The Inner Critic Is Lying to You: How Self-Talk Shapes Your Life

Welcome to Feral’s Den - A podcast for midlife women who are exhausted, angry, and wondering “why does this feel so hard?”At a women’s health event in London, a panellist was asked for the one thing we could all do every day to be healthier. His answer: get up at dawn, stand barefoot facing the sunrise for ten minutes, breathe gently and feel some gratitude. Anyone can do that, he said. Then he mentioned he was single, with no children and no pets. Avril, who spent most of her adult life getting children up and out of the door before work, was in her words “flipping irritated”.She uses that moment to look at belief systems: how they form when we are very small, how they can override the evidence right in front of us, and why “if I can do it, you can do it” leaves so many women blaming themselves for not trying hard enough. “You can if you think you can” is true, she says, unless you can’t.Then she adds the step she left out of the last episode. Notice your uncomfortable feelings, from irritation to fear, and note them on your phone: “I felt X”, plus what set it off. Later, ask yourself what you believed was happening at the time. An email from HR is neutral until you decide what it means.This isn’t therapy. It isn’t a programme. It’s a conversation about reclaiming your natural self after decades of conditioning. Subscribe now so you never miss a conversation, and hit follow on Spotify to catch every episode as soon as it’s live.Chapters0:00 Welcome to Feral’s Den0:17 An event on a Saturday morning1:21 Biological age versus real age3:10 Getting the book into the right hands4:10 The panel5:13 “What’s the one thing we could do?”6:02 Stand barefoot at dawn6:45 Who was sitting next to him7:33 Advice from people whose lives aren’t yours8:54 Back to the Enneagram10:15 When a belief overrides the evidence11:42 Fifteen years of self-help12:23 You can if you think you can, unless you can’t12:56 Why women end up blaming themselves14:12 The step Avril missed out14:40 The four stages of learning to drive15:24 Pay attention to your feelings16:37 “I felt X”: keep a note on your phone17:29 What were you believing?18:03 The email from HR19:32 Bringing curiosity to a belief20:13 The Nine NegotiationsMentioned in this episodeThe Enneagram test: https://www.avrilmillar.com/enneagram-testThe Nine Negotiations, Avril’s story of the nine Enneagram types: https://resources.avrilmillar.com/enneagram/the-nine-negotiationsThe previous episode, on the nine Enneagram types: https://youtu.be/IdEhn9s8Zro🦊Connect With Avrilhttps://www.avrilmillar.com/links📖Avril’s Book: Feralhttps://www.avrilmillar.com/feral#section4#feralsden #midlifewomen #avrilmillar #beliefsystems #selfawareness

Welcome to Feral’s Den - A podcast for midlife women who are exhausted, angry, and wondering “why does this feel so hard?”

Welcome to Feral’s Den - A podcast for midlife women who are exhausted, angry, and wondering “why does this feel so hard?”Avril recorded this episode at the end of a day spent with a brilliant, highly successful woman who could not stop criticising herself, and after being a guest on Nicole Kalil’s podcast, This Is Woman’s Work. Both left her with the same question: why do so many capable women treat themselves so badly?From anti-ageing creams and the grey hair debate to body shaming and assertiveness training at work, Avril looks at how women are taught to measure themselves all the time, “against a set of standards that you never signed up to and against a set of rules that you never agreed to.” She explains why “learn to love yourself” means nothing while you are in a constant negative dialogue with yourself, and why the grace we give our children, flaws and all, is the grace we need to extend to ourselves.This isn’t therapy. It isn’t a programme. It’s a conversation about reclaiming your natural self after decades of conditioning. Subscribe now so you never miss a conversation, and hit follow on Spotify to catch every episode as soon as it’s live.Mentioned in this episodeThe Enneagram test: https://www.avrilmillar.com/enneagram-testNicole Kalil, This Is Woman’s Work: https://nicolekalil.com/podcast🦊Connect With Avrilhttps://www.avrilmillar.com/links📖Avril’s Book: Feralhttps://www.avrilmillar.com/feral#section4#feralsden #midlifewomen #avrilmillar #selfcriticism #innercritic

In this week's episode, Avril unpacks why so many women are conditioned to override their body's warning signals, from a tense work confrontation to a chilling moment on the tube. She breaks down what's actually happening in your nervous system when you freeze, sweat or feel sick before a hard conversation, and why dysregulation quietly wrecks your decision making. Then she teaches a simple, science backed tool, the physiological sigh, that you can use anywhere to calm your body fast and reclaim your ability to think clearly under pressure.

Ever feel like you have to be useful to matter? In this episode of Ferals’ Den, Avril Millar unpacks the unconscious beliefs formed in childhood that quietly run your adult life, from the compulsion to always be busy to the fear of standing out. Avril shares her own journey writing her book Feral, the self-doubt that nearly stopped her, and a simple five whys technique to uncover the belief driving your behavior. JUMP TO A CHAPTER : 00:00 Do You Matter If You're Not Useful? 00:14 The Party Trap: Always Being Useful 01:54 How Childhood Beliefs Take Root 03:31 Why Beliefs Feel Like Identity 04:47 Avril's Story: Writing Feral and Facing Self-Doubt 09:13 The Hidden Beliefs Running Your Life 1:55 Find Your Belief: The Five Whys Technique