Dracula Toasted Ravioli, Dangerous '80s Toys & the Easiest Car Theft Ever

King Scott has officially become a five-foot-tall vampire toasted ravioli, somebody's Halloween candy bowl turns out to be an actual human skull, and a St. Louis car thief apparently discovers that all you have to do is ask nicely. Welcome to The Rizzuto Show, where common sense is optional and Halloween gets weirder by the minute. Rizz, Moon Valjean, Lern, Rafe Williams, and King Scott are back with another funny podcast full of St. Louis weird news, Halloween chaos, dangerous childhood memories, questionable life decisions, and enough sarcasm to make a giant piece of fried pasta reconsider its career. First up, King Scott's NFL Pick'em punishment continues with Mascot Week, and today's costume is an absolute St. Louis masterpiece. Thanks to GO! St. Louis, Scott gets stuffed inside a massive toasted ravioli costume that's been transformed into Dracula Ravioli for Halloween. We're talking vampire teeth, a Dracula hairline, and a costume so enormous the crew starts measuring it in units of Lern. Then the conversation takes a nostalgic turn as the crew remembers the most dangerous toys of the '80s and '90s. Remember lawn darts? Those giant metal projectiles that somehow qualified as family entertainment? Rizz remembers childhood science kits that included real scalpels and glass slides. Lern recalls the joys of trying to bake a cake with a light bulb before giving up and eating the batter. Rafe and Moon share stories about slingshots, homemade forts, and the questionable survival instincts of kids who grew up before everybody had a smartphone. Rafe even admits he once tried to saw an escape hatch through his bedroom floor so he could sneak in and out of the house. His dad eventually discovered the project because sunlight was coming through the floorboards. Some kids wanted a treehouse. Rafe wanted a prison break. The nostalgia spirals into stories about hiding inside cabinets, sleeping in toy chests, crawling through neighborhood brush, and turning practically every outdoor structure into a military headquarters. Lern also brings up a debate from a recent women's retreat: Does keeping a baseball bat in your car make it look like a weapon unless you also carry a baseball glove? Rizz shares one of the most ridiculous St. Louis car theft stories the gang has heard. According to the story discussed on the show, a man approaches a downtown hotel valet, asks for the keys to a Rivian, and simply drives away when the employee hands them over. No elaborate disguise. No high-speed getaway. Just the confidence of a guy who apparently thinks grand theft auto is a customer-service transaction. A grown man dressed as a vampire toasted ravioli, childhood toys that probably should've come with a lawyer, and a Halloween candy bowl that might actually be somebody's head. Welcome to The Rizzuto Show, where the scary part isn't Halloween—it's realizing these people are allowed to operate vehicles. Rizz, Moon Valjean, Lern, Rafe Williams, and King Scott are back with another funny podcast packed with St. Louis weird news, ridiculous Halloween costumes, dangerous childhood memories, questionable decisions, and the kind of daily comedy that makes you wonder how any of us survived the 1980s. First, King Scott's NFL Pick'em punishment takes a truly St. Louis turn when the crew stuffs him into a gigantic toasted ravioli mascot costume, courtesy of GO! St. Louis. But because Halloween is approaching, this isn't just any toasted ravioli. It's Dracula Ravioli. We're talking vampire teeth, a Dracula hairline, and a massive square of pasta so wide it practically requires its own building permit. The crew measures the costume in units of Lern, because apparently the metric system wasn't humiliating enough. At roughly one Lern tall, Scott becomes a walking, talking, meat-filled architectural problem. Then comes the real challenge: getting the giant ravioli through the studio doorway and into his tiny producer booth. King Scott manages to squeeze inside, but cl

A woman gets a week off work to potty-train her new puppy, Nicolas Cage apparently forgets how John Madden sounds, and King Scott is one locked knee away from becoming a toasted ravioli casualty. Welcome to The Rizzuto Show, where workplace benefits are imaginary, Hollywood is confused, and the mascot costumes are actively trying to kill us. Rizz, Moon Valjean, Lern, Rafe Williams, and King Scott are back with another funny podcast full of ridiculous workplace debates, celebrity news, rock-and-roll nostalgia, questionable movie performances, and the kind of St. Louis morning show chaos that really should come with a waiver. First, somebody needs to rescue King Scott from his own costume. Mascot Week continues after Scott's NFL Pick'em punishment, and he's still trapped inside a gigantic toasted ravioli costume courtesy of GO! St. Louis. The thing is roughly five feet tall, five feet wide, incredibly heavy, and apparently hotter than the inside of an actual deep fryer. During the show, Rizz notices Scott leaning against the wall and briefly worries he's about to pass out. The crew warns him about locking his knees, suggests football players should train in the costume to build shoulder strength, and debates whether St. Louis should someday name a professional sports team the Raviolis. Because nothing strikes fear into an opponent quite like a giant square of fried pasta. Scott eventually gets permission to remove the costume for a segment, which is probably the most generous employee benefit anyone on this show has received in years. And that brings us to the day's biggest argument: Should employees get a free week off to potty-train a new puppy? A woman named Jenna is furious after learning that her coworker's boss offered a full week away from work to help settle in a new dog, without using any of the coworker's regular vacation days. The time off isn't paid, but it's still an extra week away from the office. Rizz thinks it's ridiculous. Lern thinks it's the greatest idea corporate America has ever accidentally stumbled into. And just like that, pet-ternity leave becomes the hill Lern is prepared to die on. She argues that people are overworked, animals are family, and companies should stop acting like employees owe them every waking moment of their lives. If somebody wants a week to bond with a new pug, let them have it. Rizz wants to know who's covering the work while everybody else is home teaching a puppy where to pee. Moon wonders where the policy ends. If dogs qualify, what about hamsters? Goldfish? Taking a week off for a really nice hike? Lern enthusiastically approves almost all of it. Before long, she's designing her own imaginary company, complete with generous benefits, unlimited happiness, a soap-and-lotion business, and a workforce that may never actually show up. Rafe joins the discussion with his theory that we've turned pets into furry reflections of ourselves, complete with anxiety, medications, and emotional support needs. Meanwhile, Rizz continues bravely defending the radical concept of using vacation days for vacations. It's a workplace debate that starts with puppy potty training and somehow ends with accusations that Rizz has the mentality of a 1950s coal mine supervisor. If you've ever wanted to know whether your boss should approve a week of hamster-related self-care, this is the funny podcast for you. Then the gang turns its attention to Hollywood, where Nicolas Cage's portrayal of legendary football broadcaster John Madden is generating some spectacularly confused reactions. The crew watches a clip from the upcoming Madden movie featuring Cage as Madden and Joel Murray as Pat Summerall. There's a broadcasting booth. There's a telestrator. There's football history being recreated. And there's Nicolas Cage sounding an awful lot like Nicolas Cage. Rizz can't get past the voice. Moon attempts to grade the performance on a scale of actually sounding like Madden versus simply being yourself. Rafe remembe

A grown man dressed as a vampire toasted ravioli, childhood toys that probably should've come with a lawyer, and a Halloween candy bowl that might actually be somebody's head. Welcome to The Rizzuto Show, where the scary part isn't Halloween—it's realizing these people are allowed to operate vehicles. Rizz, Moon Valjean, Lern, Rafe Williams, and King Scott are back with another funny podcast packed with St. Louis weird news, ridiculous Halloween costumes, dangerous childhood memories, questionable decisions, and the kind of daily comedy that makes you wonder how any of us survived the 1980s. First, King Scott's NFL Pick'em punishment takes a truly St. Louis turn when the crew stuffs him into a gigantic toasted ravioli mascot costume, courtesy of GO! St. Louis. But because Halloween is approaching, this isn't just any toasted ravioli. It's Dracula Ravioli. We're talking vampire teeth, a Dracula hairline, and a massive square of pasta so wide it practically requires its own building permit. The crew measures the costume in units of Lern, because apparently the metric system wasn't humiliating enough. At roughly one Lern tall, Scott becomes a walking, talking, meat-filled architectural problem. Then comes the real challenge: getting the giant ravioli through the studio doorway and into his tiny producer booth. Scott manages to squeeze inside, but closing the door is another matter entirely. Rafe has to climb in and help adjust the microphone, creating what might be the world's most uncomfortable pasta-based recording studio. Yesterday, Scott was trapped inside the Sweetmeat pig costume. Today, he's Dracula Ravioli. Tomorrow, there's another mascot waiting. Losing the NFL Pick'em challenge has officially become a full-time job in the humiliation industry. From there, the gang takes a trip down memory lane to discuss the most dangerous toys of the '80s and '90s. Remember lawn darts? Those giant metal projectiles that somebody looked at and decided belonged at a family barbecue? How about clackers, BB guns, wrist rockets, spark-producing Rollerblade Barbie skates, sharp slap bracelets, chemistry sets with actual scalpels, and Easy-Bake Ovens that took approximately three business days to produce a brownie? Rizz remembers microscope kits with glass slides and surgical-grade cutting tools. Lern recalls getting impatient with her Easy-Bake Oven and eating the batter before the light bulb could finish cooking anything. Rafe remembers the neighborhood weapons arsenal, including slingshots and a modified Wiffle ball bat. Moon remembers childhood forts, hiding spots, and the general lack of adult supervision that made growing up feel like a low-budget survival reality show. Naturally, the conversation leads to stories about kids hiding in cabinets, sleeping inside toy chests, crawling through neighborhood brush, and turning electrical utility areas into imaginary military headquarters. Rafe even reveals that, as a teenager, he tried to saw an escape hatch through his bedroom floor so he could sneak out without his strict dad noticing. Unfortunately, his father discovered the project when sunlight started shining through the floorboards from underneath the house. Most teenagers sneak out a window. Rafe apparently wanted to recreate The Shawshank Redemption. The crew also gets into a debate sparked by Lern's recent women's retreat: If you keep a baseball bat in your car for protection, do you need a baseball glove to prove you're not carrying a weapon? This launches an extremely unserious conversation about traffic stops, batting practice, tire knockers, and the world's least convincing explanation for why somebody has a baseball bat in their trunk. Please don't use this segment as legal advice. These are radio people. One of them is currently a ravioli. Meanwhile, Lern is preparing for a long weekend in Chicago, complete with a Lake Michigan dinner cruise, a visit with coworkers, and a celebration of her 12th wedding anniversary with Tim. R

King Scott smells like a salami sandwich, Rizz nearly loses hundreds of dollars to a Taylor Swift ticket scam, and Chris Kerber reveals he's secretly running a homeowners association with the attitude of a hockey enforcer. Throw in a ghost that apparently just wanted to cuddle, a suspicious soccer-ticket exchange in London, and the mystery of September birthdays, and you've got another spectacularly dysfunctional day on The Rizzuto Show. Rizz, Moon Valjean, Lern, Rafe Williams, and King Scott are back with another funny podcast packed with Halloween chaos, weird news, celebrity gossip, St. Louis Blues hockey, paranormal encounters, concert ticket disasters, and the kind of conversations that make you wonder whether this crew should be allowed to make decisions without adult supervision. First up, King Scott officially begins Mascot Week, his punishment for losing Week 7 of the NFL Pick'em Challenge. The rules are simple: Scott has to wear a different mascot costume every day. Unfortunately, his first assignment is Sweetmeat, the legendary pig mascot from 105.7 The Point, and the costume has apparently absorbed enough sweat over the years to qualify as its own ecosystem. The giant pig head smells like a salami sandwich. The armpits are horrifying. The oversized shoes look like they survived the Reagan administration. And Scott's magnificent hair makes the whole thing resemble a pig with an '80s mullet. Rafe describes the mascot head as being lined with prosciutto, Moon points out that Sweetmeat clearly skipped leg day, and Lern takes great pleasure in watching Scott attempt to squeeze through the studio doorway. The best part? Scott decides to eat a beef stick while wearing the costume. Pork on pork. It's the sort of decision that makes you realize losing the NFL Pick'em Challenge isn't even Scott's biggest problem. The crew also previews other potential mascot appearances, including costumes associated with the St. Louis Battlehawks, local restaurants, and other familiar St. Louis favorites. Somewhere, Fredbird and Louie are watching this unfold and reconsidering their career choices. Then things get supernatural when a listener emails the show claiming he once had a ghost cuddle him while recovering in a hospital. According to his account, the mysterious visitor appeared repeatedly until a priest became involved. The listener insists nothing sexual happened, which naturally gives Rizz, Moon, Lern, and Rafe approximately a thousand questions. Was it a friendly ghost? A dream? A hallucination? Does cuddling count as a relationship? And why does The Rizzuto Show suddenly have enough paranormal dating stories to launch a supernatural matchmaking service? The crew also remembers a previous listener who claimed to have married and divorced a ghost. Apparently, even death isn't enough to save some relationships. With Halloween approaching, the gang gets into costume planning, family parties, and the delicate art of surviving October without embarrassing yourself. Moon reveals that his house has somehow become the designated gathering place for a group of teenagers, despite nobody officially asking his permission. Rizz prepares for Halloween festivities, Lern talks costumes, and everybody debates the logistical nightmare of hosting kids who apparently believe the entire neighborhood is their personal event venue. And speaking of family activities that might require an explanation, Rizz introduces a ranking of America's most common birthdays. It turns out September is absolutely packed with birthdays, especially between September 8th and September 21st. The most common date discussed on the show? September 9th. Naturally, the crew immediately realizes that nine months before September puts conception right around the winter holidays. Christmas. New Year's Eve. Holiday parties. Mistletoe. Apparently, December isn't just the season of giving. It's also the season of creating somebody who will eventually need braces. Things get even stra

King Scott is trapped inside a pig costume that smells like a deli counter, Rafe is calculating how much chocolate it takes to kill a person, and Chris Kerber is apparently running a neighborhood homeowners association like a sarcastic hockey coach. Welcome to The Rizzuto Show, where even the HOA president has better material than most comedians. Rizz, Moon Valjean, Lern, Rafe Williams, and King Scott are back with another funny podcast featuring Halloween candy controversies, bizarre food science, embarrassing mascot punishments, neighborhood drama, and a visit from the voice of the St. Louis Blues, Chris Kerber. First up, King Scott's NFL Pick'em punishment continues with Mascot Week, and things are already getting disgusting. Scott is spending the day dressed as Sweetmeat, the giant pig mascot from 105.7 The Point, and the costume has apparently been marinating in years of sweat, promotional appearances, and questionable life choices. The mascot head smells like salami. The armpits smell like old sweat. And somehow Scott decides the perfect snack to enjoy inside this portable biological experiment is a beef stick. That's right. Pork on pork. Rafe, Lern, Moon, and Rizz are understandably horrified, but Scott is committed to completing his punishment. Even if that means spending the morning breathing recycled meat-stick air inside a giant pig head. Somebody call the health department. Or at least Febreze. Then the crew celebrates National Chocolate Day, which conveniently falls just before Halloween. Lern admits she's already been raiding the Halloween candy bowl sitting on her dining room table, and the gang debates whether buying candy early is responsible preparation or simply giving yourself several additional days to eat Butterfingers. Rizz and Moon discuss expensive gourmet chocolate bars, including the increasingly popular Dubai chocolate, while Lern praises the handmade chocolates from a local St. Louis shop. Naturally, the conversation turns into a debate over whether it's even possible to dislike chocolate. According to a poll discussed on the show, a small percentage of people claim they actively hate the stuff. Rafe can't understand it. Moon wants to know whether those people simply had a traumatic chocolate experience. Rizz wonders whether somebody fell into Willy Wonka's chocolate river. And then somebody brings up baking chocolate. Remember being a kid, discovering what looked like a secret stash of chocolate in the kitchen, and realizing too late that unsweetened cocoa tastes like crushed dreams? Rafe certainly does. But things get even stranger when Rafe looks up how much chocolate someone would theoretically have to eat to suffer a fatal overdose. The number discussed on the show? Approximately 711 regular Hershey's bars for a 165-pound adult, based on a theoretical calculation involving theobromine. Rizz immediately announces that he always stops at 710. The crew starts investigating other things people can consume in dangerous quantities, including water, bananas, and apples. Suddenly, National Chocolate Day has become a completely unnecessary seminar on how not to poison yourself with groceries. For the record, these are theoretical calculations and not remotely a challenge. Please enjoy your candy like a normal person who doesn't need to consult a toxicologist before dessert. Then Chris Kerber, the longtime voice of the St. Louis Blues, joins the show for what should be a perfectly normal hockey conversation. Except Rizz brings up a story about a homeowners association allegedly discouraging residents from handing out full-size Halloween candy bars because it might make other neighbors feel bad. And that's when Chris drops an incredible revelation. He's the president of his own homeowners association. Not just a member. The actual president. Suddenly, the man who calls Blues games for a living is explaining how he manages neighborhood complaints, angry emails, Christmas decorations, overgrown bushes, and