not only lead to finding a potential romantic partner or lifelong friend, but is something worth doing for its own sake. Jeanne then shares practical tips you can put to use at your next social gathering or simply when you're out and about. She explains how to identify people who are open to conversation, four ways to break the ice with them, as well as an opening line to avoid, how to keep a conversation going, how to gracefully extract yourself from an interaction that's gone on too long, how to recover from putting your foot in your mouth, and more. We end our conversation with how to find more opportunities to socialize and practice your mingling skills. After the show is over, check out the show notes aom.is/artofmingling

If you’ve been following the Art of Manliness for a while, you know that I typically interview the authors of books on this podcast. But, if you’ve been following the Art of Manliness for a while, you’ll know why I had to make an exception for today’s guest. Brandon Flowers is my very favorite musical artist. He is the frontman for the multi-platinum-record-earning band The Killers and has also put out three solo albums. I recently had the chance to talk to Brandon backstage before one of his shows in Las Vegas. My wife Kate, as well as a couple of friends, were also on hand, and you’ll hear me allude to them a couple times during the interview. Brandon and I had a great conversation. We discuss his third and latest solo album, Thrasher and why he went country-western on it, what his dad taught him about what makes a good man, what he’s currently reading (hint: it involves the author of my all-time favorite novel), his top five favorite country songs, the influence of faith in his life and music, what’s on his mind in midlife, and how he balances work and family. Resources Related to the Podcast

We live in a world of pervasive noise. Even when we're alone and our surroundings are quiet, our devices bombard us with an endless stream of inputs — messages, news, opinions, entertainment — and we feel constantly connected. My guest argues that this lack of both silence and solitude isn't just generating stress and fragmenting our attention, but doing real damage to our souls. His name is John Mark Comer, and he’s a pastor and the author of Into the Quiet. Today on the show, we discuss what noise is doing to the deepest parts of us and how engaging in silence and solitude can help us cultivate inner stillness. We explore the monastic tradition behind these spiritual disciplines, why engaging in them can sometimes feel like a negative experience, and what happens when all our usual distractions disappear. We also get into simple ways to bring more quiet into everyday life. After the show’s over, check out the show notes at aom.is/silence.

Modern life is filled with conveniences designed to make things easier. We can order dinner without leaving the couch, check ourselves out at the grocery store, communicate instantly with anyone, and stream nearly every movie and song ever made. So why do we often feel busier, more stressed, and more, well, inconvenienced than ever? My guest today argues that many supposed advancements don’t actually save us time, money, or energy — and that even when they do, they can eliminate forms of friction that made life richer, more enjoyable, and more human. His name is Gabe Bullard, and he’s the author of Against Convenience. Today on the show, Gabe and I discuss how self-checkout, mobile ordering, digital communication, streaming services, food delivery, and even smartphone cameras can paradoxically make life more annoying and less satisfying. Gabe also shares questions to ask yourself to decide which conveniences are worth keeping, and why deliberately adding a little friction back into your life can sometimes make it better. 0:00 Introduction 1:45 Why Convenience Isn't Working 4:22 Self-Checkout & Starbucks App Failures 11:29 The Illusion of Technological Progress 17:28 Phones as a Single Point of Failure 18:20 How Digital Communication Hurts Relationships 23:49 Dating Apps & Making Friends 27:15 Smartphone Cameras & the Value of Photos 32:41 Streaming & Entertainment Disappointment 40:10 Food Delivery Problems 46:30 Wendell Berry's Questions for New Tech 50:12 Practical Tips for Embracing Friction

We all have things we’ve always wanted to know how to do, but have never gotten around to learning. Speak a foreign language. Play an instrument. Write a book. Take up surfing. Maybe you’ve even started one of these pursuits a few times, only to drop it after a couple of weeks. My guest calls this collection of abandoned or deferred desires your “invisible list” and is the author of a book of the same name. Today on the show, Ravi Gupta presents a plan for tackling the things on your invisible list by picking one hobby-like activity each year and working your way to an intermediate level in it. He explains the different categories these pursuits can fall into, from the liftoff project to the mental marathon to the skillbatical, and how to pick the right one for your season of life. We also discuss how camps for grownups can make skill acquisition more enjoyable, why you should consider taking up an adult-appropriate sport like tennis, why Ravi decided to take the MCAT even though he doesn't plan to become a doctor, and how working on your invisible list can give your life chapters and, over the course of a decade, turn you into a Renaissance-man badass. After the show is over, check out the show notes at aom.is/invisiblelist 0:00 — Introduction 1:45 — What is the Invisible List? 4:38 — Examples & Bucket List Comparison 8:46 — Why a Year Creates Life Chapters 11:10 — Making Time: Family & Constraints 15:44 — Five Rules of the Invisible List 18:39 — Why Aim for Intermediate? 21:19 — The Five Archetypes 26:50 — Liftoff Year: Powerlifting & Journaling 37:30 — Skill-Batical: Surfing & Adult Camps 43:17 — Age-Appropriate Sports: Tennis 45:46 — Mental Marathon: Taking the MCAT