Ep 21 - Everybody Self-Soothes: You're Not Broken—You're Wired with Kerene and Philly

What if addiction isn't just about substances… but about what we reach for when life feels hard, empty, overwhelming, or just a bit too much? In this honest, fascinating, and occasionally mind-bending conversation, I sit down with psychotherapist and Addiction Specialist Tommy Benefield to talk about addiction, recovery, trauma, psychedelics, and the deeper human search underneath all of it. Tommy shares his own story of addiction and recovery, his cautious path into ayahuasca and plant medicine, and why healing isn't always calm, blissful, or a "good trip." This is a conversation about relief, escape, consciousness, distress tolerance, and what people may really be looking for when they reach for something outside themselves. In this episode, we explore: Tommy's personal history with addiction and recovery Why addiction often starts as a solution before it becomes a problem The role of guilt, values, and your inner compass Why some people feel more internal conflict around addiction than others Why psychedelics are not a magic bullet Why "bad trips" may not actually be bad at all The idea that addiction may be less about wanting a fix… and more about wanting connection Why distress intolerance matters more than most of us realise The role of integration after psychedelic experiences What might sit underneath the coping A few standout ideas: Addiction often begins as an attempt to soothe, regulate, or escape discomfort The things we reach for aren't always the problem — sometimes they're the clue Freedom isn't needing life to feel good all the time. It's being able to stay with yourself when it doesn't Why insight without integration doesn't change much Books, thinkers, and ideas mentioned Michael Pollan – How to Change Your Mind Christopher Bache – LSD and the Mind of the Universe Ram Dass Eckhart Tolle The Bhagavad Gita Default Mode Network (DMN) 12-step recovery Trauma, distress tolerance, and integration Final thought If you've ever found yourself asking: "Why can't I stop?" This conversation invites a more useful question: "What am I actually needing when I reach?" To contact Tommy Benefield, go to his website https://tommytherapy.com/

Show Notes: In this special episode, Kerene reflects on the journey (23 conversations diving deep into addiction, behaviour change, and what it means to be human). She shares her biggest takeaways: that addiction isn't just about substances – it's about our need to numb, to avoid, and to self-soothe in a world that says "be happy" at all costs. Hear excerpts from past episodes that cracked her open. She reminds us that real change begins not with white-knuckling or shame, but with curiosity, compassion, and the willingness to feel. This episode isn't a farewell – it's a pause while Kerene writes her book, deepens her coaching work, and percolates what might come next. Key message: Addiction isn't a moral failing – it's a survival strategy built into us all. We're wired to seek comfort and relief. The trouble begins when self-soothing turns into self-harm. The first step to freedom? Seeing that truth together. Connect with Kerene: Website - mindfulatwork.co.nz LinkedIn - Kerene Strochnetter Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/kerene_strochnetter

In this refreshingly raw and witty episode, Lotta Dann—author, sobriety advocate, and anti-diet warrior—talks about the tangled web of body image, addiction, and freedom from toxic cultural norms. Lotta unpacks the truth behind diet culture and shares her own vulnerable journey from extreme dieting to empowered body acceptance. We discuss: Lotta's Wake-Up Call No big bang—just a slow anti-diet awakening via social media Her "aha" moment: realising diet culture is a lie built on profit and control The Addiction Crossover How her battle with alcohol and diet culture shares common roots Emotional coping, control, and the myth of "healthy" restriction "When self-soothing becomes self-harm"—the turning point Inside Diet Culture's Dirty Lies Diets don't work—most people regain the weight (plus some!) Fat ≠ unhealthy; health at every size is real The billion-dollar shame machine keeps us hooked The Recovery Shift From thigh gaps to food freedom: Lotta's personal healing Learning to eat what she wants—without guilt, without obsession Mindfulness and awareness as superpowers in recovery Shame and the Inner Critic A jaw-dropping reading from her journal: brutal self-talk laid bare Humour, honesty, and mindfulness to disarm the shame cycle Practical Tools & Advice Daily habits: challenge negative thoughts, ditch the scales, unfollow toxic accounts Morning pages (a la Julia Cameron) for mental decluttering Surround yourself with anti-diet practitioners and media Choose movement for strength, not weight loss Standout Quotes "My life was diminished down to two sets of scales—one for my body, one for my food." "The pants aren't wrong for not fitting your body—your body isn't wrong for not fitting the pants." "Diet culture is noisy—because it's hungry." "Sobriety is a gift that keeps on giving." Resources & Mentions Lotta's book: Mrs. D is Not on a Diet Website: Living Sober Movement: Health at Every Size (HAES) Book: The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron Anti-diet dietitians and social media (found at the end of Lotta's book) Final Thought This episode is a gentle yet fierce invitation to disentangle yourself from the shame spiral and reclaim your body, mind, and joy. Whether you've ever counted calories or counted drinks, Lotta's message hits home: You are enough, just as you are.

Episode Overview: In this deeply moving episode, I speak with Izzy, a young woman in recovery from meth addiction, and her fiercely loyal mum, Lisa. Together, they peel back the layers of chaos, courage, love and connection. Life Before Addiction Izzy shares how her growing dependency on meth began. Emotional suppression and disconnection paved the way for substance use. Lisa reflects on the challenges of seeing your child in pain. The Chaos of Addiction – Living in the Messy Middle Izzy describes the raw realities of life gripped by addiction: shame, secrecy, and survival. The breakdown of trust, daily crises, and the toll on family relationships. Lisa talks about the balance between boundaries and compassion. Turning Point – The Spark of Change The moment Izzy realised she wanted more than just survival. How self-awareness became her first real tool for transformation. Lisa's role: to love Izzy while letting her take responsibility. Tools for Recovery – Regulating the Storm Izzy shares the importance of self-love. Rebuilding trust with others—and with herself. Community, structure, and professional support are non-negotiables. A New Chapter – From Addiction to Advocacy Izzy is now thriving and training to become a support worker. Her mission? To help others feel seen, safe, and supported, just like she needed. Lisa reflects on how this experience changed her understanding of love and strength. Key Takeaways: Addiction affects the whole family, but so does recovery. Healing is messy, non-linear, and absolutely worth it. Support doesn't mean fixing—it means staying. Self-love is the foundation for long-term change. Links mentioned: Narcotics Anonymous Brave Hearts NZ Facebook Watershed Addictions Facebook NZ P-Pull

David Hanna is a fifth-generation Tangata Tiriti (people of the Treaty), a leader in community-led development, and the director of Wesley Community Action. This conversation delved into addiction, trauma, social systems, and how grassroots initiatives can bring about meaningful change. David challenges us to rethink how we address addiction, not just as an individual issue but as a symptom of broader systemic challenges. We discussed: The Role of Compassion and Judgment in Leadership David shares insights into his leadership philosophy, emphasising the importance of working at multiple levels of the system—from community practitioners to government ministers. He highlights the necessity of compassion without judgment and the dangers of "othering" marginalised groups. Overcoming Bias A personal story about overcoming judgment that led to a discussion about unconscious bias, social conditioning, and the importance of openness and curiosity. The Real Cost of Systemic Issues Spending on negative investment—prisons, addiction treatment, and care systems—rather than proactive community support. He argues that a healed society would redirect resources toward arts, environmental restoration, and whānau well-being. Addiction: A Response to Trauma David reinforces the idea that addiction is often a coping mechanism for trauma. Highlighting the spectrum of addictions, from substance abuse to socially accepted addictions like workaholism. Childhood adversity and the intergenerational impact of trauma. A Grassroots Solution: The Walk-In Initiative David shares the inspiring story of a community-led initiative where people affected by meth addiction create safe spaces to support each other. This grassroots effort has become a national movement, offering judgment-free support for individuals and whānau. Looking Up the Microscope: Self-Reflection on Privilege David introduces the concept of "looking up the microscope", a practice where individuals in privileged positions reflect on their family history, wealth, and inherited trauma. This initiative fosters self-awareness and a deeper understanding of systemic inequities. The Role of Māori Knowledge in Healing David emphasised how Te Ao Māori offers valuable wisdom in addressing social issues. He highlighted how integrating Māori perspectives into mainstream society benefits everyone and is an area where New Zealand is leading globally. The Power of Presence and Balance Discussing the neuroscience of addiction and modern society's obsession with growth, David argues that a balance between action and reflection is crucial. He advocates for slowing down, creating space for self-awareness, and fostering a culture that values relationships over relentless productivity. Final Thoughts and How to Support Wesley Community Action David closes by inviting listeners to explore Wesley Community Action's work at www.wesleyca.org.nz. He encourages involvement in Just Change, an initiative that fosters learning and action for systemic change. Connect with Kerene: Website – Mindful at Work LinkedIn - Kerene Strochnetter Instagram – Kerene_strochnetter Facebook – Mindful at Work