#011 - Ryan Moresby-White - Nice guys do finish last, no one trusts a man who can't say no and women as a man's greatest initiation.
You Choose with Billy Garton Jr.Show Notes
Something is wrong with men. Not in the way the culture keeps telling us. Not too aggressive, not too dominant, not too much. Wrong in a quieter and far more devastating way. The boy inside never grew up. And nobody noticed. Nobody held a ceremony. Nobody said, that chapter of your life is over, this one begins now. So he kept going. Built the career. Got the girl. Accumulated the evidence. And still woke up every morning feeling like something essential was missing and having absolutely no language for why.Ryan Moresby-White noticed. And he has spent the last decade doing something about it.Born in South Africa, raised in Australia, Ryan walked away from a successful construction career after a breakup cracked him open in a way he didn't expect and couldn't ignore. What he found on the other side became his life's work. Today he has sat with thousands of men at the edge of themselves and helped them cross a threshold they didn't know they needed to cross.You'll hear:Why men keep sabotaging the women they love most. Why the nice guy always ends up alone. Why you can't speak your truth if you were never given the space to discover it. Why it is very easy to be secure when you're single. Why the most powerful men are not the most polished. And why the woman in your life is not the obstacle to your growth. She is the initiation.Chapters03:00 to 09:00 Why men never truly grow up09:00 to 11:10 The difference between trauma and initiation11:10 to 15:30 Why shame runs every male relationship15:30 to 20:00 How shame from childhood shows up in your adult relationship20:00 to 22:00 Ryan's story. The bathroom floor in Bali.22:00 to 25:20 How Ryan let the grief finally bring him to his knees25:20 to 28:00 You can't biohack your way around your grief28:00 to 31:30 Run clubs are just men running from their grief31:30 to 38:00 Ryan climbed to the top and his father still wasn't there38:00 to 41:30 Every man in prison is a hurt little boy41:30 to 44:00 The boy never wanted healing. He wanted holding.44:00 to 48:00 Why your woman is your greatest initiation48:00 to 52:00 Attachment vs authenticity. Why men lose themselves.52:00 to 55:00 The nice guy always loses the woman he loves55:00 to 59:37 No one can trust a man who can't say no59:37 to 01:05:00 What it actually means to be a safe man01:05:00 to 01:12:00 It is very easy to be secure when you're single01:12:00 to 01:18:00 Why men sabotage the love they want most01:18:00 to 01:24:44 Good Will Hunting and the wound that runs everything01:24:44 to 01:32:14 The four archetypes every man needs to integrateWatch Ryan's Documentary "A Rebirth Of The Safe Man":https://youtu.be/BKK9B0o6OAU?is=ozkBqHIMCacJlzjmFollow Ryan: https://www.instagram.com/ryanmoresbywhite/Follow Billy: https://www.instagram.com/billygartonjr/Follow the podcast: https://www.instagram.com/youchoosepodcast/
More from You Choose with Billy Garton Jr.
I left this conversation more inspired, uplifted and connected to the texture of my existence than I have felt in a long time.IN-Q is an emmy-nominated poet, multi-platinum songwriter, world renowned keynote speaker, and best-selling author.This is an intimate window into his creative process, the perspective he adopts to create meaningful art, and a live demonstration of a few poems, both his and mine, that have touched the lives of many. It was a pinch me moment to have the opportunity to sit across from and read poetry to a man who has been the core icon I have looked to for inspiration when translating my world into words. I believe you will be touched by this conversation, and if you are, please let me know. I am committed out of my mind to bringing you conversations that offer you a deeper sense of belonging to yourself and the world. It is an honor to have you tuning in. You belong here. - Billy xFollow IN-Q: https://www.instagram.com/inqlife/?hl=enFollow Billy: https://www.instagram.com/billygartonjr/?hl=enFollow You Choose Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/youchoosepodcast/?hl=enChapters:0:00 Intro2:05 Having an Alias Gave Him Courage5:09 Inside Out vs. Outside In Creativity6:43 Write What You Wishe Someone Had Said8:26 Finding Flow9:24 Curiosity, Then Passion, Then Purpose12:28 What Does It Mean to Be Human?13:21 Math and Magic: Three Rounds of IVF16:37 The Duty of Finishing a Poem21:23 IN-Q Performs "Life Is All About You"24:36 Is the Art More Important Than the Artist?25:34 Do You Have to Suffer to Create?27:08 Why You Have to Learn Some Lessons Twice28:51 The Nine Breakup Poems30:53 How Your Art Becomes Your Mantra32:15 You Can Tell the Truth and Still Be Lying36:21 Anchors vs. Kites: Family and Success38:35 What a Good Mentor Actually Does39:35 Why Society Looks Up or Down, Not At41:47 IN-Q Performs "Right Before I Die"46:07 How a Single Idea Becomes a Poem48:47 Where "Life Is a Game" Came From50:35 How Long a Poem Takes to Write55:51 Don't Make It Great, Make It Honest57:07 Billy Performs "Darkness"1:02:33 IN-Q Performs "Life Is a Game"1:08:07 Why Being a Mom Is a Revolutionary Act1:11:33 How Fatherhood Changed Who He Is1:14:05 How to Detach From the Outcome1:15:50 How to Reach the Creative Space More Often1:17:07 Why More Can't Be the Goal1:20:31 What Play Looks Like as a New Dad1:23:36 Inspiration vs. Assignment
Brendan, the founder of Santa Cruz Medicinals, may be the most influential voice in the world for young men right now. He walks down the street and cars pull over so kids can yell "Santa Cruz!" out the window. He funds his own content, he doesn't take the gambling money, and he shows people exactly how he lives. I didn't sit down with him to talk about supplements. I wanted to talk about the inside of a young man's life, because I believe that's where the real crisis is. The loneliness. A dating world that feels rigged. A brain so cooked by the scroll that it feels nothing and everything at the same time.
You are under no obligation to be the same person you were yesterday.
Grayson Hart had the life we're all told to want. Professional Rugby player, founder of a company worth millions, a wife on the cover of magazines...and he burned it all down in the name of truth.This a public sharing of what years of devotion to truth, authenticity, and the courage to be who you are will afford you.It won't be comfortable, but comfort is never what your soul wanted anyway. Comfort is why you're deeply uncomfortable. As the age old saying goes: The truth will set you free.I KNOW this conversation will touch many people, as it did me. There is nothing more important to a fulfilling life than honoring what's true, even and especially when that truth hurts to admit.Enjoy, and let us know by subscribing and commenting if you do :-)Follow Grayson: https://www.instagram.com/graysonjonhart/Check out Hart Workshop: https://hartworkshop.com/Follow Billy: https://www.instagram.com/billygartonjr/Chapters:0:00 Introduction1:35 We Are Not Separate 2:55 The Paradox of Belonging5:05 All You Have to Do Is Be True7:17 Whatever Falls Away Is a Blessing8:25 The Dolphin on the Beach13:17 Reframing the Ten Thousand Hour Rule15:15 Billy on Athletes Who Look Too Relaxed21:15 Conor McGregor and Israel Adesanya26:17 Your Own Being Is Your Home27:08 The First Step to Being True Is Being Fake29:33 How Do You Know What's True?30:12 Truth Is a Knowing, Not a Belief33:51 The Myth of Personal Responsibility40:28 Crazy Story About Boarding School44:30 How Grayson Became Untouchable48:13 Words Are the Least Purveyor of Truth51:47 You Don't Have to Change Anything54:46 Choosing the Hard Truth After 8 Years of Marriage1:00:02 Let It Be a Possibility First, Then Decide1:02:13 Inauthenticity Often Gets Rewarded by the World1:06:51 Be Your Whole Self, Unapologetically1:12:51 Life Will Show You the Answer1:16:15 The Illusion That Love Lives in Another1:19:37 How to Be Charismatic While Inside a Committed Relationship1:21:12 Stop Giving Your Energy Away1:30:52 Making Love to the Universe1:32:00 Billy on Flirting With the World1:34:55 Nothing Is Worth More Than Freedom of Truth1:35:44 Be Like Jesus on the Cross1:37:56 Can You Trust a Man Everyone Likes?1:40:24 The Note He Wrote While Meditating1:41:20 Giving Yourself Away Is Not Love1:42:19 Dermot Kennedy's Lyrics1:46:30 Forgiving Everyone That Hurt Him1:50:16 Why Forgiveness Protects Other People1:54:32 The Most Personal Is the Most Universal1:57:20 Billy on Not Needing to Be Understood1:59:41 The Worst Thing God Could Do for You2:06:43 Hart Workshop and the Heart Behind It
This may be my favorite conversation we've had on the show so far. Koa Smith is a professional surfer who made a name for himself chasing the biggest and most beautiful waves on earth and capturing them on camera. His career and life was dramatically altered when a collision with a reef caused a traumatic brain injury. He lost his memory, sense of self and fell into a deep depression. This is a conversation on identity, on intimacy, and on integrity. It's about learning to feel again, dissolving the illusion of separate between you and another, but also between you and everything you desire. There aren't many people more equipped to talk about death, about discovering inner peace amidst chaos, and about learning how to find purpose in life again. We talk about 3 rules for life that were given to him by a shaman, 2 words that keep you from having what you desire, and 1 way of being (Hint: trying to figure it out) that keeps us in endless suffering. We also deep dive on the modalities that have changed his life, Transcendental Meditation, Psychedelics, Joe Dispenza...and the most important one, CHOICE. I am reminded that the tools are only as effective as we choose to be with the information that is revealed. That is why life is the ceremony, and the rest are just companions supporting our awareness. After awareness always comes choice, and we must CHOOSE differently if we wish to witness new and better circumstances for our life. Enjoy, and if you do, please subscribe to the show. The chances are, if not subscribed, you will miss future episodes that, I will assert, are life altering. I am grateful for all the love and support. Follow Koa: https://www.instagram.com/koasmith/?hl=enJoin Koa's Community "Spaceship to Many": https://www.skool.com/spaceshiptomany/about?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bioFollow Billy: https://www.instagram.com/billygartonjr/?hl=enFollow the Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/youchoosepodcast/?hl=enChapters0:00 Introduction1:51 Koa's Brain Injury2:11 Facing Identity Crisis without Surfing4:50 Surfing Can Be a Dangerous Addiction5:30 Being Raised by the Ocean7:20 A More Empowering Relationship to Life8:48 Koa's Relationship to Death13:13 Fear Is the Greatest Illusion17:16 Billy on Losing His Own Career18:15 Strip Away Every Vice21:25 Meditation Became His Secret Weapon22:19 The Thought That's Holding You Back24:37 Transcendental Meditation Opened His Eyes25:24 Healing Depression in One Experience28:03 Seven Days With Joe Dispenza30:02 Koa on Learning to Feel His Heart32:34 Fear Is in the Thought34:40 The Two Words That Keep You Separate35:48 The Moment He Felt He Belonged38:56 Humans Longing For More41:26 Crisis Is God's Whisper Getting Louder43:35 How to Hear Your Intuition45:05 Koa's Business, Spaceship to Many47:24 Nine Months Without Alcohol49:14 Billy on Faith, Money and This Show52:07 You Can't Engineer Belonging54:24 The Only Way to Experience True Belonging56:52 Koa on Not Fitting In1:01:59 What's Blocking Your River1:03:08 Challenge Nobody Does1:07:03 The Lesson that Changed Billy's Life1:09:02 The 3 Rules for an Extraordinary Life1:15:17 Turning Down the Noise1:19:41 This Perspective Will Free You to Truly Live1:23:26 What's Next for Koa