Show Notes
There’s a moment many of us know well: your partner says no, and you really wanted them to say yes. In this episode of Codependency Alchemy, I walk through a real-life moment from my relationship with Justin where his “no” triggered old patterns of control, guilt, and self-abandonment. I share more about what I wish I had done differently. This isn’t about forcing agreement or suppressing your needs. It’s about learning how to respect your partner’s autonomy without making their “no” mean something about you… Oh, and without abandoning yourself in the process. What you’ll learn in this episode: * Why your partner’s no can feel so personal * How covert control and guilt show up in relationships * The difference between boundaries and power struggles * Why taking responsibility for your partner creates resentment * How to stay on the same side of the problem instead of “me vs. you” This episode is for you if… * You get triggered when your partner says no * You tend to take responsibility for other people’s choices * You struggle with resentment or over-functioning * You’re healing codependency or the mother wound Your invitation… As you listen and reflect on similar moments in your own relationship, you might contemplate: What am I making my partner’s no mean about me? What am I making their choice mean about our relationship? I invite you to share your reflections in the comments. Join the Community If this episode resonates, you’re invited to continue these conversations inside the Codependency Alchemy membership— a space where we practice witnessing the parts of us we neglect, or reject, building safety in our bodies through nervous system and somatic work, and generational healing together. Click here to join or learn more Subscribe over on Substack
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This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit alyssaaazander.substack.com
Are you really good at taking care of everyone else... but wildly uncomfortable when someone tries to take care of you? In this episode, I'm sharing what happened when Justin told me, “I'm going to take care of you,” and instead of simply feeling loved, it brought up fears around dependence, losing my freedom, being a burden, and eventually being resented. We talk about hyper-independence, overfunctioning, the need to be needed, and what it can look like to stop carrying everything yourself and let the people who love you actually support you. This episode is for you if… * You’re the person everyone describes as strong. * You rarely ask for help because you can probably just do it yourself. * You deeply want to feel supported in your relationships but notice yourself becoming uncomfortable when someone actually steps in. * You worry about being needy, dependent, or a burden. Or you’ve ever thought: If I need too much from someone, eventually they might resent me for it. Your invitation… Take a moment to write the following shadow work prompt in the comments: “If I let someone take care of me, then…” (what am I afraid will happen?) Notice what comes to mind, and write it out. And if you want to go another layer deeper: If that happened, what would I make it mean about me? You don’t have to share what you write if you don’t want to, but I would love for you to at least give yourself the opportunity to witness what’s there by writing it for yourself. If you want support practicing this in real time, the Codependency Alchemy membership is where we go deeper through live Shadow Work + Inner Child Healing sessions, monthly AMAs, community support, and our full library of guided practices that will help you learn how to build safe and secure relationships. → Click here to learn more and subscribe on Substack