Show Notes
In this episode of The Grounded Union Podcast, hosts Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen dive deep into a widely debated and often shame-filled topic: being attracted to people other than your spouse. The conversation is sparked by a viral social media post that drew thousands of comments and opposing viewpoints, which the hosts read and respond to throughout the episode. They challenge the common narrative that men are "biologically wired" to be attracted to other people, arguing instead that this is a learned belief system. The discussion gets to the core of why this is such a painful topic for many couples, revealing it often stems from a lack of mutual commitment and a shared vision for the marriage. The hosts offer a surprising revelation: it is possible to create a relationship where you are only attracted to your spouse. This episode provides actionable advice on how to build a stronger, more committed union by shedding old beliefs and intentionally creating the marriage you desire. (Watch the Instagram reel that sparked this episode.)
Our 2026 Grounded Union 2-Day Workshop: 📍San Diego, CA — In-person & virtual 📅 August 14th & 15th, 2026 Workshop for Couples: Tap here to grab your ticket Looking for immediate support in your marriage? The Marriage Crisis Roadmap: Download the free guide here! Grounded Union Couples App: Tap here to apply Save Your Marriage Webinar: Tap here to get lifetime access Follow us on social: @brandontalksmarriage, @caitlyn_doerksen & @groundedunion YouTube Show available here
Timestamps & Key Moments: 00:00:28 – Welcome to Season 2! The hosts start the season with an overview of today’s topic: attraction outside of marriage—and why it's such a hot-button issue. 00:01:40 – Is It Normal to Be Attracted to Others?: Caitlyn reflects on how taboo this conversation is, especially in Christian spaces, and shares her initial thoughts about normalizing attraction. 00:06:14 – The Viral Post Reactions: They read through viral Instagram comments: some encouraging, some skeptical, and others just plain spicy—highlighting diverse audience reactions. 00:06:56 – Recognizing vs. Being Attracted: The difference between recognizing someone is attractive and being attracted to them. 00:10:07 – Why Isn’t This Message Taught?: The hosts reflect on the church's silence around emotional integrity in attraction and why this conversation threatens the status quo. 00:25:13 – The Pinball Machine of Attraction: Every decision begins with contemplation, and even a "harmless" attraction can lead to a deeper desire for connection that ultimately causes a separation in a relationship. 00:28:12 – The Three Roots of Attraction: The core areas that contribute to attraction: past experiences, consumption, and limiting beliefs. 00:35:25 – Unpacking the "Biologically Wired" Argument: Brandon and Caitlyn dismantle the argument that humans are "biologically wired" to be attracted to others by explaining that what we're exposed to and what we consume shapes our beliefs. 00:47:43 – Desire, Disconnection & Avoidance: Brandon reflects on how Caitlyn’s full-hearted devotion exposed his own avoidant behavior and emotional disconnection, and why that pattern was painful to confront. 00:56:23 – This Wasn’t Easy—But It Was Worth It: This level of transformation was born from deep pain and discomfort, especially in the wake of betrayal.
More from The Grounded Union Podcast
This week on the Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into a hard but necessary question: How do you go from being deeply in love to not wanting to be around your spouse at all? Brandon and Caitlyn break down the stages of how love deteriorates — from the initial motivations that brought you together, to the unexamined baggage you both carried in, to the ways you responded when that baggage surfaced. They show how isolation, resentment, and seeking affirmation elsewhere turn a partner into an enemy, and they offer a clear path back through radical honesty, ownership, and daily action. If you’ve ever wondered how you ended up feeling this far apart, this episode maps the journey — and the way out. Looking for immediate support in your marriage? 7 Steps to Save Your Marriage: Reserve your copy now + claim bonuses! The Marriage Crisis Roadmap: Download the free guide here Grounded Union Couples App: Apply for a spot Save Your Marriage Webinar: Get lifetime access If this episode resonated with you, we'd love to hear from you! Leave a written review on Spotify, YouTube, or Apple Podcasts, take a screenshot, and email it to [email protected] — and we'll send you an exclusive unreleased episode on Intimacy After Betrayal.
This week on the Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into what masturbation and orgasm really represent in recovery, and why chasing the next release is never the same as healing. We unpack the difference between orgasm and union sex, why it was never a wife’s job to prevent temptation, and how arousal can be felt and enjoyed without needing to “finish.” You’ll hear why masturbation keeps the dissociative fantasy loop running, how it connects to childhood coping, and what to do with the urge instead. We also get into erectile dysfunction, performance pressure, and what it looks like to rebuild sex on honesty. The bottom line: sex is the byproduct of intimacy, and intimacy starts with getting every secret out. Looking for immediate support in your marriage? 7 Steps to Save Your Marriage: Pre-order now + claim bonuses! The Marriage Crisis Roadmap: Download the free guide here Grounded Union Couples App: Apply for a spot Save Your Marriage Webinar: Get lifetime access If this episode resonated with you, we'd love to hear from you! Leave a written review on Spotify, YouTube, or Apple Podcasts, take a screenshot, and email it to [email protected] — and we'll send you an exclusive unreleased episode on Intimacy After Betrayal.
This week on the Grounded Union Podcast, Brandon and Caitlyn name the real root of conflict in marriage — and it's not what most relationship resources are pointing at. Withholding your core truth creates disconnection, and that disconnection is what produces every argument about sex, money, time, parenting, and religion. They walk through the early years of conflict (including a video game story that's both hilarious and painfully relatable), explain why empathy worksheets and communication tools will never work when someone is living a double life, and share what changed in 2019 when everything came into the light. The conflict stopped. They also break down the psychological mechanism of making your spouse the enemy when she gets too close — and why the person you've been fighting against is the one person you actually want on your team. Looking for immediate support in your marriage? 7 Steps to Save Your Marriage: Pre-order now + claim bonuses! The Marriage Crisis Roadmap: Download the free guide here Grounded Union Couples App: Apply for a spot Save Your Marriage Webinar: Get lifetime access If this episode resonated with you, we'd love to hear from you! Leave a written review, take a screenshot, and email it to [email protected] — and we'll send you an exclusive unreleased episode on Intimacy After Betrayal.
This week on the Grounded Union Podcast, we touched on the marriage advice most couples are told to avoid—and why it may be exactly what helps a relationship move from surviving to thriving. Brandon and Caitlyn Doerksen challenge the idea that betrayal should be tolerated, pain should be minimized, or certain secrets are healthy to keep. Instead, they lay out four direct principles: raise your standards, express your pain, uncover every secret, and own your mess. The conversation explores why advice should be measured by the life and marriage of the person giving it, not just by credentials or authority. You’ll hear why a betrayed spouse’s high standards can become a relationship’s North Star, why validating pain is an opportunity for connection, and why real transformation becomes obvious through consistent action. This episode is a clear invitation to stop settling for a mediocre marriage and start building the relationship you actually believe is possible. Looking for immediate support in your marriage? 7 Steps to Save Your Marriage: Pre-order at sevenstepsbook.com The Marriage Crisis Roadmap: Download the free guide here Grounded Union Couples App: Apply for a spot Save Your Marriage Webinar: Get lifetime access If this episode resonated with you, we'd love to hear from you! Leave a written review, take a screenshot, and email it to [email protected] — and we'll send you an exclusive unreleased episode on Intimacy After Betrayal.
In this episode of the Grounded Union Podcast, we dive deep into how to protect your kids from porn addiction — and it starts with you. Brandon and Caitlyn share the three core elements that give them genuine confidence their children will grow up free from addiction: cleaning up your own sexual energy, radically limiting screens, and intentionally building a community that shares your values. They address common pushback about “strict” parenting, genetics, and the idea that exposure is inevitable, while offering a hopeful, practical path forward. Whether you have young kids, teens, or adult children, this season finale gives you a clear framework to stop the cycle and raise kids who know how to feel, connect, and live free. Looking for immediate support in your marriage? The Marriage Crisis Roadmap: Download the free guide here Grounded Union Couples App: Apply for a spot 7 Steps to Save Your Marriage: Pre-order at sevenstepsbook.com Save Your Marriage Webinar: Get lifetime access If this episode resonated with you, we'd love to hear from you! Leave a written review, take a screenshot, and email it to [email protected] — and we'll send you an exclusive unreleased episode on Intimacy After Betrayal.