Patti LuPone Goes To War, Eating 67 Wieners, and Neil The Seal Returns?!

The new Elizabeth Holmes documentary broke our brains; “Love Is Blind: Boston” has unleashed its chaos upon the world; and Harry Styles was definitely making eyes at Matt, NOT at Zoe Kravitz, who happened to be right in front of Matt. Plus, Matt might be in danger of becoming a magician (again).

This week, America’s sweetheart Kelly Clarkson declares war on a Brooklyn tchotchke shop over Molly, the singing and dancing mechanical bird; a woman pretends to be a substitute teacher to make kids suffer (shero! shero!); and Shrek’s nudes send a man to JAIL. Plus, Matt reveals the real reason people got dysentery on the Oregon trail.

This week, a hot new plague enters the villa. Da Pope continues his holy war against AI. And what the heck is wrong with fall? A lot of things, actually! Plus, Matt goes feral for Trader Joe’s cinnamon graham crackers and Harry Styles's Thighs.

Among this week’s what the hecks: Hidden Valley unleashes “spooky” ranch from the hidden ranch reserves. A senator we’re convinced is a Dr. Seuss villain claims all pilots are furries?! And unfortunately, we do need to go to Covid conscious lesbian bar. Plus, Matt ends the centuries old debate on which candy bar to shove up one’s bum.

Among this week’s what the hecks: there’s a new American Girl Doll from Wisconsin, but we doubt this b*tch has even SEEN a cheese curd. Scientists low key hard launched a new cat?! And why didn’t you cowards tell Matt that there’s a prime minister living out a real life Heated Rivalry in the Netherlands?! Plus, Matt’s got a new enemy, and you better believe it’s the yellow manifestation of the feeling of great insurance.