Show Notes
If you've ever lost interest the moment someone became available, or stayed obsessed with someone who kept you at arm's length, this episode is for you. Part three of the Hard Truth Series breaks down the most common pattern nobody wants to admit: using relationships to collect proof of your worth instead of building real partnership.
Backed by research on rejection sensitivity and anxious attachment, Sabrina unpacks why chasing external validation creates a cycle no amount of love can fix, how to tell if you are dating for connection or reassurance, and what it actually takes to stop performing and start showing up.
If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step HERE!
If you’re serious about changing your dating patterns instead of repeating them, the Art of Going Slow course helps you unlearn urgency, regulate your nervous system, and build real connection without rushing, chasing, or abandoning yourself HERE!
Get Ad free HERE!Want to work with Sabrina? HERE!Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show HERE!Don't forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on Instagram and Sabrina on TikTok! Video now available on YOUTUBE!
Please support our sponsors!
Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with a $5 bonus investment. Head to acorns.com/ZOHAR or download the Acorns app to get started.
Right now, Momentous is offering our listeners up to 35% off your first order with promo code SABRINA. Head to livemomentous.com
=============================
Chapters:
00:00 Dating for Validation vs Partnership
03:17 Why You're Not Ready for Real Love
07:00 Proof Seeking vs Building Partnership
10:37 Rejection and Self-Worth
15:00 Core Beliefs and the Validation Trap
19:00 Why External Validation Never Fills the Void
23:35 The Research Behind Approval Seeking
26:28 What Validation Dating Actually Costs You
29:21 Are You Performing or Showing Up
32:10 The Validation Check Tool of the Week
Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
More from The Sabrina Zohar Show
Love Is Blind UK star Tom Stroud sets the record straight on his reality TV villain edit, including why Netflix made him reshoot the altar scene. He shares how therapy after the show led him to build Shoulder to Shoulder, a men’s community tackling the male loneliness epidemic, and he and Sabrina get honest about men’s mental health, why so many men avoid therapy, and why shaming men for their feelings only pushes them further away.Tom also opens up about his father wound, losing his dad before they could reconcile, and what his relationship has taught him about conflict, anger, and emotional safety. Plus: why men need male friendships, red flags that look like green flags, scheduling sex in a busy relationship, and what women and men need to understand about each other.Come see me on tour! https://sabrinazohar.com/tourOrder Sabrina's book, "Why Am I Like This?"Take the new and improved dating quiz! sabrinazohar.com/quizIf you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step HERE!Product of the week! https://amzn.to/4v1eHWjGet Ad free HERE! Watch on Spotify. Spotify subscribers get fewer ads on my video.Want to work with Sabrina? HERE! Get merch for The Sabrina Zohar Show HERE! Don't forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on Instagram and Sabrina on TikTok! Video now available on YOUTUBE!
Why do you keep checking if they watched your story, waiting for your ex to text, or feeling bored the moment someone is actually good to you? In this science-heavy episode, Sabrina breaks down the neuroscience of attachment and repeating relationship patterns: why your brain gets hooked on hot and cold people like a slot machine, why healthy relationships can feel boring, why you can’t get over your ex, and why you self-sabotage the moment you get what you wanted.
It’s pub day for Why Am I Like This?, and Sabrina’s mom Helly joins the show to talk honestly about Sabrina’s old dating patterns: texting nonstop, chasing emotionally unavailable men, people pleasing, and losing herself trying to make someone love her. Helly shares the advice she gave Sabrina for years, like “be careful what you wish for” and “you have to love yourself more than you need to be loved,” and explains why choosing yourself is where real change starts.
Why do I keep choosing the wrong people? Why can't I let go of someone who won't choose me? If you're stuck asking "why," this episode is for you. Sabrina breaks down why self-awareness alone won't heal anxious attachment, how childhood patterns follow you into dating and relationships, and what Mary Ainsworth's Strange Situation study shows about anxious and avoidant attachment: avoidants feel the panic too, they just hide it.
Why does healing feel so hard, and why doesn't "regulating your nervous system" fix it? Nervous system expert Masha Kay returns to break down what the internet gets wrong about nervous system regulation, why regulation has become the new perfectionism, and what capacity really means in dating and relationships. We talk about why someone can love you and still not meet your needs, how to handle being triggered by a text, why "if he wanted to, he would" is bad advice, and what's actually going on when an avoidant partner shuts down.