Side Quests, Shame Spirals, and the Lost Art of Coming Back
Overstimulated and Over It: A Podcast for Women in Perimenopause with ADHDShow Notes
You sat down to answer one email. Somehow you are now forty-seven minutes deep into researching patio furniture you do not need, your tea is cold, and the original task has completely left the building. Sound familiar? This episode is for you. Blair tackles the gap between what we mean to do and what actually happens, and more importantly, what to do when shame shows up to make it worse. Because the side quest is not actually the problem. The shame spiral that follows is. She starts with the science, breaking down why distraction and follow-through get harder during perimenopause as estrogen fluctuations impact dopamine, making tasks harder to start, boring things more painful, and novel things almost irresistible. Your brain is not being dramatic, Blair explains. It is trying to regulate. And once you understand what your brain was actually looking for during the side quest, you can redirect instead of spiral. The centerpiece of this episode is a skill Blair calls the comeback. Not perfect focus. Not staying on task forever. Just the ability to notice you have wandered off, say "side quest noted," and gently return. She walks through practical tools including the five-minute return, breaking restart steps down to embarrassingly small actions, and how to decode the emotional avoidance that sometimes disguises itself as productivity. Blair also spends time with the grief that can come with late ADHD diagnosis, the complicated mix of relief and sadness that arrives when you finally have an explanation and start looking back at everything it cost you. She holds that grief with real tenderness, and then moves into an expansive and honest conversation about rest, relationships, and what midlife clarity can do to your tolerance for performing, masking, and contorting yourself into someone else's comfort zone. This one is warm, funny, and genuinely validating. The message is simple and it lands hard: coming back counts. For more information about working with Blair: www.blairpfeiffercoaching.com Join the ADHD and Perimenopause Support community.
More from Overstimulated and Over It: A Podcast for Women in Perimenopause with ADHD
Where the hell did my libido go? One day she was here. The next? Ghosted. No text. No explanation. No forwarding address. In this spooky-season episode of Overstimulated and Over It, Blair puts on both her sex therapist and fellow perimenopausal ADHD human hats to talk about one of the most complicated changes many women experience in midlife: desire suddenly feeling very, very different. Because libido isn’t just about hormones, and wanting sex isn’t always as simple as feeling spontaneously turned on. ADHD, perimenopause, stress, sensory overload, medications, body changes, relationship dynamics, sleep, pressure, and the mental load can all affect how we experience desire and intimacy. Blair explores the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, why an ADHD brain may need time to transition from “household administrator” to “sexual human,” and how sensory overload can follow you straight into the bedroom. She also talks about physical changes that can affect arousal, comfort, lubrication, orgasm, and pleasure during perimenopause, plus what can happen in relationships when touch starts to feel like a contract for sex. And then there’s the bigger question: What if the goal isn’t getting your old libido back? Maybe it’s getting curious about the sexual person you are now. What feels good now? What kind of connection do you want? What does your body need? What happens when you take pressure and obligation out of the equation and make room for curiosity, communication, pleasure, and play again? If you’ve ever thought, “I love you, but please don’t touch me right now,” wondered why sex rarely crosses your mind anymore, or worried that changes in desire mean something is wrong with you or your relationship, this conversation is for you. Your libido may not be dead. Maybe she’s just haunting a different house now.
Ever rehearse a difficult conversation perfectly in your head, only to have every useful word disappear the second the other person is actually standing in front of you? In this spooky-season episode, Blair explores the very real communication struggles that can show up when ADHD, emotional activation, rejection sensitivity, working memory challenges, and perimenopause all collide. From blanking out in doctor’s appointments to overexplaining texts, saying yes when you desperately mean no, losing the original point halfway through an argument, and coming up with the perfect response six hours too late, Blair shares why communication can become especially difficult when your nervous system is overwhelmed. She also talks about the pressure so many women feel to communicate perfectly, avoid disappointing anyone, manage everyone else’s reactions, and somehow find the magical sentence that guarantees nobody gets upset. Spoiler: that sentence does not exist. Instead, Blair offers a more realistic approach to communication built around slowing things down, writing down what you actually want to say, supporting your working memory, choosing better timing, listening to the words instead of the story anxiety is creating, and learning to tolerate the fact that someone else can be disappointed without that automatically meaning you did something wrong. This episode is also a reminder that healthy communication isn’t about never getting defensive, emotional, or saying something badly. It’s about being able to come back, repair, clarify, and take responsibility for your part without taking responsibility for everything. If you have a conversation haunting you right now, maybe you don’t need the perfect speech. Maybe you just need one honest sentence. And yes, shaky voices still count. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another woman who has ever overthought a text, forgotten every question at the doctor’s office, or wondered why she said yes when every cell in her body was screaming no. To learn more about The Emotionally Organized Woman, join the ADHD and Perimenopause Support community, and explore additional resources, check out the links below. For more information about working with Blair: www.blairpfeiffercoaching.com Join the ADHD and Perimenopause Support community.
Apparently, turning 40 comes with a fun little surprise nobody bothered to mention: our skin chemistry can actually change the way we smell. In this spooky-season bonus episode, we’re going down the deeply unsettling rabbit hole of “old person smell.” Is it actually real? What the hell is 2-nonenal? Why does it start showing up as we age? And most importantly, why is everyone suddenly talking about persimmon soap? We’ll get into the actual science, what we know (and don’t know), and whether persimmon soap belongs in the category of miracle internet bullshit or… probably not bullshit. Because apparently wrinkles, rogue chin hairs, and declining estrogen weren’t enough. Welcome to Tales from the Crypt: The Scent of Aging Flesh. To learn more about The Emotionally Organized Woman, join the ADHD and Perimenopause Support community, and explore additional resources, check out the links below. For more information about working with Blair: www.blairpfeiffercoaching.com Join The Side Quest Club Find some amazing resources here Join the ADHD and Perimenopause Support community.
Haunted houses? Fun. Ghost stories? Bring them on. Fluorescent lights, crowded grocery stores, scratchy clothing, strong perfume, and someone chewing too loudly? Now that’s terrifying. In this spooky-season episode, Blair dives into the very real experience of sensory overwhelm and why so many women with ADHD find that perimenopause turns the volume up on everything. From bright lights and buzzing noises to uncomfortable clothing, strong smells, and constant interruptions, she explores what it feels like when your nervous system simply has too much information to process. Through personal stories (including an unforgettable office fish incident), humor, and practical insight, Blair explains why sensory sensitivity isn’t about being “too sensitive” or dramatic. It’s about having a brain that processes the world differently, especially when hormonal changes, stress, and poor sleep leave your nervous system with fewer resources than it once had. Rather than trying to push through overwhelm, Blair encourages listeners to start noticing what their nervous system is actually asking for. Sometimes relief doesn’t come from changing everything. It comes from making one small adjustment that helps your brain feel just a little bit safer. If you’ve ever abandoned a shopping trip because the lights were too bright, the store was too loud, or your nervous system simply tapped out, this episode will remind you that you’re far from alone. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another woman who’s ever wondered why Costco feels like a haunted house but actual haunted houses somehow feel less overwhelming. To learn more about The Emotionally Organized Woman, join the ADHD and Perimenopause Support community, and explore additional resources, check out the links below. For more information about working with Blair: www.blairpfeiffercoaching.com Join the ADHD and Perimenopause Support community.
Do you ever crawl into bed completely exhausted… only for your brain to decide it’s the perfect time to replay every awkward conversation you’ve ever had, plan next week’s grocery list, solve three imaginary problems, and wonder if penguins have knees? Welcome to the 2 A.M. committee meeting. In this relatable and humor-filled episode, Blair explores the frustrating experience of being physically exhausted while your ADHD brain refuses to power down, especially during perimenopause. She shares her own journey from proudly identifying as a night owl to realizing that hormonal changes, nervous system overload, and the mental load of everyday life had completely changed her relationship with sleep. Rather than offering another list of miracle supplements or bedtime hacks, Blair takes a deeper look at why so many women struggle to “turn their brains off” at night. She explains how ADHD, fluctuating hormones, chronic stress, and carrying the invisible mental load all contribute to restless nights and racing thoughts, while gently reframing sleep struggles with compassion instead of self-criticism. This episode is a reminder that sleep isn’t simply about willpower or finding the perfect routine. Sometimes the biggest shift comes from giving your nervous system permission to slow down, treating rest as maintenance instead of something you have to earn, and letting go of the belief that waking up in the middle of the night means you’ve somehow failed. If you’ve ever found yourself wide awake at 2 a.m. mentally reorganizing your closet, replaying conversations from middle school, or making tomorrow’s to-do list instead of sleeping, you’ll leave this episode feeling understood, validated, and hopefully a little less alone. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another woman who could use the reminder that she’s not the only one attending the 2 A.M. committee meeting. To learn more about The Emotionally Organized Woman, join the ADHD and Perimenopause Support community, and explore additional resources, check out the links below. For more information about working with Blair: www.blairpfeiffercoaching.com Join the ADHD and Perimenopause Support community.