Welcome to The Smart Mom's Guide to Divorce

If the thought of co-parenting with your ex fills you with dread, especially when even a simple text can trigger anxiety or turn into conflict, this episode is for you. Hearing one father speak candidly about what went wrong, what began to change, and what he wishes he had understood earlier may challenge some of your assumptions and make calmer communication after divorce feel more possible. Todd Bracher spent three and a half years navigating a divorce while still living with his former wife and trying to remain present for their two children. He shares what the process looked like from his perspective, how the divorce system sometimes intensified their conflict, and why good intentions were not always enough to keep their communication from falling into familiar patterns. This is not a story about one person being right and the other being wrong. It is an honest conversation about the fear, defensiveness, emotional triggers, and unresolved history that can make co-parenting communication feel so difficult, even when both parents love their children and want what is best for them. Todd also describes the anxiety he felt whenever a message from his former wife appeared on his phone, never knowing whether it would contain a simple question or something emotionally loaded. That experience eventually led him to develop a communication tool intended to help other co-parents avoid some of the stress and anxiety he experienced during the early stages of co-parenting. CHAPTERS 00:00 Navigating Emotional Turmoil in Texts 02:31 Understanding the Challenges of Divorce Communication 05:20 Internal Struggles During the Decision to Divorce 10:28 The Divorce Process: A Father’s Perspective 12:51 Fairness, Blame, and Feeling Like the Villain 21:35 How the Divorce Process Can Fuel Conflict 27:52 Holding On to Your Values During Divorce 32:16 Lessons Learned & Parenting Plans 37:19 The Experience That Inspired a New Communication Tool 41:56 Breaking Automatic Communication Patterns 48:37 Taking the Emotional Charge Out of Messages 53:51 Embracing Change & New Traditions 01:00:23 A Message for Struggling Moms DISCLAIMER Every marriage, divorce, and co-parenting relationship is different. This episode shares personal experiences and perspectives for general educational purposes only and is not intended to provide legal, financial, mental health, medical, or other professional advice. Please seek guidance from qualified professionals who can address the specific circumstances of your situation. RESOURCES MENTIONED Clearly Co-Parenting App https://getclearly.app/ Harvard Negotiation Project and Principled Negotiation https://www.pon.harvard.edu/research_projects/harvard-negotiation-project/hnp/ Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher, William Ury, and Bruce Patton https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Yes-Negotiating-Agreement-Without/dp/0143118757 Chris Voss and The Black Swan Group https://www.blackswanltd.com/ Bill Eddy’s BIFF Method for Responding to Hostile Messages https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/biff/ Books by Yung Pueblo https://yungpueblo.com/ The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748 The Power of Now and A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle https://eckharttolle.com/books/

Whether you’re a mom considering divorce, in the middle of it, or already building your next chapter, this conversation will help you make more informed decisions about your money and your future. Financial advisor Wendy West shares practical tips and money-saving strategies you can put into action, even if you’ve never handled the finances, including an often-overlooked detail that could affect the people you want to protect. The financial impact of divorce can last long after the paperwork is signed, and the pressure to move on can make it difficult to see beyond what you need right now. When you’re emotionally exhausted or facing unfamiliar financial decisions, knowing which questions to ask can help you protect more than your immediate peace of mind. Wendy and I explore the tension between wanting relief today and creating stability for tomorrow. We talk about understanding your financial picture, recognizing decisions that can have lasting consequences, and finding your footing when money feels overwhelming. Whether you’re preparing for a change, working through a settlement, or revisiting decisions you’ve already made, you’ll come away with a clearer sense of what deserves your attention and where to begin. Chapters 00:00 Understanding Financial Preparedness in Divorce 01:54 The Role of Financial Advisors for Women in Transition 04:15 Common Financial Mistakes & Understanding Your Finances 08:17 Identifying Financial Assets & Liabilities 11:39 Building an Emergency Fund 14:42 Managing Debt, Hidden Assets, and Budgeting Strategies 27:00 When Emotions Drive Financial Decisions 30:43 Retirement Accounts and Planning Beyond Support Payments 34:28 Key Do’s and Don’ts for Financial Stability 36:24 Investing and Estate Planning **This conversation is for general education only and does not constitute legal or financial advice. Please consult your own financial advisor and attorney for advice about your specific circumstances. Find & Contact Wendy West: Website: https://www.wwfinancialgroup.com Email: [email protected] Office: 815.762.5500 Find & Follow Brooke on: Website: http://alifereimagined.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brooketalksdivorce TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@brooketalksdivorce Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/brooketalksdivorce LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/brooke-gaston/ Blog: http://alifereimagined.com/divorce-blog-for-moms Divorce Support Resources: http://alifereimagined.com/resources Free Divorce Guides: https://alifereimagined.com/freebies/

Navigating a high-conflict divorce with a controlling spouse can leave you afraid to stand up for yourself, and exhausted from trying to keep the peace.

When your marriage ends, you aren’t only grieving the relationship. You may also be grieving the future you pictured, the family traditions you expected to keep, friendships that changed, financial security, time with your children, and parts of yourself you may not even realize you lost. In this honest, reflective, and genuinely fun conversation, I sit down with Liz, a divorced mom of three and certified grief professional, to talk about what grief after divorce really looks like for moms and children. We talk about why grief doesn’t follow five neat stages, why feelings can resurface around graduations and other family milestones, and how children may express grief in different ways. Liz also shares how she made room for her sons’ feelings without trying to fix them, found support when no one in her close circle was divorced, and learned to stop spending her energy trying to make other people understand her decisions. This is also a very real conversation about crying in the car, learning to say less to your ex, becoming the “token divorced woman” in the room, and occasionally announcing your divorce with jazz hands because you have no idea how else to say it. If you are worried about your children, struggling with the life you didn’t expect, or wondering why certain losses still hit you long after the divorce began, I hope this episode helps you understand what you’re feeling and reminds you that you don’t have to rush through it. Your life may not look the way you once imagined. That doesn’t mean it can’t still be beautiful. **This conversation can also help family and friends understand how to support someone grieving a divorce, death, or other significant loss, even when they aren’t sure what to say. CHAPTERS 00:00 The Truth About Grief After Divorce 01:45 What a Grieving Person Actually Needs 06:31 Navigating Divorce: The Decision to Leave 08:56 Finding People Who Truly Understand 13:32 Fining Support: Community and Connection 15:19 Surviving the Early Days as a Mom 20:59 Grieving the Future You Thought You’d Have 23:52 The Hidden Losses That Come With Divorce 28:01 How Adults and Children Experience Grief 32:53 The Perception of Children in Divorce 35:29 Creating a Safe Space for Emotions 38:03 Navigating Co-Parenting Challenges 41:03 Letting Go of the Validation You May Never Get 44:44 Preparing Yourself and Supporting Your Children 51:51 Why Grieving a Living Person Is So Complicated 55:42 Friendship, Inclusion, and Finding Joy Again 01:05:13 Self-Care and Moving Forward DISCLAIMER & SUPPORT This conversation is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for mental health care, therapy, medical care, or legal advice. If you are struggling emotionally or simply need someone to talk to, you can call or text 988 or visit https://988lifeline.org to chat with a trained counselor. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is free, confidential, and available 24/7 throughout the United States and its territories. For help finding local mental health services and other community resources, including free or low-cost options, call 211 or visit https://211.org. If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 911. Find & follow Brooke on: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brooketalksdivorce TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@brooketalksdivorce Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/brooketalksdivorce Website: http://alifereimagined.com

In Part 2 of my conversation with Dr. Rachel Miller, we dig into the beliefs and relationship patterns many women have been taught to accept without questioning—including carrying the emotional weight of a relationship, excusing a partner’s lack of effort and believing it’s our job to keep everything and everyone together.