Show Notes
Content warning: This conversation includes discussions of purity culture, suicide, mental health struggles, and related topics. I spent a weekend with a group of people—former insiders who grew up in intense Catholic environments. We all ended up in different places today. Some are in the Church, some are out. We spent a weekend having conversations about our lives and what all of this means.The Catechism says chastity is the successful integration of sexuality within the person. One person shared about doing Theology of the Body for Teens at age 12—it emphasized dignity but for her meant shutting down her sexuality entirely because she wanted to be a nun. Others thought they were really good at chastity until they realized they weren't having the struggles their peers had because they were gay, not because they were virtuous. One person said: "I thought it was easy to not have sex with your boyfriend. Turns out I was just lesbian." For transgender Catholics, theology of the body presented prescriptive gender roles that didn't match their experience. The messaging was: "You're supposed to trust your intuition, but not you because you're messed up."Conservative Catholic culture paints two binaries: perfectly ordered integrated sexuality with happy families, or chaos. But Catholics are just as sexually dysfunctional as anyone else. Sex controls your life less when you leave than while white-knuckling your way to heaven. The American Catholic Church has staked so much of what it means to be Catholic on specific culture war issues. But it won't plant the flag on businesses that don't pay employees a living wage. A deconstructed sexuality is much more diverse, much more in line with finding truth, goodness and beauty. There is complexity. Sit with those emotions instead of just grabbing for a definition.00:00 Introduction and Background02:39 Discussing LGBTQ Spaces and Politics02:58 Personal Journeys with Catholicism07:11 Chastity and Integration11:18 Impact of Chastity Teachings17:46 Purity Culture and Queer Erasure19:12 Transgender Experiences in Catholicism20:09 Theology of the Body and Gender Dysphoria30:23 Historical and Modern Queer Catholic Narratives36:55 Concluding Thoughts and Reflections
More from Mezzo by Chris Damian
This is the eighth episode on FOCUS, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. FOCUS a ministry with more than 1000 young people based largely on college campuses around the United States and which last year had a revenue of $126 million. In this episode, you’ll hear the rest of our panel discussions with Kelly, Mat, Carole, Christine, Mary, and Anton. They share how they’ve built their lives after FOCUS, where they feel both gratitude and regret from their time in the ministry, and what they would say to their younger selves. 00:00 — Introduction: the final chapter of the FOCUS series 02:13 — Healing after leaving high-control religious spaces 03:21 — Mary on identity, deconstruction, and finding joy 06:13 — Christine on reclaiming her voice and trusting herself 10:21 — Zebra pants, belonging, and taking back joy 12:32 — Anton on faith, freedom, and an expanding world 14:14 — Revisiting the past: rumination, regret, and solidarity 17:30 — Anton on therapy, trauma, and inherent worth 20:10 — Gratitude for speaking out and sharing stories 21:25 — Carol on anger, finding her voice, and public honesty 25:03 — Accountability, repair, and compassion for people who caused harm 29:02 — Chris reflects on the series and the work still ahead 32:09 — What the panelists would tell their younger selves 38:52 — Closing reflections and thanks
This is the seventh episode on FOCUS Catholic, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. FOCUS a ministry with more than 1000 young people based largely on college campuses around the United States and which last year had a revenue of $126 million. In this episode, Christine reflects on her years as a FOCUS missionary, in religious life with the Franciscan Sisters of the Renewal, and working for a Catholic parish run by a FOCUS priest. She learned from Curtis Martin a simple formula: love God, discover a vocation, and live it out. And she pursued this promise, even amidst financial strain, vocational pressures, breaches of trust, burnout, and more. Ultimately, this is a story of survival, of finding sunshine, and of help and hope in the darkest moments. 1:20 — Christine’s story and the purpose of life 3:14 — Early experiences with faith and fundraising 5:10 — Burnout, mental health, and hospitalization 7:07 — Finding herself beyond faith expectations 8:34 — Helpers, gratitude, and protecting herself from false promises
This is the sixth episode on FOCUS Catholic, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. FOCUS a ministry with more than 1000 young people based largely on college campuses around the United States and which last year had a revenue of $126 million. In this episode, we'll continue to explore the disparities between the external image of FOCUS and what too many suffered from the inside. I'll share allegations of abuse behavior on the part of FOCUS Founder Curtis Martin, how Martin kept a man in ministry even after a Court detailed sworn testimony of abuse, and how today FOCUS even has that missionary living in a $2 million luxury home owned by the ministry. We'll unpack: - The allegations against Curtis Martin that were reportedly raised to Focus and its board - What court records say about the missionary’s conduct in his marriage - How staff say Focus handled the victim and the public narrative - Why a $2 million home tied to Focus raises fresh financial questions how messaging around femininity, masculinity, and submission can become a recipe for abuse And we'll connect this case to broader church failures, showing how silence, reputation management, and unchecked authority can harm the very people ministries claim to serve. This is not just about one organization’s scandal - it’s about what happens when leaders are protected, victims are minimized, and accountability is treated as optional. 00:00 — Introduction: Allegations surrounding Focus 03:46 — The letter accusing Curtis Martin of threatening behavior 08:23 — Court findings in the missionary’s marriage case 10:41 — How Focus allegedly responded to the abuse allegations 14:02 — Gender culture, control, and patterns of abuse 18:42 — Wider allegations and the case for an independent investigation 22:45 — Questions about luxury properties and financial transparency 28:12 — A call for accountability from Focus leadership 30:34 — A message to current and former Focus members 33:24 — Advocacy, healing, and resources
This is the fifth episode on FOCUS Catholic, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students. FOCUS a ministry with more than 1000 young people based largely on college campuses around the United States and which last year had a revenue of $126 million. In this episode, we explore how FOCUS didn’t just recruit students - it shaped identities, relationships, and entire careers. Kelly, Mat, Carol, Anton, Christine, and Mary return to tell us what it’s actually like to be “won, built, and sent” by one of the American Church’s most influential ministries, and why they’re still processing what they experienced years after leaving the ministry.What left missionaries facing panic attacks and hiding in bathrooms during Mass? Why do many former missionaries struggle with substance abuse today? How do those once engaged with the ministry process the harms they helped perpetuate within it? And how did the mental anguish from messages within FOCUS get so bad that it led one former leader to get checked into a psychiatric hospital? We’ll explore all this and much more. 0:00 — When Care Becomes Control2:09 — Burnout, Boundaries, and Work Culture8:53 — Control, Privilege, and Gendered Harm19:27 — Hiding Pain and Losing Trust21:58 — Family Leave, COVID, and Physical Safety27:10 — Shame, Substance Use, and Delayed Growth32:24 — Trauma, Testimony, and Spiritual Authority37:14 — Leaving FOCUS and Reclaiming Identity39:36 — A Crisis and Choosing Survival43:31 — Why These Stories Matter46:27 — Accountability, Apology, and Healing48:56 — Finding Support Without an Apology
This is the fourth episode on FOCUS Catholic, a ministry with more than 1000 young people based largely on college campuses around the United States and which last year had a revenue of $126 million. In this episode, we explore how the inside story of FOCUS is far messier than its public image. Six former insiders—Carol Marceau, Kelly Wuebben, Mat Wuebben, Christine Grote, Anton Kallungal, and Mary Forbes—reveal how a ministry that claimed belonging, mission, and spiritual zeal would normalize shame, control, and silence for those harmed. Beneath the Bible studies and the conference highs is a machine that relied on love bombing, emotional unchastity, gender discrimination, transactional relationships, and the pressure to appear joyful while your mental health unravels. We'll also unpack some more issues related to finances and hiring. This includes the bar being so low for male hires that one woman had to push against a group of other recruiters who wanted to hire a male candidate who was "on fire" for his faith... even after the recruit admitted to lying during the application process.The panelists occupied a range of roles within the organization, from student leader to missionary to team director to events coordinator to accounting manager, and together they help us unpack the harms behind FOCUS and the hope for the future. 00:00 — Introduction: A Closer Look at FOCUS02:07 — Fundraising, Isolation, and Spiritual Pressure07:05 — The Emotional Cost of Fundraising11:36 — A Breaking Point at Headquarters19:19 — Unqualified Leadership and Pay Inequity25:11 — Financial Controls, Expenses, and Accountability31:39 — Race, Representation, and Recruitment38:54 — Double Standards and the Suppression of Strong Women40:37 — A Choice Not to Continue with FOCUS42:54 — Closing