Her Hero Died by Suicide. Then She Had to Keep Choosing Life

*WARNING: This podcast mentions suicide & trauma and may be triggering.

Episode Summary In this deeply personal episode of The Survivors, hosts Lisa and Natasha sit down with Heather Tobin, one of Lisa’s oldest friends, to remember someone Heather and Lisa both loved deeply: Heather’s first cousin and one of Lisa’s dearest lifelong friends, Steven Fox. For the first time since Steven died by suicide on April 12, 2021, Lisa and Heather compare their experiences of receiving the devastating news, the shock of those first moments, and what it has meant to grieve the same person through two very different relationships. Heather knew Steven as her cousin, her hero, and someone she had looked up to throughout her life. Lisa knew him as one of her and her husband Dave’s oldest and closest friends—a friendship that stretched from childhood through adulthood, including living together after college and raising families whose lives remained deeply connected. Together, Lisa and Heather remember who Steven was beyond the way he died and explore the complicated emotions that often follow suicide loss: disbelief, guilt, anger, unanswered questions, and the endless cycle of wondering what if? Heather also opens up about her own struggles with depression, suicidal ideation, and suicide attempts—and how her lived experience shaped the way she understood and grieved Steven’s death. This is an honest conversation about sharing the same profound loss, surviving unbearable pain, finding the courage to ask for help, and the role that advocacy, connection, and community can play in healing. Most importantly, it’s a chance to remember Steven not for how his life ended, but for how deeply he was loved and the impact he continues to have on the people he left behind.

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Takeaways

The impact of losing a loved one to suicide Heather Tobin's personal journey and mental health struggles The importance of compassion and understanding in mental health Breaking stigma around suicide and mental illness The role of community and support in healing The significance of recognizing mental health issues early Strategies for coping with grief and loss The importance of self-care and seeking help

Chapters 00:00 - Introduction and Heather's connection to Steven 01:58 - Remembering Steven: His personality and heroism 05:53 - The shock of Steven's death and immediate reactions 09:57 - The moment Heather received the news and her emotional response 15:01 - Shared grief and the impact on Heather's mental health 19:59 - The importance of support and community in recovery 24:47 - Breaking the stigma: Suicide is an illness, not selfishness 30:08 - Heather's journey through mental health challenges and attempts 35:02 - Caring for mental health today: Self-care and ongoing support 40:03 - The power of vulnerability and advocacy in mental health awareness 44:56 - Final thoughts: Hope, healing, and continuing the conversation

Mental Health Resources

If you or someone you know is struggling, please call 988 for help. The Survivors Podcast Website – https://thesurvivors.net/ Surviving: Finding Hope After Suicide Loss (Familius Books) The HelpHUB™ – Mental health resources, tools, and support networks – https://www.thehelphub.co/

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See you next week! In the meantime, keep surviving.