#23: Respectful Parenting with Janet Lansbury

Chloe Tong opens up about the life behind the roles she is most known for: daughter, wife, mother of five, partner to Grab co-founder and CEO Anthony Tan, and now the work she is building through ACE Team Foundation.

When do children stop trusting themselves?

The word narcissist gets thrown around a lot. But what does narcissism actually look like in a relationship, and what happens to us when we spend too long trying to manage someone else? In this episode of CLOSER, I sit down with clinical psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Ramani Durvasula to unpack narcissism beyond the label: the subtle signs we often miss, why narcissistic people can be so charming to the outside world, and why the people closest to them can have a completely different experience.

Hwee Keng said: “There is a personality in that small human being... you don’t know the settings. First, I think you need to find out the settings.” As parents, we spend so much energy shaping who we hope our children will become, and perhaps not enough time discovering who they already are. What struck me about Hwee Keng is how much of her parenting has been about unlearning her own expectations. She even caught herself once after feeling disappointed that Max didn’t win a competition, and realised some of that disappointment was about her own ego. That hit me. Because maybe the work is not raising the child we imagined, but learning to really see the child in front of us. In this episode, we talk about curiosity over performance, giving children real agency, the difference between “you’ve got this” and “we’ve got you,” responsibility, consequences, and what it means to raise children who are truly fit for life.

Before Shanti Pereira became Singapore's fastest woman, before she made history on some of the world's biggest stages, she was a ten-year-old girl who lost a few races in primary school and wanted to quit.