E63: Coping with the Holidays after Separation - BEST OF

When emotions are running high after separation, it's easy to make decisions that feel right in the moment, but can make parenting disputes much harder to resolve. Usually, it's not because the parents don't care about their children, it's because they're navigating one of the most stressful times of their lives. In this episode, Heather McKinnon and I look at some of the most common mistakes parents make during parenting disputes, why those mistakes happen, and what can be done differently to keep the focus where it belongs on the children.

For many people going through separation, the idea of mediation or family dispute resolution can feel daunting. What actually happens in the room? Will you have to face your former partner? What if they dominate the conversation, refuse to compromise, or you become overwhelmed? In this episode, Ben and Heather are joined by Alison Osmand from Osmand Family Mediation to explain what mediation is, how it works and what separating couples can expect from the process. Alison brings more than 30 years of experience in family law, including time as a Judicial Registrar and Senior Judicial Registrar in the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia. Together, they take some of the mystery out of mediation and family dispute resolution, and discuss how preparation, structure and the right support can help people work towards practical outcomes. Topics covered include: What mediation and family dispute resolution actually involve. When mediation may be required during a family law matter. What happens before and during a mediation session. How mediators manage difficult dynamics, including conflict, strong emotions and one person dominating the conversation. Why preparation, legal advice and a clear understanding of your goals can make a significant difference. What happens if mediation does not result in an agreement, and the options available from there.

One of the most common, and emotionally loaded, questions people ask during separation is, "Can the children decide?" Can they choose where to live, and who to spend time with, and how much weight should be given to their wishes. In this episode, Ben and Heather are joined by clinical psychologist Kate Gray to discuss children's wishes in separation. Kate is Director of Family Focus Psychology in Melbourne and works closely with children and families navigating separation. Kate helps us to understand the psychological side of children's wishes, including how influence, pressure and loyalty conflicts can quietly shape what children say they want. Topics covered include: The influences at play for children during separation. How a child's age and stage of development affect their ability to form and express genuine wishes. Situations where children are influenced without any parent meaning to pressure them Legally, how children's wishes are treated in family law. How the law balances listening to a child's views and protecting them for emotional burden. What helps children feel safe to express their thoughts without feeling they're choosing sides.

This month, we replay one of our most popular episodes (second most listened in fact) which deals with the ins and outs of de facto relationships. Ben and Heather explore a range of topics relevant to anyone in a de facto relationship, or heading into one. What is a de facto relationship? How long do you have to live together to be in a de facto relationship? How does the law decide when the de facto relationship starts and ends? What does the Court consider when deciding if a de facto relationship exists? Is it possible to be in a de facto relationship and not be living together? Is it possible to be in a de facto relationship while married to someone else? Do you need to register a de facto relationship? Is a de facto relationship any different to a marriage under the law? Does the law treat a same sex de facto relationship any differently than a heterosexual de facto? Does the law treat property disputes any differently for a de facto relationship versus a marriage? Does the law treat children's matters any differently for a de facto relationship versus a marriage? Can I apply for spousal maintenance after a de facto relationship? Should I get a pre-nup or financial agreement before entering a de facto relationship?

When people think about separation, they often imagine conflict — lawyers on opposite sides, fighting it out on behalf of their clients. But in family law, that adversarial mindset doesn’t always lead to the best outcomes. In this episode, Ben and Heather chat to Marius Eden from Ramsden Family Law about how strong professional relationships with "opposing" counsel can make a real difference to how clients experience separation, both legally and emotionally. Topics discussed include: What does collaboration between opposing solicitors look like...and what does it not involve? The importance of professional respect in achieving good outcomes for both sides. How solicitors can handle genuine disagreement without becoming adversarial. How the way lawyers communicate influences whether a matter becomes combative. Are there situations where collaboration is not appropriate, and how to recognise and manage these?