I Studied Identity for Years... and Had No Idea I Didn't Have One

Someone tells you something you said didn’t bother them but their face said something different. Days later, maybe years later, you’re still replaying that moment, trying to figure it out. That isn’t you being too sensitive. It’s your brain trying to close a loop that never got closed. In this episode, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. explores why late-diagnosed and late-identified neurodivergent adults experience more moments of misattunement and why so many of them become moments we can't let go. High-resolution perception, the double empathy problem, and masking all raise the odds of a miss. Many of us also never learned repair growing up, so those moments stay open. The goal isn’t to stop noticing. It’s to build relationships, including the one with yourself, where missteps get resolved instead of replayed. Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights! Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

What happens when everyone in a family is masking, and nobody knows it? Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. and Russ explore how late diagnosis reveals patterns of behavior that run through generations. Neurodivergence is highly heritable, so when you look to your family to figure out what’s “normal,” you may be comparing yourself to people who are masking the same traits. Children learn to mask by watching the adults around them and attachment built between two masks is compromised from the start. This episode covers how masking gets passed down, why gender expectations kept so many women from being diagnosed, how fawning and contingent love take root, and why loving someone isn’t the same as seeing them. It also makes clear that this is not about blaming parents. Most were doing their best without the understanding to do otherwise. Most importantly, it’s about cycle breaking: what repair looks like, how small shifts change what the next generation inherits, and why understanding your neurotype is part of that work. Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights! Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

You can be loved, cared for, and in a relationship that functions well... and still feel like no one quite gets you. If that sounds familiar, masking may be part of the reason. Attunement means being perceived accurately and responded to in real time. It is the "you get me" feeling that builds safety and belonging. But attunement only works when there is a genuine signal to tune into. When you have spent years presenting a masked version of yourself, the people around you are attuning to the performance. Their care is real. It is just aimed at someone who isn't fully you. In this episode, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. explores how masking disrupts attunement in both directions, why near-misses can hurt more than obvious rejection, and how you can start resyncing your relationships without burning everything down. The client story shared in this episode was shared with permission. Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights! Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

You can tell your boss is irritated before they say a word. You know when your partner is off, what your kids need, and which comment will set off the meeting. But when someone asks how you're doing, you go blank. In this episode, Dr. Regina McMenomy, Ph.D. launches a series on psychological attunement, the experience of feeling seen and how a late diagnosis shapes it. Many late-diagnosed and late-identified neurodivergent adults are highly attuned to other people. But much of that watching grew out of hypervigilance: years of getting things wrong without knowing why turned reading people into a safety system. From the outside, scanning for threats and connecting through curiosity can look the same. From the inside, one connects you and the other drains you. Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights! Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.

You said yes to fun social plans on Monday. Then Saturday night arrives and the version of you who has to follow through has nothing left in the tank. Welcome to something Dr. Regina McMenomy Ph.D. likes to call capacity optimism: the confident belief that future you will have the resources to keep the promises present you makes. In this episode, Dr. Regina explores why neurodivergent adults are especially prone to overcommitting. She draws on behavioral economist George Loewenstein's empathy gap, the finding that people in one physical or emotional state struggle to predict how they'll think, feel, or act in another. For late-diagnosed and late-identified neurodivergent folks, that gap gets wider based on several factors. Sign up for N.E.R.D. Notes and get weekly nerdy neurodivergent insights! Chat with Regina on Instagram @drreginaphd Book a Make it Make Sense Call with Regina About Dr. Regina McMenomy, PhD Regina is a neurodivergent coach and educator who helps late-diagnosed adults unmask, heal from burnout, and build lives aligned with how their brains work. She founded Divergent Paths Consulting to provide the type of coaching and support that late-diagnosed nerdy neurodivergent folks need after receiving their late diagnoses.