Show Notes
In this episode of Connected Parenting, we dive into a powerful visual and verbal tool that helps kids regulate their behavior and emotions called the "Stoplight Technique" (also known as Red Light, Green Light).
As parents, one of our greatest challenges is guiding our kids through big feelings and impulsive behavior without losing our own cool. That’s where this simple yet effective method comes in.
Listen in to hear me explain how the stoplight framework teaches children cause and effect, emotional regulation, and personal accountability, all in a way that’s age-appropriate and easy to apply at home or in the classroom.
It gives them a clear visual anchor to understand what’s expected, and when things need to pause or shift.
You’ll also learn how to modify the strategy for teenagers (because let’s be honest, a red light chart on the fridge might not go over so well at 15), and why this tool can be just as helpful for you as the parent.
Whether your child struggles with emotional outbursts, transitions, or impulsive behavior, this episode offers a compassionate, practical way to build emotional intelligence together.
Jennifer's Takeaways:
Red Light, Green Light Technique Overview (00:00) Explanation of Red Light, Green Light Behaviors (01:05) Handling Yellow Light Behaviors (03:01) Applying the Technique to Teenagers (06:57) Using the Technique for Consistency and Flexibility (11:36)
Meet Jennifer Kolari
Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in the US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.
Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.
Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.
Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.
One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).
More from Connected Parenting
Summer camp is often thought of as a place for outdoor adventures, campfires, and lifelong friendships but its impact goes far beyond creating happy memories. In this replay episode, Jennifer explores why summer camp can be one of the most powerful experiences for a child's emotional, social, and personal development.
Today’s episode comes from our Q&A series, where I respond to real parenting questions from listeners.
As the busy school year winds down, summer opens the door to something we often miss, space to slow down, breathe, and truly reconnect with our kids.
In this special guest interview episode, Jennifer sits down with Barrie Farivar, founder of Leaf, a private voice app created to help families capture and preserve the everyday moments that often become our most treasured memories. After spending 15 years at Google and YouTube, Barrie set out to build something centered on connection rather than performance, creating a simple way for families to record conversations, bedtime stories, car rides, family history, and the voices of loved ones without interrupting the moment itself. This episode is a beautiful reminder that the memories we cherish most are often the ordinary, unscripted moments that happen every day, and that preserving them can become a meaningful gift for generations to come.
Many parents notice something surprising after family life begins to improve. Their child is calmer, relationships are stronger, and the home feels more peaceful, yet they still feel anxious, unsettled, or like they’re waiting for something to go wrong.