
Understanding How Your Brain Works Can Change Your Life and Your Relationship-David Helfand
Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D.Show Notes
If you are interested in learning more about the resources and services Mona offers, including support groups and individual and ND couples coaching you can click here. __________________________________________________________
During this episode with David Helfand, PsyD we explore brain mapping and neurofeedback, as well as other ways to understand how our brains work and can change. We also talk about how we can learn more about why we react or respond differently to triggers and experiences in our lives. In addition, we discuss the following:
◦Brain mapping is the diagnostic test. ◦Neurofeedback is physical therapy for your brain. ◦Using both can help you look at your brain activity and then learn how to change what may not serve you anymore. ◦Our brains are wired to focus on negativity to protect us. ◦Fight or flight is designed to deal with a real or perceived threat. Understand how to reset and create a plan for follow-up. ◦Having curiosity and empathy after a misstep. ◦Tend and befriend-protect what’s important and use your community for help. ◦Sometimes people will lie to get out of conflict. ◦Addictions are well worn pathways in your brain. ◦Asking questions can put your partner on the defensive. Ask yourself why you’re asking the question and rephrase what you are saying. ◦Understand how your different auditory processing speeds are impacting your relationship. ◦Remember...oil changes are a lot less expensive than an engine replacement!! ◦Learn how to create more happy hormones in yourself and your partner. ◦Based on research from Dr. William J. Doherty, 40% of couples who divorce regret it. ◦How unmasking can impact you individually and your relationship. ◦Executive functioning differences. Work on having more empathy for your partner’s challenges in this area. ◦Pillars of a happy relationship and what skills need to be learned. Then deciding if you can, or want to, learn new skills. ◦Your brain looks for sameness, so your nervous system will rebel against changes in your relationship. ◦Incongruency around political views in your relationship and connecting through kindness and curiosity. Work on the understanding behind your partner’s political belief. ◦Intimacy-"into me see". ◦Narcissism and borderline personality disorder and the impact trauma can have on the personality. ◦The importance of exploring challenges and differences in your relationships through curiousity, empathy, patience, and compassion. ◦How the retreat experience is different than traditional therapy.
Information about David's couples retreats are available here. You can also get information about the other services David offers here.
More from Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay, MSW, Ph.D.
It has been an honor and a privilege for me to have hosted and co-hosted the Neurodiverse Love podcast since the fall of 2020. I will be forever grateful to my dear friend Olga, who agreed to start this podcast journey with me in the middle of the pandemic, and to all my co-hosts who have partnered with me along the way: Manecia, Greg, Nicole and Bronwyn.
This wonderful conversation is one of the amazing panel discussions from the 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference.
The four part Neurodiverse Love Docuseries shows how 4 neurodiverse couples navigate different communication styles, emotional needs, sensory and physical intimacy differences, and employment and special interests. In addition, three therapists/coaches who work with neurodiverse couples share strategies, tools and insights that can help neurodiverse couples navigate their strengths, challenges and differences. Check out the first 2 episodes here: https://www.neurodiverselove.com/the-documentary
The intro and first two episodes of the Neurodiverse Love Docuseries are available here. The first episode addresses communication differences and the second episode focuses on emotional reciprocity.
This episode is a very informative panel discussion from the 2025 Neurodiverse Love Conference. The following individuals participated in this conversation and I hope you find the information they shared helpful.