Show Notes
Have you ever felt like your team can't solve problems without you? Like every question, every decision, every "got a minute?" lands squarely on your desk? In this episode of The Lonely Leaders Club, Lucy and Kel get into one of the most common traps in leadership: being everyone's problem solver at work. That moment you realise the thing that made you feel like a great leader (having all the answers) might actually be holding your team back. Because the more senior you get, the more people come to you. And if you're always the one solving, you're not leading, you're just doing everyone else's thinking for them. This episode is about how to coach your team instead of giving answers, and how to build a self-sufficient team that doesn't fall apart without you. In this episode, we cover: How to stop being your team's problem solver and why it happens in the first place Coaching vs managing: the difference between telling people what to do and helping them think for themselves The GROW model coaching framework: a simple structure you can use in your very next conversation A live role play using the GROW model to coach through a difficult feedback conversation How to ask better questions as a leader, and why "what do you think?" is more powerful than you realise Coaching questions for managers at every level, including how to coach junior team members The "three before me" rule: a practical tool for building team accountability How to get employees to think for themselves without leaving them stranded Leadership mindset shifts: why solving less actually makes you a stronger leader Why the best people management skills aren't about having answers, they're about asking the right questions
Lucy's leadership program for managers → https://www.thegracefulcollective.com/managementcollective Hosted by two women in leadership who've been on both sides of the desk, The Lonely Leaders Club is a leadership podcast that blends honest conversation with practical coaching tips. Real leadership skills for anyone figuring out how to stop micromanaging and start coaching, without losing connection with their team. Connect with us: Lucy Allen Website Instagram LinkedIn
Kel Stambanis Instagram LinkedIn
Mentioned in this episode: Book Me To Speak Lucy is a Mindset & Leadership Speaker who loves supporting workplaces to challenge the way they think, speak and lead. She has a series of signature speaking topics or can create something bespoke for your team. Whether it's for a conference, offsite or part of your annual training & development program, Lucy's work has been described as "life changing" and is packed with practical tools that can't be used when you're back at your desk on Monday. Book Me To Speak
More from The Lonely Leaders Club
Remember Kel’s slightly cheeky “haven’t we met before?” trick? Well, a listener tried it on Lucy while she was facilitating, and it sent her into a total tailspin. We’re talking all-day contemplation, questioning everything kind of tailspin. She spent the whole day trying to place a man she’d never actually met. But that’s just the warm-up. Today’s conversation is one Lucy gets asked at nearly every session she runs: how do you get people to have the hard conversations? The awkward, nervy, “oh god, how do I even say this” feedback most of us would do almost anything to avoid. So we get into how to say the hard thing so that it lands, and why doing it is kind, not cruel. In this episode, we cover: Why we dodge hard conversations, and why avoiding them makes everything worse “Clear is kind”: why honest feedback is the kindest thing you can offer The difference between a nice culture and a kind one How to own the conversation instead of hiding behind “other people have noticed” Why feedback needs a regular “home” so it stops feeling like an ambush The SBI framework (Situation, Behaviour, Impact) for giving tough behavioural feedback Why being someone’s cheerleader 99% of the time makes the hard 1% land How to make space for someone’s emotions without trying to fix them Why clunky and awkward usually means you got it right How to have hard conversations at work without dodging or sugar-coating them How to give constructive feedback as a leader, and the communication skills that make it land Why having difficult conversations is a core management skill, not just a leadership nice-to-have
Lucy just got back from five and a half weeks away. It was equal parts heaven and absolute chaos, including the moment a wildfire came over the mountain behind her in-laws' villa and the whole family had to grab their passports and run. (Not exactly what was on the itinerary.) So this episode kicks off with one hell of a holiday story. But it's really a holiday intervention, for Kel, and for anyone who never takes their leave. Kel's sitting on a stack of unused annual leave and is known to bring her laptop to the beach (seek help). If that hits a nerve, welcome, you're among friends. We've all quietly decided that skipping the break makes us noble and heroic. Lucy's here to ruin that for you. The reframe: rest isn't the enemy of success. It might be the thing that makes you better at everything. In this episode, we cover: Why leaders skip annual leave, and how avoiding burnout starts with taking the break How holidays improve your thinking and boost productivity (there's neuroscience behind it) Why you have to "collect new dots" before you can connect them The bold case that holidays make you money, not cost you Why rest sounds boring, but coming back sharper and more creative doesn't How a proper break from work lets you step back and see your life clearly Why holidays stretch time, and the daily grind quietly compresses it How to stop overworking and actually take the leave (book it before the perfect time that never comes) How to switch off from work and disconnect without the guilt
Ever swallowed a chunk of mince pie a stranger accidentally spat into your mouth just to avoid the awkwardness? (Yes, that’s a real story. And yes, it’s how this episode kicks off.) That's people pleasing in its most ridiculous form: putting someone else's comfort ahead of your own to the maxx!! Lucy and Kel get into people pleasing at work: why we do it, what it costs us, and how to stop. Lucy admits she's still unlearning it. Kel's the one who'd stay firmly in her seat, asking why everyone else is standing up. Being liked isn't about keeping everyone happy. The leaders people actually like are clear and consistent. They stick to their values even when that means saying no. In this episode, we cover: How to stop people pleasing, and why it's really a form of self-abandonment Why we people please in the first place (thanks, evolution and our need to be liked) The cost of people pleasing at work, for leaders and their teams Why the most liked leaders are the clear ones, not the agreeable ones How to give feedback as a leader instead of sitting on it The "yes, no, yes" structure for setting boundaries at work without the guilt How to say no at work when your instinct is to say yes to everything Why people pleasing and boundaries are really about whose feelings you're responsible for How to buy yourself time to break the automatic "yes" The mindset shift (thank you Schitt's Creek) that puts your overthinking in its place
What is influence, really? It's not about authority or telling people what to do. It's the skill of understanding how they want to be led. In this *requested* (we’re chuffed with that) episode, Lucy and Kel unpack how to influence people at work without relying on authority. Spoiler: It's got nothing to do with you. Influence is 99% about the other person and 1% about you, and once you get that, it becomes so much easier. In this episode, we cover: Why influence is really "soft power," or leading without authority The number one mistake people make: making it about themselves How to remove friction so people can say yes quickly Why you should treat people how they want to be treated, not how you would How to ask people the way they actually want to receive information Listen to understand, not to respond, and the three things to listen for Why being interested makes you interesting How to build rapport with clients and colleagues, even the tricky ones Reframing "difficult" people as simply different, and getting curious instead
Ever accidentally texted your boss calling them a bitch? No? Just Lucy then. But whether or not you've had a managing up horror story, you've definitely had a moment where you didn't know how to communicate with senior leadership, and it cost you. Managing up is one of those leadership skills no one actually teaches you. You're expected to know how to give feedback to your boss, how to escalate problems without looking like you're dumping them, and how to build trust with your manager, all while making it look effortless. But here's the thing: your boss doesn't want you to be a hero who handles everything alone.