Why Do I Need So Much Time to Recover From People? ADHD, Social Exhaustion and the Need to Decompress

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You leave the party first. You pay extra for the room on your own. You say yes, then spend the whole evening counting down until you can go home. And somewhere along the way, you decided that made you the difficult one.

On this week’s episode of The ADHD Women’s Wellbeing Podcast, I’m joined by Alice Bramhill, registered mental health nurse, interpersonal psychotherapist and accredited therapeutic coach specialising in neurodivergent adults. Her first book, I Need My Space (But I Like You Too!): A Neurodivergent Guide to All Types of Relationships, is out now.

Alice has nearly 30 years of clinical experience. She was diagnosed with ADHD at 47 and autism at 50, and is a parent carer to two neurodivergent children.

Masking until there’s nothing left. Being the fixer, the capable one, the people pleaser. Families who keep casting you in your old role. A nervous system that panics every time you say no.

You’re allowed to need your space.

This is a fantastic conversation that I know will resonate so strongly with so many of you.

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In this episode, we cover:

Why relationships sit at the heart of our mental health, and what interpersonal psychotherapy can offer neurodivergent adults

How masking leads to an erosion of self and a lack of authenticity in our relationships

What an emotionally sustainable life looks like, and why so many social expectations simply aren't sustainable for us

Why it's okay to leave the party after an hour, and how to communicate your social battery without shame

Rejection sensitivity and why it isn't our job to manage other people's emotions

Shrinking versus discernment, and how to navigate the fear of loneliness when you start pulling back

Setting boundaries with family when you've always been cast as the fixer, the capable one or the people pleaser

What emotional labour really means, and where information sharing ends and over-explaining begins

Why your nervous system may push back when you start saying no, and how to practise it gently

Noticing the shoulds, starting with a maybe and why it's okay to disappoint people

Timestamps:

00:00 - Welcome and introducing Alice Bramhill

01:30 - Why Alice wrote I Need My Space

02:30 - Interpersonal psychotherapy and why relationships shape our mental health

05:30 - Masking, authenticity and the erosion of self

07:30 - Building an emotionally sustainable life

09:30 - Redefining the terms of engagement and leaving when you're done

11:30 - Rejection sensitivity and other people's emotions

14:00 - Needing space in friendships and on holidays

16:30 - Shrinking, discernment and the fear of loneliness

20:30 - Shedding, permission and life after diagnosis

21:30 - Perimenopause and caring less about what others think

25:00 - Who Alice wrote the book for

26:30 - Boundaries with family and stepping out of old roles

30:30 - What emotional labour really means

34:00 - The fixers, the capable ones and the people pleasers

36:30 - When your nervous system pushes back

39:00 - Cycle breakers and generational change

41:00 - Noticing automatic yeses and starting with a maybe

42:30 - Catching the shoulds and getting curious

44:00 - Asking why and giving yourself permission to disappoint people

46:00 - Where to find Alice's book, Substack and o