No One Is Defined by the Worst Thing They've Done: Rebecca Weiker on Restorative Justice and Healing Video
And Now Love PodcastSummary
Cynthia Marks, head of the Holistic Psychoanalysis Foundation, emphasizes the importance of understanding trauma in addressing harm and fostering healing. In a conversation with Rebecca Weicker from Mend Collaborative, they explore the transformative potential of restorative justice, which focuses on bringing together survivors and those who have caused harm to facilitate dialogue and accountability. Marks highlights that every individual has a story shaped by their experiences, and recognizing this humanity can lead to profound change.
Weicker shares her personal journey, which began with the tragic loss of her sister to violence, motivating her to create Mend Collaborative. The organization aims to bridge the gap between survivors and incarcerated individuals, offering opportunities for restorative dialogue that traditional criminal justice systems often overlook. They discuss the challenges of accessing the prison system and the unique model in California, where community-based organizations facilitate these dialogues, contrasting with other states where corrections employees typically lead such efforts.
The conversation delves into the mechanics of restorative justice, which prioritizes the needs of those harmed over punitive measures. Weicker explains that the process involves careful preparation and voluntary participation, allowing both survivors and offenders to share their stories in a safe environment. This approach fosters mutual understanding and healing, with the potential for ripple effects that extend beyond the individuals involved to their families and communities. Marks and Weicker advocate for greater awareness and integration of restorative justice practices within the broader criminal justice system, emphasizing the need for systemic change to address the root causes of violence and harm.
Show Notes
Our legal system asks three questions: what law was broken, who did it, and how do we punish them. Restorative justice asks an entirely different set: who was harmed, what do they need, and whose job is it to meet that need. In this moving episode, Cynthia Marks sits down with Rebecca Weiker, co-founder of Mend Collaborative, a Los Angeles restorative justice organization that brings survivors and incarcerated people together for the kind of dialog, accountability, and healing the criminal legal system was never built to provide. Rebecca's conviction is hard-won. In 1992 her beloved older sister Wendy, a mental health provider, was killed at the clinic where she worked, and that loss eventually led Rebecca into a world she knew nothing about and a belief she holds to this day, that no one is defined by the worst thing that has happened to them or the worst thing they have done. Rebecca walks Cynthia through how this work actually happens: the carefully prepared victim offender dialogs that can take six months to a year, the surrogate dialogs where a survivor sits with a circle of incarcerated people, and the Days of Healing where people dance, make art, and remember their own humanity. She is honest about what she has never once failed to find, which is trauma sitting underneath the harm a person caused, and about the ripple effect that moves outward when even one person is finally heard. They talk about the skill set people build during decades inside, the quiet work of caring for the facilitators who carry these stories, and why a reform that changes a sentence still leaves the deeper needs unmet. It all circles back to the heart of this show, the idea that when we see each other with love, and refuse to reduce anyone to their worst moment, real healing becomes possible. This is And Now Love. Listen to your dreams and live from your heart. Please follow, rate, and share the podcast, and pass this episode along to someone who might need it.
More from And Now Love Podcast
Romantic love might be the thing humans chase hardest and understand least. In this episode, Cynthia Marks welcomes back Dr. Loren Weiner, the show's in-house expert on the work of Dr. Bernard Bail, to look honestly at why love goes the way it does, and why so much of it runs on a definition we inherited before we could speak. Loren makes a direct case: the "type" you're drawn to, the chemistry you can't explain, the person everyone says is perfect but somehow leaves you cold, all of it traces back to the imprint, the unconscious ball of a mother's own pain and limitation that gets passed to a child in the womb. If the love we first knew did not quite feel like love, that becomes the blueprint we carry out into the world looking for more of the same. The conversation works through real patient dreams that show the pattern in motion: a woman who pictures herself eight months pregnant with a man who cannot show up on time, a dream that asks "am I a gold digger" and turns out to be about the riches of love rather than money, and a victory parade that signals she has finally found something that feels calm and good. Loren and Cynthia talk about proceeding slowly enough to feel what a person actually stirs in you, the difference between forgiveness and spiritual bypass, and the larger idea at the heart of Bail's work, that we arrive carrying a memory of pure love and spend our lives trying to find our way back to it. The hopeful part: when you dismantle enough of the imprint and discover who you really are beneath it, love has somewhere to land. This is And Now Love. Listen to your dreams and live from your heart. Please follow, rate, and share the podcast, and pass this episode along to someone who might need it.
Los Angeles Institute for Right Brain Practices: www.lairp.org What does it actually take to heal a community and change the way we handle conflict? In this powerful episode, Cynthia Marks sits down with Carlos Alvarez, founder of LAIRP — the Los Angeles Institute for Right Brain Practices — whose own journey is as remarkable as the work he does. Carlos grew up in southeast LA surrounded by gangs, was pulled into that life young, and, by his own account, watched most of the friends he came up with end up in prison or gone. What made the difference for him was connection: a strong early foundation, an inner "witness," and a teacher who reestablished his sense of safety when he'd lost it. Today, Carlos uses the science of how our brains process emotion to redesign school discipline, interrupt community violence, and help people truly connect. Carlos and Cynthia explore the neuroscience of dysregulation and "synchrony" — why we need another regulated human being to help us find our way out of survival — and how that understanding transforms the way we treat so-called "highly spirited" kids. He shares the restorative systems he built inside schools, the difference between misbehavior and stress behavior, the heavy and sometimes dangerous reality of gang-intervention work, and why real change has to come from within. Woven all the way through is the theme at the heart of this show: Dr. Bail's emphasis on the right brain, the feminine, early attachment, and the belief that it's connection and love — not punishment — that actually heal us. This is And Now Love. Listen to your dreams and live from your heart. Please follow, rate, and share the podcast, and pass this episode along to someone who might need it.
As AI reshapes the world at a dizzying pace, the most important question might not be what machines can do — but what stays irreplaceably human. In this fascinating episode, Cynthia Marks sits down with Dr. Vivienne Ming, a theoretical neuroscientist, serial entrepreneur, and self-described "professional mad scientist" whose work spans using machine learning to reunite refugee families and inventing AI to help manage her own son's diabetes. Drawing on her book Robot Proof: When Machines Have All the Answers, Build Better People, Vivienne makes a hopeful, deeply human case: the goal isn't artificial intelligence on its own, but hybrid intelligence — people and AI together, with the human firmly in the lead. Vivienne shares what decades of research reveal about the traits that actually predict a good life — curiosity, resilience, intellectual humility, and the courage to be wrong — and why those "foundation skills" matter more than ever now that the right answers are free in everyone's pocket. She and Cynthia explore how to use AI to make yourself sharper rather than lazier, the quiet cost of over-reliance, and why, in this moment in history, it's your unique voice that makes you valuable. Vivienne also shares her own remarkable story — from a childhood weighed down by impossible expectations to years of hardship, and the hard-won decision to build a life of meaning by making other people's lives better. It's a conversation that lands right at the heart of this show: that discovering and honoring who we truly are is how we thrive, in any age. This is And Now Love. Listen to your dreams and live from your heart. Please follow, rate, and share the podcast, and pass this episode along to someone who might need it.
What does profound healing look like in the real world? In this uplifting episode, Cynthia Marks sits down with Dr. Madison, an occupational therapist with UCLA Health's Operation Mend — a program providing life-changing, holistic care to our nation's wounded warriors and their caregivers, entirely free of charge. Madison works on the front lines of the brain-injury treatment program, helping veterans recover from both the visible and invisible wounds of war, including traumatic brain injury and PTSD. What makes Operation Mend so special is that it treats the whole person, not a medical checklist. Madison shares how her teaching kitchen becomes a "classroom for the brain," how the program uniquely cares for caregivers too, and how a multidisciplinary team, buddy volunteers, and an intensive two-week model help warriors rebuild trust in their own abilities and rediscover who they are beneath the trauma. Woven throughout is a theme close to this show's heart: that with respect, love, and community, people can move through even the deepest trauma and rewrite their stories. It's a moving, hopeful look at healing in action — and a reminder to thank those who've served. This is And Now Love. Listen to your dreams and live from your heart. Please follow, rate, and share the podcast, and pass this episode along to someone who might need it. To learn more, support the mission, or donate, visit the UCLA Operation Mend website, and explore the Wounded Warrior Project's Warrior Care Network to learn about their partner sites. Dr. Madison appears in a personal capacity. This episode is not affiliated with, endorsed by, or produced in partnership with UCLA Health or Operation Mend.
Twenty years ago, a life-saving scholarship brought Christina Simos through the doors of Friendly House — the first all-women's recovery home in the country. Today, she runs the whole place as CEO. In this powerful episode, Cynthia Marks sits down with Christina for a conversation about lived experience, radical equity, and reinventing what recovery can look like when it's built on love instead of rules. Christina shares her story with striking honesty — growing up inside the family disease of alcoholism, carrying generational trauma and the weight of being the "parental child," and the long, hard road that eventually led her, terrified, through the doors of the house that would change her life. Together, she and Cynthia explore why real healing can't happen on a 28-day clock, how community and sisterhood become the ground people rebuild on, and the belief at the center of Christina's work: my healing is your liberation, and your healing is mine. They talk about the remarkable 75-year legacy of Friendly House — just four executive directors across three-quarters of a century — meeting each woman exactly where she is, and the joy Christina has reclaimed in her music, her son, and yes, even championship dodgeball. It's a story of coming full circle, and a living example of what it means to lead with love. This is And Now Love. Listen to your dreams and live from your heart. Please follow, rate, and share the podcast, and pass this episode along to someone who might need it. To learn more, donate, volunteer, or find help, visit Friendly House LA online. Friendly House's 75th Anniversary Celebration takes place Saturday, October 17th at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel. This episode includes candid discussion of addiction and past suicidal thoughts, shared in the spirit of recovery and hope. If you or someone you love is struggling, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 by call or text at 988, and the SAMHSA National Helpline is at 1-800-662-4357.