Show Notes
What does fifty years of psychotherapy teach you about human nature?In this fascinating conversation, veteran therapist Dr. Jeffrey Smith joins me to explore what really happens in therapy—and why so many people remain stuck despite years of trying to change.We talk about the difference between good therapy and what Dr. Smith jokingly calls "How ya doin' therapy"—the kind of pleasant conversation that never quite touches the deeper work. We explore resistance, the role of painful emotions in healing, and why real growth often requires us to face the very feelings we've spent our lives avoiding.Dr. Smith introduces his concept of the "inner mind"—the deeply protective, survival-oriented part of ourselves that forms early in life and can quietly shape our decisions decades later. We discuss how trauma, deprivation, and old survival strategies become entrenched patterns, and how therapy helps bring these unconscious processes into awareness.We also dive into one of the most misunderstood aspects of psychotherapy: attachment to the therapist. What happens when clients long for a parent they never had? Can therapy repair those wounds? Where are the limits of the therapeutic relationship—and why are those limits actually part of healing?Along the way, we discuss:• Why discomfort is often evidence that therapy is working• The difference between conscience and an internalized rule book• Why adults absolutely do have needs• How our nervous systems drive behavior more than we realize• Why therapists must resist the temptation to become saviors• The healing power of being deeply known by another human beingThis episode is an invitation to stop running from difficult emotions and begin approaching them with curiosity, courage, and compassion.Because sometimes the work of being human is simply this:To tell the truth about what hurts—and discover that you can survive it.
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ADHD isn't a good enough explanation... Paul Drayton was diagnosed with ADHD in 2021. Like many people, receiving the diagnosis brought relief. Experiences and behaviors that had confused him for years suddenly had a name.But does giving something a name explain it?In this conversation, I wanted to try something different. Instead of interpreting Paul through the diagnosis, I wanted to understand HIM.So we moved away from the label and into his life.We talked about the sensitive little boy who sometimes escaped the noise of his home. A family where emotions weren’t easily expressed. A teenager whose mind wouldn’t quiet down. Alcohol. Addiction. Creativity. Impulsivity. Relationships. And a deeply human desire to be heard and understood.And the further we moved away from the diagnosis, the more interesting the conversation became.We also examine what we actually know about ADHD, what we don't know, and the difference between identifying a collection of behaviors and establishing their cause.This isn't about replacing one reductive explanation with another.I simply refuse to reduce a human being to one in the first place.Paul is not "ADHD."He is a man with a history, relationships, wounds, strengths, choices, adaptations, longings, and a story still being written.And, like every one of us, he is infinitely more interesting than a diagnosis could ever account for.Paul Drayton is an actor and author of Ride — Or Die Trying.Click subscribe to follow the show!Follow me on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vanessathetherapist/Follow the show: https://www.instagram.com/theworkofbeinghuman/Paul's book: https://www.amazon.com/Ride-Die-Trying-Before-Laughter/dp/B0HDR233Q9/ref=tmm_aud_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.zbHEfHT7LWcK5skFtpnfetf2njpzYJGzMI6RJNu1CPpuD5HHsQjOh90A5MEFcA0xH3moj6EYSJ9y00dLLQ71rHc0ARZH9Qg04Yb57OK4wc8M8guK4rxDGn2jKNsggHDjlb9UXuyUB4xDRErXjDrauCiZ4SnmlsS45HtjoLyljj7cVOd7nU7tGGSGGzPb2zLu5-FPsc6xieqIVkY7LpgxRVYYS0qG-f4kSd5X3tCo9hs.ywH5bmWrV2VuQCVSm_epW66i1Kr9WKadQIPBtYjw5Dg&qid=1789350621&sr=1-1