EP 305: The Eating Disorder Makes Up Stories ~ Here's How to Stop Believing the Lies (Four Agreements Series ~ Part 3)
Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol | Eating Disorder Recovery Podcast — Less Food Noise. More Life.Show Notes
We're on Part 3 of our Four Agreements series, sis — and this one might be the sneakiest of them all. So far we've learned to be impeccable with our word, and to stop taking things personally. Today's agreement ties them together: don't make assumptions. Because here's the truth — the eating disorder is a master storyteller. It makes up stories all day long, then hands them to you as if they're facts. Today, we learn to stop believing the lies. (New here? Go back and start with Parts 1 and 2 — they build.)
We assume about everything The problem isn't that we make assumptions. It's that we swear they're real. As the book puts it, "we make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do." She didn't text back — she's mad. He looked at my plate — he thinks I'm eating too much. They went quiet — they were talking about my body. We don't check. We don't ask. We decide it's true and live like it's true. And from that one habit, so much suffering is born — we blame, we react, we misunderstand, we create drama out of thin air. Almost all of our sadness is rooted in making assumptions.
The eating disorder is a master storyteller The disorder doesn't deal in facts — it deals in stories. It fills every silence, every glance, every unanswered question with the same story: they noticed. they judged. you're not enough. You have no evidence for any of it. But because the story feels so real, you believe it, react to it, restrict because of it, isolate because of it. We only see what we want to see — and when your lens is a disorder, you'll find "proof" for its lies everywhere. Making assumptions leads to chaos, and the disorder loves chaos, because it keeps you too spun-out to question it.
The assumptions that become rules Here's where it gets really sneaky in recovery — assumptions don't just create stories, they create rules. We assume wellness culture knows best — that the influencer, the diet, the "clean eating" plan knows what your body needs better than your body does. So we take on their rules as gospel: can't eat past this hour, have to earn it, have to burn it, never skip the workout. And we never stop to ask: Is this actually nourishing my body? Is this genuinely healthy for me? Or is it just diet culture wrapped in a pretty bow of fake news? Because we don't ask, we obey — and every unquestioned rule makes the disorder stronger. The assumption becomes the cage.
My biggest assumption I lived this one, sis. My biggest assumption in my whole journey was: if I eat more, I'll never stop gaining weight. I was convinced that if I nourished myself, my body would balloon endlessly and everyone would look at me and go, "Oh my gosh, look at her." That assumption left me chained. Trapped. Terrified for a very long time — too scared to move forward, but exhausted from the cycle of restriction and over-exercising. I was suffering over something that had never happened and that I had zero evidence for. I just assumed it was true, and let it run my life.
The question that cracked it open: "But do you like it now?" Here's the question I want to ask you, gently. You're assuming that if you gain weight, you won't like your body. But sis… do you like it now? The disorder promises that staying exactly like this — restricting, controlling, shrinking — is protecting some peace with your body. But are you at peace right now? Or are you already at war with your body while telling yourself you're staying this way to avoid being at war with it? You don't need to gain a pound to be miserable in your body — the disorder has you doing that today. The peace you're protecting doesn't exist. So you're not actually choosing between peace and weight gain. You're choosing between this war and the chance at real freedom.
The antidote: ask The antidote to making assumptions is to ask.
With people: "Hey, are we okay?" instead of assuming. With the rules: "Is this actually nourishing me, or a rule I never questioned?" With yourself: "Do I have re
More from Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol | Eating Disorder Recovery Podcast — Less Food Noise. More Life.
Sis, let’s talk about a place that can feel like a full-on battlefield — and nope, not a restaurant, which is also terrifying - today we are talking about the grocery store. The fluorescent lights, the endless labels, the hundred little decisions, that low hum of anxiety the second you grab a cart. If the store has ever made you want to cry, freeze, or turn around and walk right back out, you are not broken, and you are so not alone. Today I’m sharing my own story and a handful of tangible tools to make grocery shopping feel safer, easier, and a whole lot less scary. My story (because I lived this): There was a season where I’d walk into the store and just get stuck. I’d spend hours in there — not shopping, scanning. Up and down every aisle, picking things up and putting them back, flipping over every package, reading every label, doing the math in my head over and over, paralyzed by the next decision. I’d leave one of two ways: empty-handed and defeated, or clutching something I grabbed in a panic that would sit untouched in my pantry until I threw it away weeks later. That’s what the eating disorder does — it turns a basic human errand into hours of dread. If that’s you right now, stuck scanning labels or avoiding the store altogether, I see you. I was you. And it doesn’t have to stay this way. The reframe: The store isn’t the problem, and the labels aren’t the problem. The eating disorder has turned shopping into a test — of willpower, discipline, being “good.” But you’re not there to pass a test. You’re there to feed the woman you love — and that woman is you. 5 tangible tools to make the grocery store easier:
Sis, here’s the truth: most of us wake up and immediately go into reaction mode. You react to how your body feels. You react to the number on the scale. You react to what you see in the mirror, to the anxiety about what you’re going to eat today. You’re constantly reacting to life like it’s happening to you — and when you’re in recovery, living in reaction mode keeps you right where the eating disorder wants you, because it feeds off the panic, the fear, the overwhelm. Today I’m handing you a simple 5-minute ritual that interrupts that pattern and shifts you from reaction to intention. Grab your journal — this one’s a keeper. Why this works (it’s not just woo): When you shift from reacting to practicing intention and mindfulness, you’re literally changing your brain — moving out of the amygdala (the fear-based, reactive part the eating disorder hijacks) and into the prefrontal cortex, where you make conscious, value-based decisions. Research in positive psychology also shows gratitude practices meaningfully reduce anxiety and depression and build real well-being. This little ritual puts the power back in your hands. The ritual — three questions to ask yourself: 1. What am I grateful for? Not toxic positivity — evidence of goodness, even on hard days. And get specific to recovery: “I’m grateful my body digested food yesterday without me obsessing.” “I’m grateful I sat through dinner with friends and was present.” “I’m grateful for the energy I had because I nourished myself.” You’re training your brain to find proof that your recovery is working. On the really hard days, start tiny: I’m grateful I woke up. I’m grateful for this breath. I’m grateful I get to show up even when I don’t want to. 2. What am I focused on gaining? This is the game changer — shifting from avoidance motivation (I’m scared to gain weight, I don’t want to lose control) to approach motivation (moving toward something). Instead of “I’m trying not to restrict,” ask “What am I gaining by nourishing my body?” — freedom from food thoughts, energy for your kids, mental clarity, peace in your own skin. We’re not running away from fear. We’re running toward our best self. 3. What am I choosing to release? You can’t gain what you named in question two while gripping the old beliefs and behaviors. Releasing might sound like: “I’m releasing the belief that my worth is tied to the scale.” “I’m releasing the need to know every calorie.” “I’m releasing comparison to how I looked five years ago.” “I’m releasing the expectation that recovery should look perfect.” Naming what you release creates awareness — and awareness gives you the power to say, “No, I already put that down,” every time it tries to sneak back in. The heart of it: When you live with intention instead of reaction, recovery stops being something you’re just trying to survive and becomes something you’re actively creating. “You’re not white-knuckling your way through recovery anymore. You’re intentionally choosing what you want to gain. We are going toward our very best self.” Your work this week: Use the ritual — at the start of your week, in the morning, when you’re triggered, or when you feel yourself slipping into old patterns. Five minutes. Write down one thing for each: what you’re grateful for, what you’re gaining, what you’re releasing. Intention over reaction.
Sis, we’re heading into the season of triggers — and if you’re already spiraling about how you’ll handle all the food, all the people, and all the comments about bodies and what’s on your plate, this episode is your armor. You know the moment: you sit down at the table, and your aunt says “you look so healthy, are you eating more?” or “wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” — and just like that, your chest tightens, your throat closes, and before you even realize it, you’re making plans to restrict tomorrow or add an extra workout this week. I’ve been there (Thanksgiving was the trigger for me). So today I’m handing you the real-time game plan I walk through with my clients — including one, “Allison,” who texted me mid-panic from a family gathering this week. The 6-step plan for when you’re triggered:
If recovery from an eating disorder feels so hard right now that you're white-knuckling your way through it — "why do I have to do this? why me?" — sis, I've been exactly where you are. But there's a blind spot keeping you stuck in that fight, and one shift in how you see it can make the whole thing feel lighter. Not because the work changes. Because you do. In this episode:
Sis, let's start with something true, and a little bit hard. When we first start down the long road of an eating disorder, we could never have imagined what we'd give up to become the smallest version of ourselves. It doesn't happen all at once — it's a slow sacrifice, one tiny concession at a time, until one day you look up and wonder, how did I ever let it get this far? And then, when you finally get out of denial, you ask the two questions: Will this ever change? And how do I change it? Today I'm answering that — with five things recovery taught me. And they're probably not the five you'd expect. Because recovery was never flashy. It wasn't the compliments or the "what do you do to be so skinny?" It was quiet. It was ordinary. It was doing the right thing when no one was watching and no one was clapping. The 5 things recovery taught me: