Understanding R*pe Culture vs Consent Culture with Rosalia Rivera from Consent Parenting

Why Children Stay Silent

Belonging need overrides safety rules

Kids will violate known rules to preserve a friendship or peer connection

Fear of losing the group is neurologically equivalent to exile

Tattling vs. reporting distinction never taught

Tattling: getting someone in trouble for non-safety issues

Reporting: telling a trusted adult about something unsafe, to or from anyone

Kids fear getting a friend in trouble, not just themselves

Fear of consequences compounds silence

Losing devices, games, or friendships if they disclose

Punishment-based parenting makes disclosure feel risky

90% of abuse is by someone the child knows and trusts

Child often wants the behavior to stop, not the person removed

Fear of the unknown outcome keeps them quiet

Consent Culture in Early Childhood

Birdhouse (Chazz’s Brooklyn school) models consent from ages 2-5

Adults prompt: “Do you like that?” then shift to peer-to-peer checking in

Mixed-age groups create natural power dynamic teaching moments

Goal: children eventually check in without adult prompting

Checking in changes the receiver’s experience too

Being asked “do you like this?” opens kids to genuine self-reflection

Same behavior lands differently when consent is sought vs. assumed

Tickling example: don’t remove the experience, teach the check-in

Sensory-seeking kids may want touch; the lesson is voice, not avoidance

Intervention, Redirection, and Education

Three-part framework when boundary crossing occurs:

a. Intervention: name what’s not okay

b. Redirection: offer an alternative way to play

c. Education: explain why, without shaming either child

Root cause matters: was it curiosity, desire for connection, or coercion?

Coercive behavior (knowing it’s wrong and continuing) is a red flag requiring escalation

Most peer sexual play is exploratory, not predatory

Chazz’s preschool story illustrates the dynamic

Friend used “I won’t be your best friend” as leverage, a learned threat pattern

Adult intervention happened but education was incomplete

Threat behavior in a 3-year-old reflects what she absorbed from her own environment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices