#181 - Exclusion and the Power to Build New Friendships (Amy Weatherly)
Dear Nina: Conversations About FriendshipShow Notes
What happens after you realize you’ve been excluded by the people you thought were your friends?
In this episode, Nina is joined by bestselling author Amy Weatherly for an honest, grounding conversation about adult friendship after exclusion. Together, they explore why friendship gets murkier as we get older, how popular advice about inclusion and boundaries can conflict, and what actually helps when you’re hurt and stuck.
Amy shares why rejection is an unavoidable part of building meaningful friendships, how confidence and self-reflection change the way we relate to others, and why it’s often better to stop chasing groups and start building connection one brave invitation at a time.
This episode offers reassurance, perspective, and practical wisdom for anyone navigating rejection, shifting friendships, or the loneliness of not being chosen—and a reminder that you have more power than you think.
Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!
More from Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship
When Your Friendship Needs Don't Match Are you expecting too much from a friend, or are you accepting too little? It's a question that comes up again and again in the letters I receive from listeners of Dear Nina. Sometimes a friendship truly is one-sided. But sometimes two people care deeply about each other and simply have different needs from a friendship. I'm bringing back a conversation from episode 80 with Minneapolis-based writer Sally Vardaman, author of Shoot the Arrows. Sally originally reached out after hearing an episode with my mom (episode 72) in which we discussed a friendship that ended, in part, because my mom felt the other person was "too needy." Sally shared a remarkably honest story about being the friend who wanted more. For years, she felt disappointed that one of her closest friends couldn't meet certain emotional needs, even though they had a loving friendship. Eventually, they talked about the mismatch and found a way to move forward without expecting either person to change. Sally and I discussed: Why "needy" is such a loaded word in friendship How insecurity can influence our expectations of friends Why we sometimes look to one particular friend for proof that we're loved How to set boundaries without abandoning a friendship Why having unmet needs doesn't necessarily mean a friend is letting us down
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