Show Notes
Existential Kink, BDSM, and Reclaiming Intimacy: with Tina Estrella Certified existential kink coach and former professional dominatrix Tina Estrella shares her path from years of substance abuse, self-harm, and misdiagnoses to discovering she’s on the AuDHD spectrum and shifting toward nervous-system-informed, somatic, parts-based work. She recounts a pivotal “bathroom floor” moment—hearing a clear inner voice ask, “Tina, what are you doing?”—that sparked self-responsibility and a rapid decision to stop destructive behaviours, despite the social upheaval of reinventing her life. The conversation explores her BDSM work (starting as a professional sub, later domme), emphasizing consent, boundaries, and how submission can feel freeing—especially for people burdened by constant control and productivity. Tina explains existential kink as a parts-based, meditative practice of finding the hidden “turn-on” in unwanted patterns so they lose charge in real life. They discuss how societal norms, patriarchy, and productivity culture shape shame around sex and identity, why many relationships struggle with “should,” and the need to build skills for uncomfortable conversations about desire. Tina highlights pleasure practice, self-knowledge, and nervous system care as foundations for better intimacy, and envisions intimacy becoming increasingly moment-to-moment, self-approved, and quality-focused. 00:00 Meet Tina Estrella: Existential Kink Coach & Former Dominatrix 01:12 Teen Years, Family Roots & Feeling ‘There’s More’ 02:47 Misdiagnoses, ADHD Realization & Why Labels Can Trap You 05:26 The Bathroom-Floor Wake-Up Call: “Tina, What Are You Doing?” 10:32 From ‘Why Me?’ to ‘What Am I Doing?’—A Practical Path Out of Loops 12:29 Quitting Addictions Fast: Closing the Door & Reinventing Your Life 15:05 Sober in the Club: Identity, Energy, and Not Needing Substances 18:41 Entering BDSM Professionally: From Sub to Domme (and Why It Helped) 24:33 Why Submission Can Feel Like Freedom: Yin/Yang, Presence & Permission 31:19 From Dungeon to Coaching: Training, Skillsets & Building the Practice 34:39 What ‘Existential Kink’ Means: The Origin Story & Money Patterns 37:32 Meditation for ‘Existential Dread’ Kink: Let the Charge Fizzle Out 38:54 Why Society Labels Us ‘Broken’: Control, Capitalism & Suppressed Authenticity 43:44 Redefining Success Beyond GDP: Rest, Joy, and Real Productivity 45:28 IFS Meets Intimacy: Performance, ‘Shoulds’ & Talking About What You Want 49:30 Uncomfortable Conversations as a Skill: Timing, Practice & Coaching Support 54:22 Redefining Sex as Pleasure: Consent Culture, Boundaries & Better Sex Education 01:01:59 Know Thyself: Nervous System Care, Pleasure Practice & Sexual Blueprints 01:07:55 When Pleasure Opens Old Pain: Feminine Conditioning, Tears During Sex & Power of Sexual Energy 01:10:25 Tattoos, Grounding, and a 10-Year Vision for Intimacy (Closing) https://tina-estrella.com/ https://linktr.ee/tinaestrella
More from The Intimacy Inquiry
Shoshanna Blanca, also known as Jesus Christ Pornstar, returns for a deeper conversation. She now describes herself as one of several Messiahs and talks about moving between several identities, including what she describes as a past life as Mary Magdalene. She and Andrew talk about the psychedelic ceremonies that she says first revealed this material to her, why she believes organised religion became "sex negative," reclaiming words like "whore" and "slut," and a pattern she describes in highly sensitive people she calls "sons and daughters of God." They also discuss body image, small acts of everyday kindness as a spiritual practice, and what she means by "Christ consciousness" in ordinary human relationships. This episode discusses extensive psychedelic drug use, explicit sexuality, and religious and messianic beliefs candidly and is intended for a mature audience. Guest: Shoshanna Blanca/Suzannah Weiss (AKA Jesus Christ Pornstar), sex writer, performer, sexologist, therapist https://linktr.ee/shoshannalovesjesus https://onlyfans.com/shoshannablanca https://onlyfans.com/uncoveringeve Host: Andrew Phipps, Intimacy Inquiry
Olivia Dydyna is a certified sex, love and relationship coach, Theta Healing practitioner, and couples tantric sex coach based in Miami, currently living on Bali time. For six years she's worked with men, women and couples on sex, intimacy and embodiment. She's the creator of her own breathwork method, which has guided over 700 people, and co-author of the bestseller We Are the Sacred Feminine Rising. Olivia and Andrew talk about the sexual shame she carried from a Roman Catholic upbringing and years of people-pleasing, the breathwork experience that changed how she understood her own sexuality, and why presence, not technique, is what actually creates connection. They also cover ongoing consent, where porn helps and where it distorts expectations, and the sexual trauma so many women carry for decades before ever naming it. This episode discusses sexuality, shame, consent and sexual trauma candidly and is intended for a mature audience. Guest: Olivia Dydyna, certified sex, love and relationship coach, Theta Healing practitioner, couples tantric sex coach https://www.oliviadydyna.com/ https://www.oliviadydyna.com/blog/doing-fine-not-the-same-as-free Host: Andrew Phipps, Intimacy Inquiry @theintimacyinquiry
Professional dominatrix Porcelain Victoria, who hosts the podcast Behind the Paddle and runs her own dungeon in Scotland, joins Andrew Phipps for a frank conversation about a decade in kink. She talks about discovering BDSM as a self-taught teenager, the accidental booking that turned her into a professional dominant, and why she found the same relief in consensual spanking that she once found in self-harm. The conversation covers aftercare, the emotional demands of the job, what clients are really looking for when they hand over control, and a detailed, sobering look at UK sex work law and the case against the Nordic model. Warm, unflinching and genuinely educational. Guest: Porcelain Victoria, Behind the Paddle podcast. https://porcelaindolly.co.uk/ https://www.youtube.com/@BehindthePaddle/videos Host: Andrew Phipps.
Certified sexologist and sex coach Jenn Mason, founder of the inclusive Bellingham sex shop Wink Wink and an elected member of the Bellingham School Board, joins Andrew Phipps to talk about pleasure after trauma, the sex education most of us never got, and why she believes a solo pleasure practice matters as much as a partnered one. The conversation ranges from the impossible gap between a puritanical culture and unlimited online pornography, through desire in long, logistics heavy relationships, to the sex education gap in midlife and beyond. Honest, funny and genuinely useful. Guest: Jenn Mason, Wink Wink, Bellingham, Washington. https://www.heyjennmason.com/ https://winkwinkboutique.com/ Host: Andrew Phipps.
Dr Lori Davis, a Doctor of Nursing Practice, AASECT certified sex counsellor and Relational Life Therapy coach, joins Andrew Phipps to unpack why she's banned the word "sex" from her own practice, and why what most couples call "mismatched desire" is better understood as a desire bind, a shared dynamic rather than one partner's fault. The conversation ranges across menopause and hormone therapy, the somatic roots of shame and desire, pornography's "fast food" effect, and whether monogamy is really the natural default it's assumed to be. Honest, warm and genuinely practical. Guest: Dr Lori Davis, sex counsellor and relational therapy coach. https://dr-loridavis.com/ Host: Andrew Phipps. https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrew-phipps-ap/