Ep 12: Breadwinners and Caregivers with Melissa Hogenboom

Check out Erica's work at https://www.ericadjossa.com/ You can find my online coaching community at https://www.skool.com/be-a-happier-parent/about If you're interested in 1:1 couples coaching, email me at [email protected] content type Interview primary goal Educational summary In this episode, we explore the impact of ADHD on parenting and relationships, focusing on how neurodivergence influences the mental load, responsibility, and communication between partners. Erica Josso shares insights from her work and books, offering practical advice for couples navigating these challenges. keywords ADHD, parenting, mental load, relationships, neurodivergence, gender roles, communication, mental health, family dynamics, ADHD in adults key topics ADHD as a brain function difference in dopamine regulationGender differences in ADHD presentation and diagnosisThe impact of ADHD on mental load and household managementCommunication strategies for couples dealing with ADHDChallenging societal expectations and gender norms in parentingThe importance of defining shared standards and expectationsThe role of compassion versus enabling in ADHD relationshipsStrategies for managing capacity and avoiding burnoutThe social conditioning of priorities and responsibilitiesTools and resources for supporting neurodivergent parents

Laura Danger is @darnchat on social media. Her book is No More Mediocre: A Call to Reimagine Our Relationships and Demand More. If you would like to find out more about one-to-one coaching, email me at [email protected]. My Be a Happier Parent Skool community is currently available on a free seven-day trial. I distil my coaching down into easy-to-follow videos, and I’m on there every day chatting to people and answering questions. Come and check it out: https://www.skool.com/be-a-happier-parent/about You can also follow me on Instagram and TikTok @BeAHappyParent and on YouTube @alexindadland. content type Interview primary goal Educational summary In this episode, Alex Trippier talks with Laura Danger about the realities of relationships after having children, gender roles, emotional labor, and how societal systems influence family dynamics. They explore how anger, community, and systemic change can lead to healthier, more equitable relationships. keywords relationships, parenting, gender roles, emotional labor, systemic change, anger, community, family dynamics, gender equality, mental health key topics Impact of having children on relationship satisfactionGender roles and societal expectations for moms and dadsEmotional labor and mental load in householdsThe role of anger in driving changeCommunity and systemic change for better family lifeThe influence of societal systems on family dynamicsThe concept of living in community and shared responsibilityThe importance of valuing care work and emotional laborThe impact of societal hierarchy and capitalism on family rolesStrategies for having difficult conversations about division of labor guest name Laura Danger sound bites "There's a lot of inequity and sacrifice in households.""It's okay to feel angry and face discomfort.""Sitting with discomfort is work every day." Chapters 00:00 Introduction: Why relationships change after children02:00 The inequity of emotional labor in households05:13 Laura Danger's story of her birthday and realization07:57 The systemic roots of family struggles12:01 The importance of community and shared responsibility15:53 The influence of societal expectations on masculinity19:56 The role of anger in creating change25:03 The impact of societal hierarchy and capitalism30:11 Valuing care over struggle and wealth35:04 Living in community and local activism39:56 The importance of valuing emotional labor and care work45:05 The internalized expectations of masculinity50:00 How systemic change can improve family life55:08 Practical advice for having difficult conversations01:00:00 The importance of sitting with discomfort01:05:01 Changing societal narratives around gender and work

Check out my members community: https://www.skool.com/be-a-happier-parent/about Anna's book is "The Life of Dad" and you can find more about her work here: https://annamachin.com/

Check out my coaching community! I'm answering questions every day so come and say hi! https://www.skool.com/be-a-happier-parent/about Here's Caroline's amazing course: The coupon for £100 discount is SUMMERSUPPORT https://dr-caroline-boyd.mykajabi.com/mr-signup-autumn-2025 You can find more about Caroline at https://drcarolineboyd.com/

Please follow me on Instagram and TikTok @beahappierparent Full videos of episodes available on YouTube @alexindadland Couples coaching, contact me: [email protected] Darby Saxbe is on Instagram @darbysaxbephd summary This conversation explores the evolving roles of fathers and mothers, the impact of societal and cultural shifts on parenting, and how to foster healthier family dynamics. It highlights the importance of communication, understanding gender roles, and supporting men in caregiving. keywords fatherhood, gender roles, parenting, mental load, maternal gatekeeping, relationship dynamics, cultural shifts, caregiving, masculinity, family health key topics Changing roles of fathers and mothersImpact of societal and cultural shifts on parentingMaternal gatekeeping and paternal involvementThe emotional and physical transformation of new dadsThe importance of communication in parenting partnerships guest name Darby Saxbe Titles The Future of Fatherhood: Embracing Care and ConnectionHow Cultural Shifts Are Redefining Parenting Roles sound bites "Men are left out of the conversation.""Fatherhood is transformative for men.""We need to value care as a society." Chapters 00:00 The Importance of Dads in Parenting Dynamics05:15 Transformative Experiences of Fatherhood07:54 Understanding the Impact of Birth on Fathers11:12 The Role of Meaning-Making in Parenting11:41 The Crisis of Transitioning to Parenthood13:59 Communication as a Key to Relationship Success17:04 The Unique Role of Fathers in Child Development19:50 The Evolution of Fatherhood Roles22:45 The Future of Parenting Dynamics26:58 The Role of Oxytocin in Parenting27:52 Cultural Influences on Parenting Styles30:30 Navigating Parental Expectations and Child Development31:56 Changing Representations of Fathers in Media35:52 Evolving Masculinity and Parenting Roles40:04 The Importance of Male Role Models in Caregiving43:31 Valuing Care in Society46:45 Understanding Modern Parenting Challenges resources Darby Saxbe's Book on Parenthood and Gender Roles - https://www.amazon.com/Parenthood-Gender-Roles-Darby-Saxbe/dp/XXXXXXRichard Reeves' Work on Fatherhood and Masculinity - https://www.thelondonreview.com/richard-reeves-fatherhoodStar Wars and Cultural Depictions of Fathers - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXXXXXThe Mandalorian Series - https://www.disneyplus.com/series/the-mandalorian/XXXXXXStudies on Oxytocin and Parenting - https://www.researchgate.net/publication/XXXXXX