IVF Failed You  - The "So Now What?" Podcast

Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable

IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

Show Notes

When IVF fails and you're childless after infertility, people often try to cheer you up with "at least you can…" comments. But what these comments really reveal is how uncomfortable our society is with sadness. In this episode, I share how a recent injury reminded me of that cultural reflex, why sadness is not a flaw, and how you can create room for both grief and growth as a childless woman. Plus: details on my free class September 17 and my World Childless Week panel on September 20, Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman. Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable Have you ever been told "At least you can travel" or "At least you don't have to pay for college" after your IVF failed? If you're childless after infertility, you know how painful and dismissive these "at least you can" comments feel. People think they're comforting, but they rarely land that way. In this week's episode of The So Now What? Podcast, I explore what these comments really mean, why they don't help, and how to stop internalizing the silent message they send — that sadness, disappointment, and grief are emotions you shouldn't feel. You'll hear: Why people reach for "at least" comments and what it reveals about society's discomfort with sadness

How my nephew's recent soccer injury reminded me of our instinct to erase someone else's sadness

The connection between these comments and what we hear when IVF fails

Why sadness is not a flaw but proof that something mattered to you

How to hold both infertility grief and the good that still exists in your life

Why rediscovering your identity as a childless woman can shift your story from loss to strength

This episode also celebrates the 4-year anniversary of The So Now What? Podcast. Four years of creating a community for women who were left without resources after fertility treatments ended without a baby. Free Resources & Upcoming Events Free Class: Wednesday, Sept 17: Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond Without Spiraling or Shutting Down). Morning/afternoon in the US, evening in Europe. Register here!

World Childless Week: Saturday, Sept 20: I'm leading a panel called Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman at 8 AM CT / 2 PM BST. Join us live or catch the replay. Register here!

Free Guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond) Download it for free. CLICK HERE!

☕ Help me celebrate 4 years of The "So Now What?" Podcast! If this podcast has supported you, would you leave a rating or review? Reviews help more women who are grieving infertility discover this resource. As a thank-you, I'll send you a $5 Starbucks gift card. 👉 Here's how to claim it: Follow the step-by-step directions here to leave your rating or review.

Take a screenshot once your review is posted.

Email it to me here: [email protected]

When I receive your screenshot, I'll send you a Starbucks gift card as my thank-you for celebrating this milestone with me. Sadness doesn't mean you're broken. Grief after infertility is real, but it doesn't define your whole story. Listen to Episode 183: Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable to learn how to stop internalizing "at least you can" comments and start creating space for both your grief and your growth.

More from IVF Failed You - The "So Now What?" Podcast

Jul 9, 2026

Life After IVF: How to Rediscover Yourself When Fertility Treatment Ends Without a Child What happens after fertility treatments end? If IVF failed, you stopped fertility treatment without becoming a mom, or you're wondering how to rebuild your life after infertility, this episode is for you. When your dream of motherhood doesn't happen, it can feel like your future disappeared with it. You may wonder who you are now, what comes next, or whether you'll ever feel excited about life again. In this episode, you'll hear the deeply personal story behind one of the biggest decisions I've ever made. After spending 20 years in medical device sales and reaching the highest point of my career, I walked away from everything to build resources for women living childless after infertility. Now, two years later, I'm sharing why I'm returning to corporate America and what this experience has taught me about identity, purpose, and creating a meaningful life after infertility. If you've ever believed motherhood was supposed to define who you are, this conversation will help you see that your story is still being written. In this episode, you'll discover: Why the end of fertility treatment doesn't have to be the end of discovering who you are.

May 27, 2026

Birthdays After IVF Failed | Childless and Aging After Infertility What happens when birthdays stop feeling celebratory after IVF failed? For many women who are childless after infertility, birthdays can feel like painful reminders of everything that did not happen: • Another year older. • Another year without children. • Another year wondering what your future is supposed to look like now. In this deeply personal episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, Lana Manikowski opens up about turning 52 after seven years of infertility, IUI, and IVF treatments that ended without a child. She shares the silent fears many women carry about aging without motherhood, feeling disconnected from themselves, and questioning their purpose, identity, and future after fertility treatments end. This episode explores: • Why birthdays can feel emotionally painful after IVF failed. • The fear of aging without children. • Feeling like your "real life" never started after infertility. • The identity loss that happens when motherhood does not happen. • Fear around legacy, purpose, and who will care for you later in life. • Why women often feel lost for years after fertility treatments end. • What helped Lana stop measuring her life against motherhood milestones. • How to begin creating meaning and connection after childlessness not by choice. If you have ever wondered: "What does aging look like without children?" "Who am I without motherhood?" "How do I stop feeling behind in life after infertility?" …this episode is for you. Lana also shares details about a confidential research study through Northwestern University focused on understanding the experiences and support needs of women whose fertility treatments ended without a live birth. Mentioned in this episode Participate in an anonymous Northwestern University Research Study for women who have left fertility treatments without a child. Researchers are gathering insight about the emotional experiences, unmet needs, and long-term impact of life after infertility so fertility clinics can better support future patients. The confidential survey is open to anyone in the world who meets the eligibility requirements. Click here to participate in the Northwestern University research study

May 19, 2026

Childless After Infertility? You Still Belong If you've ever felt like everyone else moved forward after IVF while you were left trying to figure out where you fit… this episode is for you. In Episode 205 of The "So Now What?" Podcast, Lana Manikowski shares a deeply personal recap of The Other's Day® weekend in Chicago, where women from 13 states gathered for connection, friendship, healing, and belonging after infertility and childlessness. But this episode is about much more than a weekend event. It's about what happens when you stop seeing yourself as the outsider. You'll hear honest conversation about the emotional aftermath of infertility, the loneliness many women experience after fertility treatments end without a baby, and why so many women quietly question who they are now once the future they imagined never happened. Lana shares: • Why Mother's Day weekend can feel emotionally exhausting when you are childless not by choice. • The hidden identity shifts that happen after IVF failed. • How infertility impacts friendships, marriage, confidence, and connection. • What it was like watching women who once felt disconnected instantly connect during The Other's Day® celebrations. • Why you already belong, even if motherhood didn't happen. • The emotional experience of meeting Thrive After Infertility clients in person after years of coaching together online. • Why healing is not about becoming someone different, but reconnecting to yourself and your life again. • How women are building meaningful, connected, joy-filled lives after infertility. This episode is for you if: • You feel disconnected from friends after infertility. • Mother's Day still feels hard after IVF failed. • You wonder where you fit now that fertility treatments are over. • You are struggling to picture a meaningful future without children. • You want to feel connected, grounded, and hopeful again. You are not broken. You are not behind. And you do not have to keep navigating this alone. ✨ Mentioned in this episode: Join the waitlist for The Other's Day® 2027 in Chicago (May 7–8, 2027): The Other's Day® Waitlist Participate in the confidential Northwestern University research study for women whose fertility treatment ended without a live birth: Northwestern Fertility Treatment Research Study Schedule a free Thrive Call with Lana: Book a Thrive Call Download the free guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless and How to Respond Get the Free Guide Here Learn more about Thrive After Infertility Connect with Lana on Instagram: Instagram @lana.manikowski

Apr 28, 2026

Belonging When You're Infertile and Childless What happens when fertility treatments end and there's no baby? It's a question that rarely gets discussed in the infertility world, yet it's the reality so many women face after IVF fails, fertility treatments end, or you make the painful decision to stop trying. In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, I'm sharing the exact speech I recently gave at the Seeds of Hope Fertility Luncheon. What made this event especially powerful is that many women in the room ultimately became mothers after infertility. Their stories looked different than mine, but so many came up to me afterward and said: "I've never thought about what happens when fertility treatment ends without a baby." And that's exactly why this conversation matters. If you're infertile and childless, navigating life after IVF failed, or trying to figure out how to rebuild your identity when motherhood didn't happen, this episode will remind you that you still belong. In this episode, you'll hear: • Why there's a major gap in fertility care when treatment ends without a live birth. • Details about the new research study I'm supporting with Northwestern University focused on women whose fertility treatments ended without a baby. • Why being handed brochures for adoption, donor eggs, or more treatment is not the same as actual support. • The friendship brunch moment that made me question whether I still belonged. • Why so many women feel like motherhood is what makes them feel relevant or included in adulthood. • How one of my clients stopped disappearing from her own life after infertility. • Why creating new traditions and redefining your future matters when motherhood is no longer part of your path. • Why I created The Other's Day® for women who need a place to belong around Mother's Day. • How to stop waiting for life to begin and start creating a life you feel proud of. Your story may not look like what you planned. That does not make your life any less meaningful. And it absolutely does not make you any less worthy of belonging. Links Mentioned in This Episode Participate in the Northwestern Research Study This anonymous survey is open worldwide for women whose fertility treatments ended without a live birth. It takes about 20 minutes. https://redcap.nubic.northwestern.edu/redcap/surveys/?s=LM4TX4MJN3HRR7ER Get Tickets to The Other's Day® (May 8–9 in Chicago) Friday: The Foundation (yoga, guided meditation + sound bath) Saturday: The Other's Day® Brunch Attend one event or both. https://lanamanikowski.com/othersday Read Chapter 1 of "So Now What?" https://lana-manikowski.myflodesk.com/chapter1 Buy "So Now What?" https://www.lanamanikowski.com/book Free Guide: Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless https://lana-manikowski.myflodesk.com/thingspeoplesay Book a Thrive Call https://calendly.com/lanamanikowski/strategy-session Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lana.manikowski/ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@lana.manikowski YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@lana.manikowski

Apr 17, 2026

If you've ever felt like friendships got harder after infertility, you're not imagining it. When IVF failed and your life didn't include children, you didn't just lose the dream of motherhood. You also lost the built-in ways friendships often form. No school drop-offs. No sports schedules. No automatic community. So now you're left wondering… how do you actually make meaningful friendships as a childless woman? In this episode, you hear a real, honest conversation about what it looks like to create connection when your life doesn't follow the traditional path. 💛 What You'll Learn in This Episode Why friendships can feel more complicated when you're childless after infertility

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