Ep 32: Why You Won't Spend On Yourself

Your partner shows you what they've bought and your stomach tightens. Or you plan something nice and end up feeling told off. Most money arguments between couples aren't really about money! In the third episode on the inner side of budgeting, Shabbar and Tim look at what happens when a careful saver shares a life, and a bank account, with a free spender. They talk about how quickly we judge our partner's money habits as wrong rather than different, and why a small overspend can stir up something far bigger. Drawing on money psychology and Shabbar's coaching work, they offer a kinder way to talk about money together, starting with owning what your partner's spending brings up in you. Key themes: How a row about spending turns into "do you actually love me"

You set a budget to feel organised and in control, but it restricts you from doing the things that could really benefit your life. The money is sitting there, but something stops you from using it. Shabbar and Tim continue their conversation on budgeting and money mindset, this time turning to the HOW. Starting with a mattress that cost more than the pot allowed, and a city council that couldn't fund prevention because its budget system wouldn't allow it. They look at what tidy categories hide: the cost of staying where you are, and the benefits you can't put a number on. Then the conversation widens beyond money to your time, your attention and the people you love. Key themes: Why the money is there but we still won't move it The cost of staying in work you don't love, and why we never count it How a made-up budget number starts to feel set in stone What changes when you budget your time and attention, not just your money Enjoyed this episode? We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions, or your own stories about money. Reach out and connect with us on LinkedIn: Shabbar: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/shabbarkassam Tim: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/timmalnick Explore Tim's work and register for his upcoming workshop: https://timothymalnick.com/ Find out more about Shabbar's financial planning services: https://lumosfinancial.com/

Following our deep dive into the courage of living a true life path—inspired by the legacy of climbers like Nims Purja who risk everything to do what makes them feel alive—we turn our focus inward to a tool that often feels like the exact opposite of freedom: the budget. For most people, budgeting carries a heavy, restrictive reputation. It sounds like a chore designed to kill joy, limit spontaneity, and force us into spreadsheet-driven austerity. But what if your budget wasn't meant to sort out your numbers, but to serve your life? In this first episode of a 3-part series on budgeting, Shabbar and Tim break down the psychological spectrum of spending. Using Shabbar's recent fixation on buying a new mattress—and the anxiety of exceeding an arbitrary "budget anchor"—they explore how our unconscious habits with money reveal how we relate to control, freedom, and intimacy. The conversation opens out into what life centred budgeting actually means, and why it has more to do with openness, communication and what you want your life to look like than with spreadsheets. They look at both ends of it: the person who tracks every pound and feels quietly ashamed when they overspend, and the person who spends freely and genuinely doesn't know where the money went. Key themes: Why coming in under budget can feel like a moral win What "I don't know where the money goes" is really telling you Why spending freely isn't the same thing as being free How family rules about being sensible end up writing your budget What changes when a couple decides together what their money is for Enjoyed this episode? We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions, or your own stories about money. Reach out and connect with us on LinkedIn: Shabbar: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/shabbarkassam Tim: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/timmalnick Explore Tim's work and register for his upcoming workshop: https://timothymalnick.com/ Find out more about Shabbar's financial planning services: https://lumosfinancial.com/

Most of us are waiting to know where the money is coming from before we begin. Nims Purja remortgaged his house, went to climb the fourteen highest mountains on earth with no sponsors and no certainty, and the money only arrived once he had already started. Shabbar brings the recent death of a man he never met but had come to love, and the conversation turns quickly from mountains to money. Tim points out that long before the risk of the climb, there was a financial risk most of us would never take. From there they look at something harder: the judgments we make about people who follow their own path, and what those judgments protect us from seeing in ourselves. Along the way there is Jung on individuation, a mountaineer's words from 1924 about why we make money at all, and an honest look at courage, fear, and the comfort we mistake for a life. Key themes: Why not knowing where the money will come from stops almost all of us

It's been fifteen years and Shabbar's mattress needs replacing. He's found one he likes. Three evenings later he still hasn't bought it, and he's calling that being careful with money. It's reminiscent of the same tangle he got into over a hotel voucher last year. What looks like a small purchase opens onto something bigger: a budget he set himself and now can't break, a quiet feeling that sticking to it says something about the kind of person he is, and a pattern where chasing comfort produces the opposite. Tim then walks him through it without letting him off the hook. This is money psychology at the smallest possible scale, which turns out to be where the real patterns live.