Show Notes
If you've been told that staying married "for the kids" is the most loving choice you can make, this episode will challenge everything you thought you knew about protecting your children. The truth is, emotional and spiritual abuse doesn't just harm you, it rewires your children's brains, damages their attachment systems, and poisons their relationship with God. Research shows that staying in a high-conflict, abusive marriage can be up to 10 times more damaging to children than divorce. And when abuse is wrapped in religious language, the harm multiplies. Your kids aren't just losing safety, they're losing their ability to experience God as loving and trustworthy. 🔑 Key Takeaways: Emotional abuse causes documented brain changes in children: Studies show literal changes in brain development, delays in developmental milestones, and difficulty processing positive feedback. Children don't have to be direct targets to be harmed: Simply living in an environment of coercive control, manipulation, and contempt creates lasting damage. Spiritual abuse acts as a multiplier: When abuse is justified with God's name or Bible verses, children develop profound guilt, anger at God, and the belief that God is punishing and untrustworthy. Divorce isn't the problem - conflict is: Research shows that 80% of children from divorced homes grow up healthy and successful when at least one parent provides safety and stability. You can be the protective factor: One safe, emotionally attuned caregiver can change everything. Your healing and presence matter more than a legal document keeping the family "intact." 📌 Relevant Links and Resources: 🎙️ Watch the rest of this Emotional Abuse 101 series (as it comes out) HERE. 🎁 I want to give you a free gift. It’s the audio version of my book, All the Scary Little Gods. It’s a spiritual memoir about healing from religious trauma and toxic programming that was not only destroying me, but also my children. You can listen to it FREE by going to scarylittlegods.com
I will also send you my weekly Hope Letters for Christian women in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages.
More from Flying Free
My pastors told me that what I was experiencing for over two decades wasn’t serious enough to be called “abuse.” They said I had to be physically hurt for it to cross the line of “hard marriage” to “abusive marriage.” Their beliefs kept me spinning in a turmoil so great that I thought a lot about ending my life.
Today we welcome back Arizona family law attorney Wendy Hernandez to celebrate the release of her brand new book, Legally Ending Love, and to walk us through exactly what every woman needs to know before they file for divorce.
Today I’m going to tell you about the last of the three books I picked as the most life-changing for me so far. I was nervous to write this episode because the book is controversial in some circles, and even I was afraid to read it many years ago. I expected to confront all kinds of lies and heresies (this is what I was taught at my church!)
This is the second in a 3-part series where I’m sharing the top three books that have changed my life. Last week I talked about the book A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman. This week I will talk about Altogether You by Jenna Remiersma. And next week…well, you’ll have to come back then to hear me talk about a VERY controversial book in conservative Christian circles, but WOW did it absolutely do a number on my chronic fear, shame, and anger. But for now - let’s dive into a book that helped me make sense of the contradictory thoughts I struggled with every single day. “I can totally do this!” “I could NEVER DO THAT!”
A lot of people got mad at me when I started to change over ten years ago. They got so mad, they booted me out of my church and my family. In this episode, I’m going to tell you about a book that changed the way I parent, lead, and show up in my own life.