Show Notes
What if the very thing you think makes you a good mom—worrying about your teen—is actually getting in the way of the relationship you want with them?
In this episode, I talk with licensed professional counselor and anxiety and OCD expert Jenna Overbaugh about the difference between normal parental concern and letting anxiety take over your parenting. Jenna explains why motherhood can be the perfect breeding ground for anxiety: we worry most about what we deeply care about, feel responsible for, and ultimately cannot control. The problem comes when worry stops being constructive and starts driving our decisions. Instead of asking, “What could go wrong?” Jenna encourages moms to ask, “Is this constructive?” and focus on what they can actually do in the present moment.
We also explore intrusive thoughts, rumination, and the ways anxiety can spill over into our relationships with our teens. When fear is running the show, moms may overthink, seek reassurance, micromanage, or make parenting decisions based primarily on preventing something bad from happening. Jenna offers a powerful image: imagine fear sitting at a conference table alongside your values, logic, instincts, and what you know to be true. Fear deserves a seat—but it doesn't get to run the meeting. And because our teens are watching how we respond to uncertainty, modeling a healthy relationship with anxiety can be one of the most important lessons we give them.
Finally, we talk about accepting one of the hardest truths of parenting: we cannot control the outcome. We can do many things “right” and still face uncertainty, disappointment, or struggle. Instead of trying to engineer the perfect future for our teens, Jenna encourages moms to return to the present, tolerate uncertainty, and think about what will matter five years from now—not just what will relieve our anxiety in the next five minutes. Sometimes the healthiest choice is to put down the college application, the problem, or the worry and protect the relationship. Anxiety can come along for the ride, but it doesn't get to drive the bus.
3 Takeaways
Ask, “Is this constructive?” Worrying and problem-solving are not the same thing. If your thoughts are simply circling the problem, come back to the present and ask what useful action you can take right now.
Let fear have a voice, not the final vote. Consider your anxiety, but also listen to your values, logic, instincts, and what you know about your teen before making parenting decisions.
Parent with the relationship in mind. You cannot eliminate uncertainty or guarantee your teen's future. Think beyond what will ease your anxiety for the next five minutes and choose what supports you, your teen, and your relationship for the next five years.
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