The Extinction Burst: What’s Really Happening When Donors or Teams Test You
The Influential NonprofitShow Notes
When you finally set a boundary, and everything seems to explode, it doesn’t mean you did it wrong; it may mean it’s finally working. In this episode, you’ll learn how to recognize and ride out the “extinction burst” so your new agreements, standards, and leadership can actually stick.
Key Takeaways:
Boundaries define what you will no longer tolerate, while agreements define what you are actively choosing and saying yes to; both are essential for healthy leadership. When you change a pattern that has benefited others, the first response is usually not compliance, but escalation; more intensity, more emotion, and more testing. The “extinction burst” is not proof that your new boundary is failing; it is often the clearest sign that the old pattern is losing power. If you give in during the extinction burst, you don’t solve the problem; you teach people exactly how hard they need to push next time to get what they want. Real change requires expecting pushback, calmly reinforcing your agreements, and being willing to release relationships or dynamics that no longer serve your mission.
“If you give in during the extinction burst, you don't stop the behavior. You actually train it to keep continuing.”
“Whenever you raise standards, you invite testing.”
“We can't change behavior unless we change the boundaries and agreements that support the behavior.”
- Maryanne Dersch
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