Show Notes
After the unexpected death of a dear friend, I found myself doing what many of us do when faced with grief. I tried to stay strong. I tried to carry on. But it wasn't until I sat around a campfire with friends—sharing memories, expressing sadness, and listening to one another—that something began to shift. That experience got me thinking about listening. In a world increasingly shaped by social media algorithms, advertising, political polarisation, and the constant pressure to broadcast our opinions, genuine listening can feel surprisingly rare. Yet being heard remains one of the most powerful human experiences we can offer one another. In this episode, I explore listening as an act of compassion. We journey from ancient oral traditions and Indigenous storytelling, through Socrates, Confucius, Carl Rogers, and motivational interviewing, to consider why listening helps reduce defensiveness, soften threat, create connection, and transform isolation into belonging. Listening doesn't necessarily remove suffering. A grieving friend still grieves. A difficult situation may remain difficult. But when people feel heard, something important happens. We feel less alone. We feel understood. And sometimes, that's where healing begins. Timestamps: 00:00 Grief and the urge to hide 00:39 Healing through being heard 01:39 Listening as the core skill 02:07 A world that rewards noise 03:08 Listening across history 05:20 From waiting to real listening 05:56 Carl Rogers and empathy 07:20 Compassion begins with listening 08:19 How being heard changes us 09:57 Listening as a bridge in conflict 11:00 Motivational interviewing basics 11:40 What compassionate listening sounds like 12:35 Why listening matters now 13:28 The gift of listening Links: If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/
YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/5dQZymv8lp8
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What if happiness at work isn’t a perk, but something much more fundamental? In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, I speak with organisational happiness and wellbeing strategist Daniela Jinés about what it really means to be happy at work — and why happiness, compassion and human performance may be much more closely connected than we realise. Daniela shares her remarkable journey from law and human rights into humanitarian work and organisational happiness, including the personal health crisis that forced her to reconsider how she was working and leading. We explore happiness not simply as pleasure or positivity, but as something connected to self-awareness, purpose, relationships, safety and the way we treat ourselves and others. We also explore the pressures built into modern working life — threat, drive, burnout and our relentless focus on productivity — and ask whether responsibility for wellbeing sits with individual workers or with the organisations around them. Daniela makes the provocative case for happiness at work as a human right, while also acknowledging how difficult systemic change can be. Along the way, we discuss the hedonic treadmill, the neuroscience of happiness, compassionate leadership, Daniela’s HAND Model, self-compassion and the inner critic, and the small everyday actions that can help us create happier and more compassionate workplaces. Again and again, the conversation comes back to one deceptively simple starting point: self-awareness. Timestamps: 00:00 Welcome to Compassion in a T-Shirt 01:20 How did happiness become your life’s work? 05:25 What do we actually mean by happiness? 11:40 What role do self-awareness and self-empathy play? 15:20 What gets in the way of happiness at work? 18:15 Are our workplaces built around threat and drive? 27:40 Is burnout an individual or organisational problem? 30:40 Have we become too focused on productivity? 36:35 What is the HAND Model? 45:15 How can we make work happier and more compassionate? Links: Find Daniela Jinés at her website: https://happyorganizations.org/ If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/
Why do painful experiences sometimes spiral into shame and harsh self-criticism? In this excerpt from my conversation with clinical psychologist Dr Chris Irons, we explore a powerful idea in Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT): the Third Arrow. Building on the traditional Buddhist teaching of the Two Arrows, Chris explains how Paul Gilbert recognised an additional layer of suffering that many of us experience—shame and self-criticism about our pain. Together we explore how shame can trap us in a "bubble" of threat, why reconnection often takes courage, the qualities of the compassionate self, the difference between internal and external shame, and how compassionate inquiry can help us respond to suffering with greater wisdom, strength and care. This is one of my favourite moments from our full conversation and beautifully captures the heart of Compassion Focused Therapy. If you enjoy this excerpt, be sure to watch the complete interview with Chris Irons on the channel. https://youtu.be/mfK3XBCWQWg And I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Which idea resonated most with you? Timestamps: 00:00 The Third Arrow 00:18 The Buddhist Two Arrows 01:08 Paul Gilbert's Third Arrow 01:45 Shame, Self-Criticism and the Bubble 02:40 Why CFT Attends to All Three Arrows 03:40 Reconnection Takes Courage 04:45 The Compassionate Self 05:50 Who's Walking the Dog? 06:50 Internal and External Shame 07:55 Compassionate Inquiry Links: If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/
I think this interview speaks to anyone who has ever wondered whether success has come at too great a cost. After building a successful legal career, Clarissa Rayward reached a point where she dreaded driving to work. Rather than walking away from the profession she loved, she chose a different path—one that led her to rethink success, embrace self-compassion, and ultimately create Happy Lawyer Happy Life. In this conversation, Clarissa shares the deeply personal story behind that turning point, the lessons she learned from burnout and grief, and how those experiences transformed the way she practises family law, leads her team, and lives her life. Together, we explore self-compassion, perfectionism, courage, receiving help, redefining success, and why genuine wellbeing isn't about lowering our standards but creating a life that's sustainable. We also dive into some fascinating questions about compassion in the legal profession. Can compassion exist within an adversarial system? What happens when we shift from asking, "Who's right?" to "What really matters?" Clarissa explains how collaborative practice, curiosity and deep listening are changing the way she helps families navigate separation and conflict. Towards the end of our conversation, we also explore the rise of artificial intelligence and why, despite extraordinary technological change, genuinely listening to another person may become even more valuable. It was particularly meaningful when Clarissa reflected on what it felt like to simply be listened to—a timely reminder that compassion often begins not with advice, but with understanding. Whether you're a lawyer, psychologist, healthcare professional, leader, parent, or simply someone trying to build a meaningful life, I think you'll find something valuable in Clarissa's wisdom. If you enjoy conversations exploring compassion, wellbeing and human flourishing, I'd love you to subscribe to the channel and join us for future interviews and video essays. Connect with Clarissa Rayward Happy Lawyer Happy Life https://www.happylawyerhappylife.com/ Podcast https://open.spotify.com/show/6Swqki7ooLQ8fDV1AlhXsY Book https://www.happylawyerhappylife.com/thebook/ Brisbane Family Law Centre https://www.bflc.com.au/ Timestamps: 00:00 Introduction 02:05 The burnout that changed everything 08:30 Early warning signs and perfectionism 13:20 Self-compassion and asking for help 20:00 Redefining success 27:45 The three flows of compassion 34:15 Compassion in family law 41:30 Changing the legal profession 44:45 AI, listening and staying human 47:30 What really matters in life 50:10 Closing reflections 23:47 Final Takeaways Links: If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/
What if the most powerful listening skill isn't asking better questions—but making better reflections? In this episode of Compassion in a T-Shirt, Dr. Stan Steindl explores one of the core skills of compassionate communication: reflective listening. Drawing on Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), Motivational Interviewing (MI), and the work of Carl Rogers, you'll learn how reflections help people feel understood, organise their thoughts, discover deeper meaning, and often arrive at their own insights. Using the metaphor of an ordinary mirror versus a magic mirror, this episode explains why reflections are far more than repeating someone's words. They become a compassionate way of helping people understand themselves. Whether you're a therapist, coach, healthcare professional, leader, teacher, parent, partner, or simply someone who wants to become a better listener, these practical skills can transform your conversations. If this video was helpful, I'd love for you to like, subscribe, and share it with someone who values meaningful conversations. Small changes in the way we listen can make an enormous difference to the people around us. Timestamps: 00:00 Surface vs Deep Talk 01:06 Questions vs Reflections 02:46 What Is a Reflection? 04:38 Simple Reflections 06:07 Complex Reflection Magic 08:03 Reflecting Feelings 11:38 Reflecting Meaning 14:33 Choosing What to Reflect 16:22 Special Reflection Types 19:50 Drop the Reflection Stems 21:05 Putting It All Together 22:27 Compassion in Action 23:47 Final Takeaways Links: If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/
Most of us think good listening means staying quiet. But great listeners do something else as well—they ask better questions. When someone is struggling, it's natural to want to offer advice, share our own experience, or tell them what we think they should do. But what if, instead of giving another answer, we asked another question? In this episode, I explore one of the most powerful listening skills I know: Ask, Don't Tell. Drawing on compassion, motivational interviewing, and over 25 years of clinical psychology, I'll show you how turning advice into thoughtful questions can help people discover their own wisdom, strengthen relationships, and create deeper, more meaningful conversations. You'll also learn a practical framework of eight different question types—from opening and exploring questions through to strength, possibility and commitment questions—that you can start using immediately in everyday life, whether you're a parent, partner, friend, leader, coach, therapist or simply someone who wants to listen more compassionately. If you've ever wondered how to become a better listener, it might start with asking better questions. Timestamps: 00:00 A childhood question I never forgot 00:50 Why good questions matter so much 01:30 Ask, don't tell: a simple listening shift 02:28 Turning advice into thoughtful questions 03:22 The motivational interviewing mindset 04:19 Open versus closed questions 05:34 Eight question types for better listening 05:52 Opening, exploring and clarifying questions 06:47 Perspective and balancing questions 07:27 Strength, possibility and commitment questions 08:51 Avoiding advice disguised as questions 09:36 The quiet power of curiosity Links: If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/ Say hi on social: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drstansteindl Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/StanSteindl Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr_stan_steindl/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-steindl-150a5264/ Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/