198 | the role of parents as co-regulators for autistic children with Lisa Candera
EVOLVE with Dr. Tay: the podcast for parents of autistic kidsShow Notes
ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇 In this episode, Dr. Tay emphasizes the importance of supporting parents in the autistic journey. Joined by Lisa Candera, a single mom and coach for parents of autistic children, they discuss the role of parents as primary co-regulators for their children as well as strategies for staying regulated, building self-trust, and supporting their children's behaviors. They also explore systemic issues, coping mechanisms, and the need for a holistic approach that includes listening to autistic voices. Despite the focus on parents, the core message underscores the importance of a balanced support system for the entire family unit. 00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome 00:28 Lisa Candera's Background and Passion 00:45 The Role of Parents in Autism Support 01:28 Podcast Introduction and Disclaimer 02:30 Lisa's Journey as a Single Mom 05:25 Challenges and Early Diagnosis 06:48 Navigating Resources and Support Systems 08:27 The Importance of Parental Education 16:04 Understanding OCD and Autism 22:59 Coaching and Self-Regulation 28:21 Understanding the Distinctness of OCD 28:30 The Complexity of Compulsions 29:01 Parental Instincts and Fix-It Mode 29:31 The Illogical Nature of OCD 30:06 OCD and Autism: The Just Right Feeling 31:22 Building Acceptance in Parenting 32:22 The Psychological Definition of Acceptance 33:46 Behavioral Issues and Parental Pressure 35:05 Supporting Parents: Tips and Strategies 37:24 Validating Experiences Before Problem Solving 38:01 Common Challenges and Seeking Support 39:21 Navigating Grief and Acceptance 40:02 Ambiguous Grief and GOMO 41:17 Being the Safe Person and Self-Advocacy 44:31 Parental Regulation and Child's Behavior 46:36 Building a Well-Rounded Support Team 48:29 The Power of Tone and Voice 52:12 Conclusion and Resources
RESOURCES ⚡️ Continue learning from Lisa Candera at theautismmomcoach.com/ and @theautismmomcoach on Instagram and Facebook ⚡️ Download the Meltdown Action Plan ⚡️ Join EVOLVE: The Membership — a neurodiversity-affirming space for parents to find community, support, and ongoing learning on this journey. ⚡️ Learn more about Dr. Tay’s Whole Family Approach + current services at drtaylorday.com ⚡️ Continue learning + submit questions for future episodes: Instagram → @the.dr.tay TikTok → @the.dr.tay
More from EVOLVE with Dr. Tay: the podcast for parents of autistic kids
about this episode (+ scroll for resources) 👇 this episode wraps up our three-part series on autistic burnout. dr. tay is joined by amanda diekman, author of The Parent's Handbook for Kids in Burnout, to talk about what burnout recovery can actually look like over time and why healing is rarely linear. amanda breaks down the phases of burnout, how support needs change across each phase, what “deep rest” can look like for kids, and why parents may need to continually recalibrate between accommodation, capacity-building, safety, and trust.
about this episode (+ scroll for resources) 👇 this episode is part 2 of our autistic burnout series. dr. tay is joined by patrick casale, a neurodivergent therapist, podcaster, entrepreneur, and group practice owner, for a conversation about what autistic burnout can feel like . patrick shares his lived experience with burnout, the overlap between autistic burnout and chronic illness, the impact of societal demands, and why recovery is rarely as simple as “just reduce demands” or “take a break.” this conversation offers both validation and practical insight for parents who are trying to better understand their child’s burnout, support recovery, and recognize early warning signs before the nervous system fully crashes.
about this episode (+ scroll for resources) 👇 this episode kicks off a three-part series on autistic burnout. dr. tay shares what she sees clinically when autistic kids are in burnout, why it can be so confusing for parents, and why traditional approaches to depression, behavior, or school refusal may not fully capture what is happening. this is a primer episode to help you understand what autistic burnout can look like, what makes it different, and why recovery often requires time, nervous system repair, reduced demands, and support for the whole family.
about this episode (+ scroll for resources) 👇 if your child is melting down, resisting, avoiding, running, crashing, or seeming impossible to support, sensory may be part of the story. in this episode, dr. tay welcomes laura petix, occupational therapist and author of The Sensory Code, back to the podcast to talk about sensory regulation, sensory profiles, meltdowns, and how parents can start building sensory support into daily life in a way that actually fits their child.
about this episode (+ scroll for resources) 👇 this episode is for the moms who feel like some weeks they can do it all… and other weeks everything feels harder. dr. tay shares a vulnerable, real-time reflection from the depths of her luteal phase and explains why cycle tracking can be such a powerful tool for understanding mood, energy, capacity, productivity, and parenting. because your hormonal health is not separate from your autism parenting journey. your body, your nervous system, your capacity, and your regulation are all part of the ecosystem your child is living in. you’ll hear about: why the luteal phase can impact mood, energy, and capacity how cycle tracking can help reduce shame and increase self-understanding the connection between hormones, mental health, and neurodivergence why parenting often requires so much “output” energy how to adjust expectations, support, and routines around your cycle why your capacity matters in the whole-family support picture