From Sexless to Sensual Part 1 - Is It Normal to Stop Having Sex?

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"Is it normal to not have sex in a long-term relationship?"

"Why don't I feel like having sex anymore?"

"How do I get my sex drive back after menopause?"

On this episode of Sex, Love & Elephants, Dr. Cheryl Fraser shares part one of a special two-part series — an intimate, advanced teaching originally given to her Become Passion group on the topic of low desire and sexless relationships. Cheryl unpacks the surprising truth that 30 to 40% of long-term couples aren't making love at all, and makes a heartfelt case for why sensuality still matters, even when it makes up a small percentage of a relationship. She introduces researcher Rosemary Basson's concept of responsive versus spontaneous desire, shares candidly about how menopause changed her own sex drive, and challenges the "goal-directed" model of sex in favor of Dr. Barry McCarthy's "good enough sex." Stay tuned for part two, coming in two weeks.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

(00:00) Why 30–40% of long-term couples aren't having sex at all, and Cheryl's intro to this two-part advanced teaching on desire

(03:07) Why sexuality still matters in a chosen monogamous relationship — how making love bonds couples emotionally and spiritually, even as orgasm intensity changes with age

(09:31) Responsive vs. spontaneous desire: Rosemary Basson's concept of sexual neutrality, and Cheryl's own story of how menopause changed her libido and orgasms

(17:43) The "blue violet dye" analogy — why a small percentage of time being sensual can flavor an entire relationship, and redefining sex beyond intercourse for changing bodies

(24:01) Dr. Barry McCarthy's "Good Enough Sex" model: letting go of goal-directed sex, plus a teenage make-out memory that shows desire doesn't require intercourse

(29:20) Today's Love Bite: libido is life force & what's coming in part two

Want to learn more about Buddhism and relationships? Cheryl’s book Buddha’s Bedroom is a great resource!

Are you and your sweetheart finally ready to join my Become Passion program? The doors open October 2026 ! click HERE to join the wait list!

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